What is wrong with me?

Never in my 42 years of life have I lost over 100 pounds.  I should be happy and celebrate but I find myself thinking this is just "to good to be true".  Here are my issues in a nutshell:

1.  At almost 6 months, the weight is coming off slowly (2 pounds a wk vs. 3-4) and I am eating more.  I find that I'm going back to nibble on food when I'm not hungry (stress at work, home, etc.).  I feel a stall coming on.

2.  I'm working out, getting my protein and vitamins but I am starting to get that "I'm on a diet" feeling and being deprived is not fun.

3.  I still see the "fat girl" but I can walk stairs, cross my legs and work out more.  How do I change how my brain thinks of ME?

4.  Support groups are great but my best friends insists I get some professional help because this is a major adjustment in my life.  I felt more in control one or two months ago but why am I now doubting that I can reach my goal?  Is my honeymoon period over?

I want to encourage pre-ops that these are normal thoughts - I'm sure.  And it is proof to me from all the advice I've received on this site and in support groups that this just because you've had RNY doesn't mean your struggle is over - it may have just begun.

Joanne

First and foremost, congratulations on losing over 100 lbs!  You ARE an inspiration.

You're experiencing what everyone who has ever been on a diet (or in our case, lifestyle change) experiences.  You're mourning the 'loss' of your comfort foods.  One of the ways to combat this is to find new ways to incorporate those old foods.  If you're dying for pizza, make a healthy version.  If you want a milkshake, make it from protein powder and frozen yogurt.

And as for the "I'm still a fat girl" ... that's called body dysmorphia.  We (and we all do it) look in the mirror and see what used to be, not what is.  It's like getting used to a new hair style.  We don't see ourselves direct on all day long, so seeing ourselves in the mirror is a shock.  And anorexics suffer from it as well.  They see fat, we see ribs.

I think a support group is a great way to start.  If, after some time of talking to others with the same issues you still feel the same, then do try counselling.  There is no shame is seeking the help you need.  If you'd broken your leg, you wouldn't keep walking on it hoping it will get better.  You'd get it fixed.

Good luck.

Thanks Beth.  I can feel the mourning period has finally hit me.  These first 6 months were all about - "you look amazing - you've lost so much!"  And I didn't miss those comfort food and now I'm being to remember those special times we had (blab, blab).  Those foods were part of my downfall and I truly don't miss them or the uncomfortable life they had me lead.  Thanks for your comments.  They are spot on.

Joanne

I sought counseling when I went through many of these feelings and it truly helped me to accept who I am at any given time, even though I am not at goal I can be proud of where I have been in my journey.
RNY did not fix me, I am fixing the things that don't allow me to be the very best Lisa that I can be.  WLS is a tool that has been a lifesaver for many, myself included but the drastic changes that we go through mentally is sometimes overwhelming and reaching out for a little help along the way is not a bad idea I think.  My best to you, Lisa

I'm one for getting counseling. Mine has been a lifesaver, and I'm a therapist myself. Plus support groups and workshops and books and other reading and anything that will help a person see and behave more workably, with greater satisfaction and ease. Make sure to find one familiar with eating disorders.

What you are experiencing is predictable for the stage you are at. We go through stages in our recovery, and you're at the 6 month wall.

It takes a long time for the inner and outer realities to get in sync, and that's where good therapy can help a lot.

You're doing great work! And you're beginning to figure out what will work for you for the long term.

I swear I am going to write a book called 'LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I WAS FAT!"

Because, in a lot of ways (the wrong ways of course) it was.

- I always knew what size I wore.
- I never had to make choices about what to eat.
- I never had to deal with people's comments.
- I never had to pass a mirror and do a double take.
- I never had to think about dating or someone telling me I was pretty
- I never had stop and think before I put food in my mouth, WHY I was eating it in the first place.

It's dayumed traumatic to go through losing weight.  I remember knowing I was finally out of the plus-sized clothing but had no idea what size I needed to buy.  I remember being almost to the point of tears and leaving the store purchasing nothing!  I had to learn to be a "friend" to myself.  To set "small" goals instead of expecting myself to conquer the world. 

I had to learn to be comfortable with the attention when all I wanted to do was just be "normal" - like everyone else and just have normal conversations.  I remember my first airplane ride - POST WLS - when I thought I was going to actually faint when I had to tighten the buckle! 

It takes a while for the transformation, Joanne, into your new "normal".  It's almost seemed like once one hurdle is conquered, there was another one in it's place. 

A little humor goes a long way!   I was hula-hooping with my granddaughter at a park last week - and some ladies in the corner started clapping.  They had a bet between them that I surely must "hula hoop" every day to have gotten to the level I was at.  Truth was - I rarely hula hoop.  BUT, what they didn't know was that hula-hooping was one of my secret desires; something I knew I wanted to do if I ever lost weight.   

LIFE WAS EASIER WHEN I WAS FAT - but I couldn't hula hoop!

Get yourself a hula hoop, Joanne and start workin' it out!

Sandie

Sandie-

Your post rings true for me as a pre-op.  I know that I have gotten to a point where my "life," if you can call it that, is sorta set on auto pilot.  I blubber along through my days without having to give pause to anything I do or eat.  I'm fat and it's my security blanket.  I am terrified of losing the weight and actually having to be present in my own life again--making conscious choices about what to wear, to eat, to say to those asking me about my weight loss, etc. It feels very strange to be in this place of knowing this weight has to go or I'm going to die prematurely, and yet being very attached to the fat and my humdrum "life".  This is a journey of the mind as much as it is of the body and anyone going in to WLS without understanding that is in for a surprise awakening.  Hopefully, it will be a wondrous awakening when it's all said and done.

WOW!  Joanne, this was very informative!  Thaks for opening this thread.  I needed every word of it.

The struggle has just begun... WOAH!  That sounds very true.  It is the same for me with my sleeve.

But, I AM gonna do this.  I am.

Thanks to everyone who posted on this thread!  

 I know how you feel. 2 pounds a week is still pretty good, your body cannot do 4 pounds forever (although I wi**** did until we hit goal ; ) I have that on a diet feeling too and have been struggling. I feel guilty if I eat too much even if I am not sure it is too much. I have just decided to eat whatever I think I need that's healthy and allow myself one piece of chocolate at night. I crave it and if I don't have it I feel as if I eat other things to over compensate. I don't know if this helps, but I know what you are going through. I also freeze the chocolate so it takes longer to eat and make sure they are individually wrapped so I don't over do it.

  Joanne,
Wow ...wow, congratulation on the huge weight loss in only a few months. 
 You just lost over 100 pounds in less than 6 months. Your body is probably
in shock; give it a little bit the rest and the rest will come off.  Stop and try to
remember how it felt 6 months ago and you weighted over 300 pounds.
At that time did you ever image you would lose weight as fast as you have?
My point is 47.9 pounds is nothing compared to 100 or 20 is less than 40
and so on.

I agree with the other you should talk with a counselor. Best of luck, I know you can do it, just be patient. Crissie