First confession....this took a lot!!!

jolene_l
on 8/3/11 8:35 pm - Jacksonville, FL
Hello....my name is Jolene.....I am coming clean.  I have been dealing with the addiction of pain medication since April.  I have never had a problem with them before and I am not sure what happened.  I know that I had to have my wisdom teeth removed (and they gave me enough to hold me over for a month) Than I am having problems with my cycle and have found out that I have 4 fibroids and because of the size and where they are located I have to have a hysterectomy in October.  And don't get me wrong....I hurt about 3 weeks out of the month.  So they gave me more pain meds to "help" me out.  Before I knew it I was taking a half one here and another one just a little bit later.  I was taking them before I had to drive home in the evening from work. All I could think was "I will stop when the bottle is empty".  WTH is wrong with me!!!!   Well Sunday my was waking up point.  I realized that I had taken four whole ones in less than 6 hours and I felt completely sober and drank alcohol on top of it.  I decided that after this I was done.  See....I work at a hospital and I see this everyday.....and to be honest I know that if I really wanted another RX all I have to do is ask.  But I have 2 little girls that depend on me and loving husband.  Monday was tough....Migrane from hell.....I was like the walking bi*** from hell.  Than Tuesday came.....it was like my throat had this incurable thirst and my throat was literally closing off.  Than the anxiety attack kicked in.....I thought "oh my God....I am never going to get through this!!!"  The migrane was like I have NEVER experienced before and I swear there was 10 lbs sitting on my chest.  I knew that I needed help.....and I went my friend and than my best friend "my husband" and broke down.  Wednesday was the day from HELL!!!!  I went to work and quickly decided that was probably not what I needed.  I went home sick and slept ALL day....still had the migrane from hell.  I am not sure what was worse.....the migrane or the body aches???  I felt like I had been hit with the worst case of the flu!!!!  My hair hurt!!!!  So curled up in bed and rocked and cried and cried.  And my loving husband laid there with me and was just his loving self.  I have to admit I feel A LOT better today.....but I know that this is not over yet.  Plus now I am so scared about my surgery in October.....I have already told my husband that he is to have total control over that bottle.  I feel like such a weak and disgusting person that I have allowed myself to be controlled by something as little as a pill.  I guess I do have to admit that I am glad that I ran out of the pills and realized that I had a really bad problem.  Why did I come here to blubber about it???  Because one....don't think too many of my friends on Facebook would be able to relate and I would get the truth from all of you!!!
So here is to day 3 of being clean!!!  Head still hurst a little but is a hell of a lot better than yesterday!!!!  Thanks for listening!!!! 

        
Godgaveus2
on 8/3/11 9:13 pm - WI
Hi Jolene,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.  Kudos to you for admitting that you have a problem.  I am currenlty studying to be a Pharmacy Tech and am learning how easy it is to become addicted to pain meds.  I am always scared for any new prescriptions because I am so scared I will become addicted, not that I ever have in the past.  Sounds to me like you really need to talk to your PCP.  You really need to have this under control before attemtping surgery.  It may even really benefit you to see a Psych.  Like I said before, I have never been addicted to any drugs, but I can't imagine that is something you can overcome by yourself.    You're right, it is so easy to obtain prescription now days, so what would really be holding you back from filling your script again?  There has been times in my daily life when I have said to myself that I know now why so many women become addicted to drugs, alcohol and in most of our cases on here, food.  Being a wife, mom, career girl, and whatever else is thrown on our plate is one tough job.  I think you have taken the first step in admitting you have a problem, now please call your Dr. today so you can get healthy enough to have your surgery.  I am going to friend you, if you ever want a nonjudging person to talk to.  I send happy prayers your way and I hope you are feeling better soon.
MissStaci
on 8/3/11 10:02 pm - Pompano Beach, FL
Jolene, that DID take a lot! The things that cause us pain or shame are so strong when we deal with them in secret. Once you drag them into the light they lose a lot of the power they have over us.

I'm physically dependent on meds I've been on for 13 years and know what happens when I don't get them so I've always been afraid to exceed my dosage, lol. Food on the other hand, has been an addiction for me for years. All the feelings are the same, only the withdrawal symptoms are different.

You're not weak. You're strong and tough. Look what you've already endured! Some people spend their whole lives avoiding what you CHOSE to do on your own--admitting your problem, then basically detoxing on your own. You're an ass kicker, you ROCK!

Be sure to eat well, take vitamins, etc. while your body is adjusting...not doing so makes it harder to fall back on old behavior when you have the urge. If you're comfortable, NA or therapy may help (your therapist won't tell your doctor anything without your permission). Hospitals usually offer pretty good resources for addiction and you can't be penalized for using them. Check on it anonymously.

You've got this, for yourself and your family!
 "Life is not easy for everyone. But life can be beautiful even when it is not so easy."
 Olga Bowman, "Four Seasons Lodge"
  
   
Terry B.
on 8/3/11 10:49 pm - Martinsville, IN
Jolene, you are wonderful to step up, admit your addiction, take the steps to get it under control and then to share this with all of us.  Bless you dear..  I have 2 DD that deal with pain med addiction.  They are both on the Suboxone program, but my concern is they will never be ready to come off the Suboxone.  I found my self looking forward to the euphoric feeling I got when I took my Lortab after my gall bladder surgery in May 2010.  I took med after my WLS in Jan, then again in May.  I told my DR to list Nsaids and narcotic pain meds on my list of allergies.  I know it really limits me, but it is so worth it!  Good Luck with your journey, every day is a victory.

 

I am only one, But still, I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.  And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do
the something that I can do. 
  
    Edward Everett Hale
  
                    Onederland 1/26/2010    
    
 

Mag (Marguerite) P.
on 8/3/11 11:39 pm - Green Valley, AZ
Hi Jolene,

     I am so proud of you. You are an amzaing woman. And what a wonderful husband that you have. I don't think I could do what you have done. Pat yourself on the back. You have performed a most difficult task. I am so happy for you.  Mag   
           
martitalinda
on 8/4/11 1:08 am
 (((((((((((Hugs))))))))) you are on your way to overcome this ... one day at a time my beautiful sista....

View more of my photos at ObesityHelp.com

autumnsiggy2RNY 2/5/07 no regain having implemented lifestyle changes....

 

StephanieAkerman
on 8/4/11 1:36 am - St. Louis, MO
Hi Jolene,

I don't post, I'm a lurker, but when I read this I had to write you. I've gone through the withdrawl of Vicodin, twice. It's a great drug, but it's too great for me. I think it's wonderful that you are able to talk to your husband and have his support. That's what got me through my worst times of the withdrawls.

The first 1-2 weeks are the WORST. Especially the first 5 days or so. You may want to talk to your doctor about what you're going through, because they can give you something to help get you past the trembling, body aches and extreme thirst. Slowly you'll start getting back to normal. But the draw to get more pills also grows.

Every week after I was clean, I felt better and better. By 2 months or so, all I had to do when I thought I wanted a pill, was remind myself of the terrible crap I endured to get clean. You never want to go through what you've been through thus far, right? Just try to remember all the pain and misery you're going through now to help keep you on the path to keeping clean.

You sound like a tough lady with a great support system. Please take care of yourself. Oh and I had a tummy tuck after I withdrew and I told the surgeon NO VICODIN. And look! 3 months after surgery, I'm still clean! Take care and good luck on your upcoming surgery. YOU CAN DO THIS!

Stephanie
Bralen
on 8/4/11 1:51 am
Good for you! You are well on your way to getting control of this. My advice is to tell your doctor. You don't have to go into detail, just tell him that you don't  do well with pain meds. That way if you do lose control and start asking for refills they will no longer be as easy to come by. I also agree with having your husband keep an eye on the bottle. That way if you start to get out of control he will know it immediately.

Huge kudos to you for taking action as quickly as you did.
Start weight 263     Surgery weight 247  
newmerightnow
on 8/4/11 2:31 am - AK
You are in my prayers.

Crissie
                   
mollypitcher08
on 8/4/11 4:27 am
Hugs to you! It took an incredible amount of courage to post what you have.  Do not be afraid of your surgery - if you need it please get it done.  Thoughts and prayers are with you.    My brother had back surgery and now is on disability.  He takes pain medication every day (sparingly I might add but still needs it) I wish for him, too that he could break away from the dependency on it. 
Best of luck to you and you sound like you have a wonderful loving husband who will help and support you and help you to get through all of this.
Again, take care and thank you for posting and please keep us all updated and post as often as you need to, there are people on here *****ally do care about others.   Mary
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