What is support?

"But what is support, really?  

Well, first of all, it is interaction with other humans that actually *feels* supportive. Support doesn't mean attending a support group that doesn't feel safe, or that doesn't have a culture of warmth and kindness. It doesn't mean going to your sibling who loves you, but who always delivers a hurtful comment along with the hug.  

Second, support requires the person or group giving support to be on a firm foundation. Otherwise, your support falls apart. Have you heard the saying, "Hurt people hurt people"? If your go-to people for support are hurtful to you, they are not on firm footing themselves -- better to go elsewhere for support.  

Third, support fosters your growth. If you are getting enough of the right support, you will experience a major transformation in yourself. You will discover a sense of empowerment and peace you have never before experienced. You will come to believe you can overcome your challenges and find some joy in this world."

A quote from Katie Jay, whom I admire so much for the quality of her support for post-WLS people.

Just so you know what to look for...

Not all support groups are equal.  I've personally recommended the support groups I attend to other post ops who are unhappy with their surgeon's support group.  These other post ops continue to attend the recommended group because they like the discussion groups, the information gathered there, topics, and the friendly atmosphere.  Some support groups are rather "sterile", and work on a set format, offer no group discussions, and repeat the same exact routine at every meeting.

For personal support at home, you need mature people who understand the aspects of post op life.  I always highly recommend taking your support person(s) to a few support groups PRIOR to your surgery, so they are "up to speed" on what post op life requires.  Lifestyle modifications have several facets, and you'd probably like your support system fully understand WHAT modifications are needed and WHY they are necessary.  An informed support system will be far more beneficial than a close relative you who knows nothing about the specifics of lifestyle modifcations. 

Dave

But, this is only accurate for SOME people, not everyone.

Support is NOT always "a culture of warmth and kindness." If everyone I encountered on here were warm and kind, I would get bored very easily and would not have stuck around for more than 2 years post-op because that's not helpful support to me. I don't always need, "Oh, honey it's okay..." Sometimes, we just need, "Why'd you do that?! That was stupid!" Some of us need a swift kick instead of just hugs all the time.

If you need swift kicks, that's fine. It's not so useful to always deliver them. It helps to have a broad vocabulary.

 My two cents:  Real support is just that:  Really supporting someone in a non-judgmental way by listening and encouraging them to open up and share....that way they will get the strength to make their own 'right' decisions for them.  Telling someone where they're going wrong or what's 'wrong' with them is reminiscent of parenting a child. 
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned debate?  Debate where there are no winners or losers, but each come out with a better understanding of the other and a perhaps more compassionate outlook on life....

 DITTO!!! DITTO!!! DITTO!!! LIKE!!!

VERY WELL SAID!

 I have found what I need really varies - one of the wonderful things about OH is the variety and that makes it more likely I will find what I need at any given time.

I do believe there is a weird and wonderful SYNERGY that comes from so many ex-obese people (mostly women) doing a Total Reboot of their lives and talking to each other about it.

also, to take the literal meaning, the very best and most FUN support is a good quality, properly fitted BRA.

OMG the first time I saw The Girls where they are supposed to be - I don't remember how far post-op I was, maybe a year and a half? I was in a dressing room with my boring old white tee shirt on over the bra and I was all SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  oh, I'd be Happy to pay you $65 for this bra! and then I zoomed around the mall and smiled at everyone like a maniac.

and then I probably went home and posted on OH about it!  

 

Hi Anne!
Good question? I'll just say this, not many people are more sensitive than I am. I mostly despise that about myself. It isn't easy being so easily hurt. I get my feelings hurt, react defensively and on occasion, pout. I really don't like that about myself. This has improved with weight loss but is not entirely gone.

That said, I have No One blocked on OH. There are a few people here I consider uhhhh...blunt and sometimes seemingly rude but are they really or is it how they are perceived? Well, at times, they are just mean! However, I have taken a lot from their posts so I will remain open to all of them.

Where else could I share that I have a new bike? Who cares if I "rocked" my 30 year class reunion? Why tell anyone else my ass hurts and I'm freezing? Who else would "get it" that we cried in a dressing room because the size 14's slid on without a problem? Who else would understand the thrill of having doors opened for you or being called "Honey"?

I know once I was on my way to my 2 year check up and could not find my vitamin list of labs! This appointment was with my primary care doctor and he really didn't know about the labs as much as the vitamin gurus here do. I came on in a panic and within 30 minutes, I had several lists! Woohoo! That was support!

If I related some of these things to my non-surgical friends, they would either think I am weird (maybe I am) or they would judge me as conceited (which I am not). I did finally stop smiling all the time and did come back down to earth...took about a year! I'm glad I have you...all of you! We are a really mixed up, fun loving, intelligent group of people sharing one thing in common, weight loss surgery. I read what I want, comment when I want and ignore what I want.

Remember, no one here is being forced to read, comment or share anything. It's your computer, your keyboard, your life. Everyone, be safe and be like me, quit being so sensitive! LOL!!   Connie