off topic but really need advice from others (a little long sorry)

heidinsd
on 6/11/11 2:21 pm - Poway, CA
So this past Wednesday night I got very sick, I started throwing up (dry heaving), diarrhea, to where I was having diarrhea and holding onto a trash can dry heaving at the same time. That went on all night no sleep I was in so much pain from the dry heaving I decided to drive myself to the hospital. So Thursday the day I went to the ER was my niece's graduation from high school. I was so upset I was going to miss it. In the ER they gave me fluids, morphine and nausea medicine which worked like a charm, they did a ct scan the Dr wanted to make sure i didn't tear my pouch (scary). So the ct came back ok but they saw some swelling in my intestines which he said could be a small infection or from food poisoning which is what I'm thinking i had, and i need to follow up with a GI doctor, so I get out of the ER still time to go to the graduation, after my sister repeatedly told me not to worry and to rest, but i said no, i go home take a shower, got out of the shower sat on my couch and passed out, when i woke up it was time for her graduation and i missed it. I'm so upset that i did. My body went through so much and I was so tired that I slept till the next afternoon and I was feeling way better still weak but better. I went to get my nails done yesterday still not feeling 100% and today I took my daughter to the county fair because my younger niece told her they where going and not going to take her this year cause she doesn't like to go on the rides, which upset my daughter so I decided to take her, feeling better but still having to stop and rest, I'm now getting guilt tripped that I went and did this stuff like I purposely got sick to miss her graduation. Yes maybe I made the wrong choice for doing my nails the next day but we all make bad decisions. I already feel so bad and that I'm the worse aunt in the world but what am I supposed to do stay in the house all weekend even if I'm feeling better. Just need some advice...
    
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Bettisima
on 6/11/11 3:07 pm
Who's giving you the guilt? If it is the recently graduated, I say blow it off. I have a couple of teenagers and can verify they are selfish little snots at times. They have a lot of growing to do. Offer an apology, she either accepts it or doesn't. Heavens know every teenager out there has been too sick togoto school, but feels better enough to go to the game of the week after school.

You have nothing to feel guilty for. Your body made you take that time. It is possible, had you gone to the graduation, you might have found yourself back in the hospital
heidinsd
on 6/11/11 3:16 pm - Poway, CA
My niece started with the guilt trips then of course my sister jumped in to add on too it, Thank you for the advice, I did say sorry she said she forgives me but is hurt that I went and did those other things.
    
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Tammy G.
on 6/11/11 3:30 pm
RNY on 06/16/11 with
You know what, you do what you can do when you can do it. I'm sorry that family is disappointed, but all you can do is say that you are sorry and move on. The day one of my nieces graduated I ended up having to put my beloved dog Lola down. She had been my constant companion and losing her was one of the most painful losses I've ever endured. I was not up to attending her graduation that night and she understood. Heck, I was a mess for months afterwards (never been that attached to a pet before and since). If she didn't understand that would have been her problem, not mine. Do I regret not seeing her walk across the stage? Yes. Would I have done anything differently? No.
Binda
on 6/11/11 4:31 pm - CA
If you committed to it, then make amends and move on. Ask her what you can do to make it right...then move on


I have wasted enough of my life worrying about what people think of me.
        
k9ophile
on 6/11/11 5:39 pm

Is the niece who said your daughter wasn't invited the grad girl's sister?  It sounds like there are some drama queens in that family.  Not atypical for teen-age girls, yet it does sound that way to me.  I guess when you're 18, high school graduation is the most important event in your life, so I do see how she may have been super excited and proud to be the center of attention.  She may also think that a trip to the ER is no big deal.  I doubt she's ever experienced how exhausting that can be, just from the nerves or the adrenaline crash.  It's regrettable, but fairly understandable to an adult.


 As for getting your nails done, that's not exactly a strenuous activity.  You're just sitting there, right?  That doesn't sound like you were out whooping up after committing the sin of not going to graduation.  Which leaves us with the fair...  That could be exhausting with all the walking and the heat.  But what about your daughter?  She was probably hurt at being excluded & who likes to see their kid hurt.  You  weren't planning on going to the fair until your daughter wasn't invited, right?  As much as you love your niece, your daughter has to come first. 

My advice is to stay out of your niece's drama as much as possible.  You can say you're sorry you missed it, but I wouldn't do much more than that.  Part of growing up is to realize that one is not the center of the universe.

"Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us."  Stephen Covey

Don't litter!  Spay or neuter your pet

Winnie_the_Pooh
on 6/11/11 10:08 pm
Are you suppose to sit a home forever because you missed a party when you were sick?  You did these things a different day after you got better.  You have nothing to feel bad about.

 Winnie

 

heidinsd
on 6/12/11 1:15 am - Poway, CA
Thank you guys, I feel much better with the advice that was giving!!!
    
I love my tool!!!!
kathkeb
on 6/12/11 9:54 am
Sorry, but the running joke in my family is that 'you get a better gift if I don't have to sit through the graduation".

I went to my own graduation ceremonies ---- those were no fun.

Now, I give a generous gift, attend the party and wish the graduate well.

Your niece will get over it -- you were ill.  It would have been much worse to go to the graduation, and pass out there and make a spectacle of yourself.  She would have been mortified.
Kath

  
DebsGiz
on 6/12/11 8:46 pm - FL

Hey there,

First of all, you need to understand that you did absolutely nothing wrong.

At the time of the graduation you were deathly ill.  This was not your fault.  The next day, you felt a little better so you ventured out and had your nails done.  And the day after that, you ventured a little further because you were feeling better with each passing day.  Stepping away from the guilt trip that is being laid on you, does this actually sound like you did anything wrong?

Here's what this "old lady" has learned in life that has really helped me, and that is people are going to think what they're going to think no matter what the truth is because we each have our own version of the truth.

For example, I have a younger sister who will accuse me of things that have absolutely no basis in truth whatsoever, but because it's her truth, based upon how she views the world, I am always guilty of whatever she thinks.  It's like she has a thought, and because she does, it's suddenly reality even though she has no evidence to support the thought.

Anyhow, I have discovered that anyone *****sorts to emotional blackmail, also known as guilt trips, really does not need to be hanging out in my life. I can be polite to them when in their presence, but I do not go out of my way to engage them because they are poison.

For your sister and niece to be guilting you is simply wrong, and it speaks of a tremendous lack of character as well as a true sense of caring on their parts about you...

As people who will likely profess to "love you," the first thing they should have been concerned about was your health, not about your whereabouts at graduation when they knew you were so sick.

Shame on them...




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