As God is my witness...

I am in day six of my reduced calorie pre op eating plan. I was amazed by day two that the physical hunger wasn't much of an issue. I thought it would be much worse. I also realized the tremendous power my emotions have played in my overeating. I discovered, or more appropriately, acknowledged, what I think is, head hunger this week. After dealing with a particularly awful person at work, which in itself is not unusual (it’s my job, at which I rock!) I had a kneejerk reaction to shove something in my mouth to comfort myself. I resisted. Yeah me! But because I allowed myself to feel it and work though it without food, a flood of emotion took me over and…and I began to cry! At work! Holy cow! This in itself caused more anxiety which many of you, especially ladies, will understand. (picture Tom Hanks yelling, “there’s no crying in baseball!")  I spent the rest of the afternoon doubting myself and second guessing if the upcoming WLS will be of any benefit to long term change. If I can’t control the kneejerk urge to comfort myself with food, how will this ever work for me? I’ll lose the weight, then gain it back . Which would be devastating. That evening, despite feeling sorry for myself, I forced myself to go to the pool. I even sat in the car outside the gym for ten minutes trying to think of a great excuse not to go in. My rational brain won and the next thing I knew I was at the front desk facing the terminally happy beast of a women, handing her my membership card. By the end of my extra long swim all the negative feelings and doubt I had about the changes about to occur where gone. I felt strong and capable and sure of myself, again.   I was sure of the decisions I had made to set these changes in motion. I can do this. I can do this and NO jackass; irrational, psycho moron will EVER make me doubt myself again.   Nor will I succumb to the self destructive reactions to eat for comfort because of a well up of emotion. (picture Scarlett O’Hara standing alone on a hill, bright sunset behind her making her declaration of change) As God is my witness, I will to learn to feel and cope with all my emotions without using food. Period! No excuses!  My life depends on it. My next challenge….the birthday cake I am about to encounter at a friend’s tonight.  Wish me luck. Gulp!

YAY for you! You WON!!! Just keep showing up for the exercise & all of a sudden you won't be able to miss it & you will look forward to going!
As for the birthday cake I just try to delay gratification I know what it tastes like so I postpone eating it by telling myself if I still want it tomorrow I will have some, but for today I am not going to give in. Usually by the next day I have long forgotten that i even wanted any birthday cake!! Giving in to every desire is what got me to over 300 lbs in the first place this comes with practice & who said you aren't allowed to cry. This is a learning process & getting through emotions & feelings without our food takes practice. You are not alone in the battle! Good luck on your journey!

I do feel sooo much better after a long swim.  I feel proud, renewed and oddly calm but still energized.  I like the idea of saving the treats for the next day and reexaming my "want".  I did resist the cake today.  Score-Lisa 1, Cake Zero! Thanks for the reply.  It means a lot to know there are others out there fighting the fight. 

YAAAY!!!!!  I just got to work (mandatory overtime today as it is the 1st day of class for college students in PHX)... and I logged on to find your wonderfully inspiring post!!!!!  I am on day 3 of the mandatory (by my surgeon) liquid protein diet.  There are food celebrations all around me this week with us working OT and Saturday.... I almost grabbed a plate several times..... but remained strong!!!!!!

Best of Luck and thanks for the inspiration

Thanks for reading.  Good job to you for resisting temptation today.  We can do this! 

I totally hear you, a million times over.  this post op period for me has been very interesting, so many emotions are coming up.  I think that it is probably saving me, better to work through all this stuff now, rather than after surgery.  Or at least, be prepared for all the emotional work this really is.  so good for you.  And hey, even if you do succumb, even if you do cry at work again (been there, done that), even if you do lose it and let something get in your way, it is no big deal.  You can just remember what you learned here and get up and keep going.  We all fall, right?  It is about getting up again.

I spoke to my FABULOUS Hubby today about how unprepared I was for dealing with emotions and he said the same thing to me!  I will learn in time and so what if I fall down.  "You'll get back up! You always do.",he said.  What a guy.  I really like him...today. 

It sounds like you are SO ready for this! Good luck to you

Thanks.  I think I am.  We can do this!

Congratulations on your VICTORY!!! Your message will resonate with many who view it.

Best Wishes.