Six Months Post Op Update

Good Morning all.  I am a board lurker, as I cannot say any better what has already been said.   But I read all the time and would like to thank everyone who posts for all the input and advice I get from you.  The search function is a wonderful tool!!!  I just wanted to throw out my experience for anyone who might benefit.

I have lost in total about 80 lbs since I started this journey.  I have no regrets regarding the surgery or my surgeon.  I have been fortunate in that my sleeve is one of the cast iron models, nothing bothers it and it doesn't bother me.  I have not one time had anything come up, not even in the hospital.  I do have the fortune of having some negative feedback if I consume liquid sweets like coffee with real sugar or ice cream.  I have managed to test just about everything.  I have not been faithful or militant and I feel terribly guilty about that.  I could be in maintenance by now if I had.  My sleeve does everything it was promised to do, except that it never gives me negative feedback about anything.  In some ways that is wonderful (thinking long term) and in other ways it is a tiny bit disappointing (help in retraining my mind and tastes).  I am more active than I have ever been.  I am "slogging" 3 miles without stopping.  I played with my kids in the lake all weekend.  I did a cartwheel!  I did a Handstand!!  

Contentment is an ugly thing.  All of my problems lie in my own head.  I have not taken care of that, and don't know how.  I play games with myself and justify my behaviors.  I am the girl who can take the Myers-Briggs personality inventory and make it come out any way I want it.  I am having trouble finding a shrink or behaviorist that can help me deal with ME.  I can tell anyone what they want to hear to get the answers that I want, and that doesn't work well in therapy.  Every time I start, I think I am going to make it work this time,  but then I find that I feed off what ever path they are going down instead of working on my own issues.  I am not explaining this well at all!!  Whatever my issues are I haven't found anyone who could actually help me uncover them and deal with them head on so I still don't know why I choose to medicate with food.  Perhaps I haven't found anyone I had faith in that I would be vulnerable or completely open with...

ANYWAY --  THE POINT IS THIS:  I LOVE MY SLEEVE ----------BUT DO YOUR HEADWORK!!!!!!!!!!!

The sleeve is a tool- you have a  short time to reap the benefits and during that time it is imperative you confront your demons and work through them or you WILL eat through your sleeve...if anyone can offer suggestions I am open.  I feel the pressure to get this confronted, at least find my purpose for feeding myself, before my benefits of surgery expire.

Congrats to all who have successfully made it to goal and maintained!  I am proud for all of you.  Good luck to all who continue the hard work to get there, we will make it.  50 pounds and counting...

For those considering - it is worth it, to be sure.  Be prepared and go in with your eyes open.  And love life!

PS  -- Sorry I am tech challenged and do not know how to post photos...

Congratulation on your Six months.  I wish others got the info from the boards the way you do.  Reading and searching and doing the leg work.  I too was a major lurker for several months before posting.  I find those that can't take the time to read any thing frustrating.   It is really bad when you see the same thing asked on the same page.  

I understand what you are saying about the testing and therapy.  Done that been there.  I am lucky that I have now found a therapist that had a RNY and had similar issues getting to obesity.  I feel totally safe with her.  I still haven't gotten to the point I have changed the medicating with food.  But one of my co addictions is hoarding, food being one thing.  The other is not letting my cloths go.  I have never let my fat cloths go.  Not even when I was banded, after all it was reversible right?  NOT!  Two weeks ago for the first time I took all the size 22-28 cloths (Mine and my two oldest DD's) and took them to the Salvation Army.  I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't seeing her.

We can do this!  Six months and 80 lbs, WOO HOO!

Congratulations...that is a great NSV!  Very proud of you.

I totally get every word you are saying.  I'm almost as far out as you about 3 weeks behind you.  What is interesting is that I too have been seeing how much I can test my sleeve too.  It's not good because as you said you can easily eat through your sleeve at this point.  I really have been able to eat whatever I want without feeling sick since 3 months post op.  The only time I get sick is if I don't measure and eat more quality than I should.  Unfortunately I do not dump.  I wish I did because it would control me better from eating sugary things.  Like you said we have to do HEADWORK.   I too need a good food therapist and I really don't know if anyone can help me either.  I always have the problem of testing the limits too.  I also have the problem when I get in these funks I don't feel like preparing or cooking my food and just eat a protein bar and a cheese stick.  Which really isn't that healthy all the time.  Than I have weeks I do better and do what I'm supposed to do.  I think food will be a lifetime struggle.  But I'm glad I'm sleeved because at least it gives me the extra push I need. 

You are doing so well, I watch you on MFP, too.  Though, with all the end of school year mess I haven't been as dedicated as I want.  But back too it!  Congrats, and good luck on the head games!

Thank you!  But I don't feel it.  I have had a stressful last couple of weeks.   Even regained a little a last week and yesterday was my weigh day again and I didn't even get on the scale because I knew it wouldn't be good.  I have been lazy about food and need to be kicked in the butt to get my act together again. 

Congrats on your journey so far!

As for testing your sleeve - I think everyone does it at some point. Some during WL, others once they reach goal weight. Since reaching goal I have tested the hell out of my sleeve. Me, I'm blessed with a sleeve of steel, too. It really is a blessing, though it does present some problems. Because I can eat anything, everything I put in my mouth is a choice made by me. I have to stay mindful of everything I eat.

As for therapy, I know you didn't really ask, but something you said really sparked something for me. I, like you, have had the ability to manipulate the truth to get the results I want. I read people pretty well and was very adept at becoming the person someone wanted me to be. I finally realized I did this at my own expense in the long run. When I finally decided that it was open, honest truth time things really changed. It had nothing to do with the therapist. It was all about me being willing to let go of my protective shell and speak the real truth about myself - about the things that matter deep inside. The things I didn't want anyone to know about. My inner thinking. My inner fears.  It was hard - hard as hell - and sometimes there were tears.

Over time, I have learned who I am. I am no longer ashamed of who I am, what I have done, etc.... I can stand tall and say this is who I am - take it or leave it. Sure there are still times I worry a bit, but I'm finally pretty darn good with who I am. And because of this I'm able deal a whole lot better with my food issues. I can stand up and say that I have a messed up relationship with food. I am working on it everyday. I need help some days, too. But, I'm getting it more than I'm not.

If you can start being truly honest with yourself about your food issues, you will be so much better off. Hope my unsolicited advice is not offensive. Just something I wanted to share with you.

Thanks for the reply, Kairk you are one of my favorite stalk-ees.  I am so glad someone understood what I was trying to say.  I didn't ask because I didn't quite know how, but how did you come to that point?  Some days I feel like I am really close and some days not so much.  But when I get close, the choices get worse and I quit losing.  It is like a mental wall, and I want it so bad but I won't let myself through.  You would think I murdered someone or something and my crazy subconscious won't let me know it!  

As always, thanks for the words of wisdom.  

I can't really say what the one thing was that got me to that place. I think it was a series of things, but the catalyst for change for me has always been the realization that I'm really doing something the exact same way and just calling it something new. I did that over and over until I had finally had enough. Life is a learning process.

With food it comes down to the price of the food - not monetarily, but emotionally, calorie wise and physically. What is the food worth to me. Is being thin worth more? Usually, yes. Sometimes not. It just depends. I've come to understand that I am fully in the driver's seat. It's all up to me. My sleeve is a great tool, but I'm the one who feeds it. Hope that makes sense. It's truly a sense of ownership of my food behaviors. It's different and actually pretty freeing and empowering, for lack of a better term.

I too stalk Kairk, Always getting to the bottom of the issue and being able to say it so well.