Losing weight without dieting ( losing the regain)

Im finally back here ! Its been a while - my life has been pretty chaotic. But I want to share some thoughts. It's fairly similiar to the topic Elina posted a couple days ago. 

From my lowest in October 2012, to December of 2013, I ended up gaining 50 lbs. Ive now lost half of that (and 11 in the last 5 weeks) ). It was quite the rollar coaster ride, and it ended with a very nice calm process. 

I had a great opportunity to do an inpatient trauma recovery program. Other than losing my freedom, it was the best thing Ive done for myself. Like most people who end up obese, I had a lot of trauma in my life and never dealt with it. Somehow I thought shedding the fat would shed the trauma, but it was much deeper than that. It has taken 5 weeks in the hospital to change the way I think, the way I react, and my behaviors. I, in no way, think im permanently changed as I know im one really really bad day away from a relapse, but I have much more strenght. 

I didnt really try to lose the weight. I kept it in the back of my head, but I was way more focused on each day, and the work I was doing. With a team of great therapists, ive gone from having this negative tape that plays in my head that tells me: im fat, im weak, im worthless, im useless, im not a good person, i cant do this, etc. All those horrible things we say to ourselves - to having a better more positive tape to play for myself. With daily affirmations, reflection, and meditation, ive made the switch. And a lot of that helped me change the way I eat and feel about food.

Before - food was evil, the devil - all food. Not just carbs, and sugar. I thought I was weak. I thought because I had regained so much, I was done, and never going to reach my goal, so why bother trying. I thought I was bettter off fat because it was a great big giant wall that kept people out. I thought I couldnt have good food unless it was unhealthy. 

Now, ive managed to house a much more realistic view of food over the last 5 weeks. Ive told myself every day (and have lots of posters around my room to remind me!) that i need proper nutrition to fuel my body, my body does have specific needs (and they arent the "needs" inside my head, and that I can do this, and I just constantly remind myself that Im human, its okay if I dont track every bite I can still be healthy and lose weight, and its a constant reminder that my goal is health over weight loss. While I was inpatient I couldnt pick my food - it was all hospital cafeteria food and I had to make the most of it. Most of my meals were at least 50-75% carb **** like lasagna, oatmeal, pancakes, etc and I ate those....and still lost weight (not that im advocating eating those but just to illustrate that I wasnt eating a protein heavy diet)

I would swing from a pendulum - one side total anorexic type restriction. Before I went into the hospital, I had only had SF energy drinks for 4 days before - not even a bite of food or any calories. Thats more unusual from my compulsive/binge eating, but i can swing anywhere along that spectrum (expect purging - i just cant do it). 

Getting the help I needed has really helped me and they way I appraoch each meal, the way I pay attention to my body and whether im hungry/thirsty, and ultimately lose 11 lbs in  5 weeks just by dealing with the deeep underlying issues. Not every one has as many/or the same issues, but there's always something a little deeper that fuels eating issues.

Compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, change - those all equaled weight loss for me. Now, I intend to go back to some tracking and intentional weight loss, but not much. I am FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY having back surgery next week, so my focus is on sucking down the protein to recovery. Im secretly hoping that this process will yeild a little weight loss, but again, im still going to be continuing my recovery and working on my self over the next couple difficult months ahead of me.

Not only am I having surgery and hopefully freeing myself from chronic pain, I got my insurance to cover my stomach meds, and my stomach is a lot better as well

(actually, in reality, my health got a hell of a lot better as I went through this trauma recovery - i hated to accept but embrace the reality now that trauma can be stored in our central nervous system and cause health issues) 

Im looking forward to spending some more time on OH and offering any advice I can (especially anyone further out deailing with regain or maintenance) - losing weight after surgery was a piece of cake compared to the battle now.

This post makes me soooo happy! I think every human should go through inpatient treatment/rehab of some sort. It is true that learning to look at and deal with our core issues brings us freedom and serenity. Keep working on all of that stuff!! It keeps getting better and better (I was in rehab a year ago)

jen

Thank you! I hope I got enough freedom to shed these last 25 lbs of the regain.

Wow, I haven't been on here for a while (job stuff), but I sign in tonight, and here you are with an update. I am so glad to know that you are doing much better. Trauma from the past can be much more serious than some people realize. What others have done to us can cause deep, deep wounds that manifest in self-destructive ways that are not always connected. So I am glad you had the opportunity to get the assistance you needed to start a new beginning. Stay strong my friend, you can do this.

With all the work to my head and back, i better wake up soon ready to kick the world's ass soon!!

Great news A !!!!

I was asking Jenn about you a couple weeks ago.....

Happy !!!

frisco

Thanks Frisco! Glad to see you are still hanging out here!

Hey A! Great to "see" you. I am so happy that you have gotten some help. It sounds like it was totally epiphanic experience. Am looking forward to reading more of your musings and strategies for self acceptance. It's a tough road.

Wonderful news about the back surgery, too. Will keep all my parts crossed that this is the answer to your chronic pain!

I'm dealing with some regain issues of my own. I believe most of my regain is sleep related (months of deprivation) coupled with some of those negative tapes playing.

Hugs and prayers!

D

I have some pretty good stuff I'll share - maybe i'll try and post a topic a couple times a week for bit. I sure wont have much else going on as I'll be laid up for a while!  I hope I can chat with you (and some others) to catch up!

Great to hear that you're doing much better! I'm still fighting to get my regain off too and it is a battle.  Good luck with the back surgery!!