NSV: Family photos (and this NSV tops my list of personal faves!)
So, a little over a week ago, I had family photos done by my wonderful friend and photographer. About 6 months ago, I had family photos taken and I was really disappointed with them. I was about 25-30 pounds heavier than I am now, but I'd lost so much weight and I felt so good about myself. Anyways, I cried a lot when I got those. This Sunday, I was up at 6am (I'm not a morning person, and even with a toddler I do not get up before 7am) because I couldn't sleep. I checked my email, and I had a link to my photos already. I downloaded them somewhat fearfully. I have really wanted some good quality photos of my family where I actually like what I looked like for quite some time, and I was fearing even more disappointment. Lo and behold, this was the FIRST time ever that I liked every photo. I didn't LOVE every photo, but all of them are acceptable. No editing what I post on FB, not cropping necessary, nada. I know this is purely vanity, but I don't care. This was an absolutely amazing NSV for me. I can pick out things I don't like (my arm looks fat, one eye is squinty, yadda yadda yadda, I can find flaws everywhere), but none of those things stops me from liking the actual photo. I think I'm finally really starting to appreciate all the hard work I've put in, to almost see what I really look like, to embrace that this really is me. I'm not sure how to put it into words, but it feels amazing. I almost cried. I've come so far in the past two years since having my daughter. From hiding from the camera, hiding from social situations because I was terrified of being judged or even just finding something to wear, being ashamed that I was the mother of this absolutely perfect little child, from a feeling of total defeat and misery to this. To me. To confidence, to going anywhere and everywhere, to feeling proud, to no longer hiding but putting myself out there, to being the best mom I can to be to her without all the defensiveness and shame. I'm still learning, I still fall down, but I have much more trust in myself to move forward, to dust myself off, to know that I can succeed, that one lost battle doesn't determine the war, it simply determines how much strength I have to plow forward. I hope my daughter will be proud of me. There's nothing that I have worked for harder in my life than that, and I will keep on working and learning and live life loud.
Lastly, one of my 2014 goals for after plastics is to get boudoir photos. LOL. Never thought I'd actually even think about doing those, let alone plan for them. My photographer friend specializes in them, and I think they will be a great 5 year anniversary gift for the hubby.
Here are some of my fave photos! (pardon the AWing) ;)
Dammit Gina! I mean, Dammit Deena!!!! 
YOU LOOK AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL!!!!! I love every single picture you just shared here!!!! Be proud of the hard work you have done along the way thru your journey because hot damn gurl, geez!!!! You look gorgeous!!!!!!
And your little mimi me ... love the matching outfits!!!!!! 
Jenn
WWBD?
Thank you, luvvie! I actually tried not to match the outfits so much, but the shirt I was originally going to get for myself sold out of my size whle I was deciding. ******s. There are very few things cuter than a little girl in riding boots, especially ones with bows on the back. Women go nuts for her every time I take her out in them :)
