Checking in my family! Life DOES get worse
Hi guys, trying not to keep doing this but this past 12 mos have been so bad. And just got to the worst possible place.
I know I posted about my awful hod situation w bullying boss and psych trauma leading to my being out on medical leave. Haven't worked since 2/7. That continues. I have been told that because me MENTAL HEALTH advocacy nonprofit is so small there is no other job I can go to. So. Can't work for the abuser again. Still not on my game anyway. At this point I am hanging in and waiting to hit 90 days to start to collect long term disability.
So that is that. What is far worse is that my mother died 3/19. Like I can't even believe I typed that. It was very unexpected. Telling ER docs stories one minue and then her heart stopped. I found out by calling ER on my way into an evening meeting w our county mental health services board. Literally sitting in a parking garage alone. I grew up in Portland, ME and live outside DC now. One sister lives in Portland and depended on my mother for literally everything. The other, middle sister lives 2 hrs away near Boston.
This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me which is saying a lot at this point. I can't breathe. Food wise I'm not eating much. Sometimes good choices and sometimes not. Haven't gained.
Anyway. This is one of my homes. I miss you guys, need to be here more often. Mostly tho I need to just figure out how to live with no mother. Hugs.
No words...... I feel for you....
frisco
SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.
" To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art "
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Dr. Paul Cirangle
It doesn't matter how old we are; when we lose our mothers we lose a part of ourselves. Even now, 9 years after she died, I still have fun/happy/silly moments where I think, "I can't wait to call Mom and tell her about this" before I remember that she's not there. Hugs go out to you. Take care of yourself now - you're fragile.
You need to be here and you need to not be alone. is there any way to get closer to any family? friends? You actually cant get away from the pain but you can work thru it. YYou can notice each time it grips you sbd acknowlwdge its there. be grateful for the feeling. know that it will pass. Be strong. let me know how u r doing
on 4/1/14 8:49 pm
My husband's mom passed away unexpectedly two years ago. It was a brutal situation emotionally and none of us handled the grief very well for a while. That year we also experienced some other traumas and it seemed like life would just not let us catch a breath.
Of course, time marched on, and eventually things started to get better, just like they will for you at some point. I know it's really difficult for you right now and you have a lot of challenges piling up. Use whatever support you have to lean on and take it one day at a time. It may not feel like it now but you'll be ok.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Many of us know that feeling. I know no words helped me at that time. If you ever want to talk or vent or whatever, message me.
Paige