I don't want surgery???!? *long*

I went to my anesthesiologist appt 2 weeks before my surgery date. I had started the preop diet that morning. I'd lost 79 lbs in about 8 months and was finally feeling like I could get through surgery.
The doctor, however, didn't like the way my airway looked and felt more comfortable having me postpone surgery till I could lose 30-40 more lbs. I left the office and made it to my car before breaking down and sobbing.
It was heartbreaking. I was so ready to get on with a healthier life. I need to do this. I haven't been able to work in years. Then, something happened. A moment of feeling so free. It was pretty bizarre. In the middle of emotional turmoil, I felt like my whole life had opened up and I was able to do what I wanted again.
It's been about 6 weeks since my surgery was postponed. I've been thinking about it so much. Trying to figure out what the heck I was doing and what I'd do with my future. I realized that I didn't WANT to have WLS, but I felt that it was my only hope. I still feel that it's the best option to lose major amounts of weight. I just don't want it.
That leaves me with huge questions about the future. I MUST get healthier. I'm still in the upper 300's and that's not good. I MUST be able to walk and move more so I can get back to work. I'm so tired of being financially dependent on everyone else and I don't want the situation to get worse.

So, what do I do??????? I've actually gained back 26 of the 79 lbs that I had lost. I just want to be myself, but myself isn't healthy. I hope that I don't get flamed, but I'd love some different ideas as to what to do and how to get my motivation back.  Thanks so much!

I was about to say it looks like you gained some confidence and were able to do it on your own....but then you hit me with the "I've actually gained 26 of the 79 lbs back".  So now I don't know what you are thinking but you aren't getting healthier...you are actually sliding back down that pit.

However - it seems like now the fact that being down in that pit doesn't bother you anymore.

It bothers me so much. That's why I sucked up the courage to post this. I want to live. I want to be healthy and I want to feel good.
That's why I'm here, looking for support and guidance.

However - it seems like now the fact that being down in that pit doesn't bother you anymore. 

I'd say quite the opposite! After working so hard to make it safer for her to have a life-saving surgery, this poor woman was told, "Nope!! I say that you haven't done well enough, so you can't!"

It sounds more like she has stumbled because of some clueless and callous remarks made by a medical professional who did not discuss a plan of action to make WLS a possibility. I think that she is reaching out for our support to give her the strength to move forward to have a procedure that she may not want, but realizes that she NEEDS.

And what she needs from us all right now is the compassion, support, and strength to move forward to reach her goal to be healthy.

Just my 2 cents.

 I am so sorry that you are going through this.  The reason for the pre-op weight loss is to try to have you in the best physical condition possible for a successful surgery.   The important thing is to get the weight off and then have the surgery quickly before the regain begins.

None of us really wanted surgery.  We all wanted to do it on our own.  We all did it on our own, then regained, repeated enough times to finally get the surgery.  You will still be doing this on your own.  You will just have a tool to make it easier.  If you don't use the tool, you will be back to being overweight.

Find another surgeon;  there is no reason to deny you the opportunity for health.  I see people here all time that top your present weight by 100# or more.

In the meantime, get all the white foods out of your diet;  that means no more bread, pasta, rice, or
potatoes. 

If you could lose this weight without the surgery, and KEEP it off, you would. 

You definitely need surgery to help you.

Best wishes,

This doesn't seem to be an issue with the surgeon, instead it would appear that the anesthesiologist is asking for more weight loss. That is not really so unusual. Some people carry weight in their chest and neck, and if they happen to have a short neck it can make intubation really difficult.

With some patients we actually did short term trachs, with some we did awake, rapid, intubations (I would never, never want an awake intubation), there are ways around the problem but they can be pretty drastic. Maybe this doc felt that since she has successfully lost a lot of weight already that she could lose enough more to make intubation safer and less traumatic for her.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I agree with the poster who suggested that you find another surgeon to help you reach your health goals. Jump right back on that bandwagon and stay the course. You hang in there, Tracey!!  

Lisa

At first, I didn't want surgery either.  I was only able to take that step when the daily misery of being morbidly obese was greater than my fear of having the surgery.  Only you can decide what is the tipping point for you.

I would advise talking to a counselor to sort through your feelings.  Perhaps also seek a second opinion with another anesthesiologist.  There could actually be some obstruction in your airway that would make you higher risk.  At least you would know what you're dealing with and could make a more informed decision about how to proceed.

Good luck! 

hi tracey :)


i read your post and thought to myself wow i am not the only one who is having  relatively the same issues, i am scared to death  of having the surgery myself but know that i do indeed need it so that i can get healthier to be here for my 2 young kids. i am currently doing the 1200 calorie diet and i know i have lost some weight but i am afraid to weigh myself though. i feel if i wweigh myself then i will say to myself that i have lost x amount of lbs and that just one peice of cake or bowl of ice cream wouldn't hurt... so if i leave the weighing in outof the picture i find that it keeps me on track much more easier.  i wasn't given a specific weight that i had to lose before the surgery though, my primary dr said to just do the 1200 calorie diet and go back to see her in 2 mths. so i have only been on this diet for 8 days now and i feel i am doing great. have you tried the 1200 calorie diet ?? what diet are you doing ?  what procedure are you having done ? i have heard of so many options out there that i don't know what one i want to go with yet, and i have time since i haven't met with the surgeon yet and they will help me decide which is best for me.