Am I going crazy??? (long)

I was sleeved 10-29-12.Had a few initial bumps in the road, but, am doing great now. I've lost 103# (some preop) and want to lose another 40 , that part of life is going fine. I'm normally a count your blessings,go with the flow type of person, but, right now extremely angry, depressed and feel like I'm going to explode.The five years before my surgery were a nightmare. My previously healthy ,gym going ,muscle bound spouse became seriously ill.He became more ill and then disabled. He had LTD insurance thru his employer,but, they refused to pay him on a technicality. We paid a lawyer $5000 to take them to court and "won", but , 4 years later, still no money. He was our main bread winner and was without income for over 2 years before he got SS disability. I work full time ,but, dont make that much .All this forced us into a bankruptcy and we lost our home as well and a host of other problems. I'm going to Las Vegas soon for my daughter's wedding.This has put a lot of financial strain on us in additional to the normal financial strain we deal with.This is stupid, but, what set me off totally was trying to go clothes shopping for a few outfits for Vegas.I could easiler wear a 12 or 14, but, I have the excess , drooping stuff in the abdominal area.I need a 16 to cover that and of course ,everything else was too big and I looked stupid as well  as disgusting .I also realized after 30 years of never buying clothes ,I can't afford a new wardrobe or plastic surgery. I went to Salvation Army, but, a lot of it was cra*****t my size. Here I am at a point I could finally wear something cute or fasionable and I can't afford it and look stupid.While my motivation to do this was my health, a nice side benefit would be looking better and actually owning some (cute) clothes I've also become very angry and depressed  lately about all the events of the last 5 years, which I've tried to have a  "it is what it is attitude" about .It seems like the more weight I lose,emotionally a lot of things I've been stuffing, have been coming out. I don't talk to my spouse much about this, as I don't want him to feel like all this is his fault, because of becoming disabled. All my family lives out of state,so, no family support either. I had this surgery because it was weighing on me,no pun intended, that I needed to be healthy and keep providing income/insurance for my family.At some point , my obesity would leave me diseased, disabled or dead if I don't take care of myself and our family would have more troubles than it already does. Thanks for listening. I'm sure many of you have been there.

I am so sorry to hear that your having a rough time and that the last 5 years have been so hard.  I don't have anything inspirational to tell you other than just hang in there and take care of yourself.  I'm glad you can unload the emotions on OH and hope that helps a little bit.  Does your insurance cover mental health?  Maybe you should look into seeing a therapist to help you sort through all the emotions you've suppressed the last 5 years.  

Take care!!

Take a deep breath girl! You have been thru some major stuff!

I can't say that I know exactly where you are coming from but I have sort of an idea. My hubs plunged my world into the depths of hell last summer when I realized he had a RX drug and alcohol problem (5 months after filing bankruptcy!) and he had to leave to go get help. Just when you think things can't get better, something else will come along and blow you to the ground.

I don't want to by stereotypical but my faith in God and the support of my church family really hung in there with me. If you don't go to church, maybe consider it. If you do, find someone in your church who you think you can trust and talk to.

The ONLY reason I survived these last 10 months is becaue I have the Lord to help me get through the tough stuff.

I imagine that all this stress on you financially makes shopping for clothes that much more stressful. I'm sure you'll find something, keep at it!

Hope this helps

Thanks for your kind replies. I am a Christian and my faith has been the only thing at times  that has sustained me.We've definitely had some blessings and prayers answered,but, it just continues to be one thing after another. I haven't lost my faith,but, many times cannot see the "plan". I did go to counseling for awhile, but didn't find it particulat helpful. While my  insurance somewhat covers it, the co-pay  for each session is like 40 or 50 $, too expensive.