what have I done?

Okay, I know I've read repeatedly that this is a very common feeling, but I've been struggling with it so much the last two days in the hospital.  I woke up this morning when they brought my breakfast tray in and just felt instantly depressed all over again.  I'm really struggling with this.  What have I done to my body?  Was this really necessary?  I know with every fiber of my being that the answer to the latter is a resound, "YES."  I had to do this if I wanted to be happy again and enjoy life.  As a matter of fact, I needed this if I wanted to live at all.  I wasn't going to last long the direction I was quickly headed.

I'm just so scared I'll stay in this one spot, trying to get down a protein shake that smells and tastes horrible, a body that feel strange and hurts in weird places.  How long did this phase last for those of you that experienced.  I'm so incredibly depressed and tearful, and I know I'm worrying my mom to no end.  She's been so sweet to me and right here the whole way.  She has had to sleep sitting up in a chair and is at her own wit's end.  I pray they do discharge me today, as the surgeon mentioned.  I need that as much as she does.

Well, as I was writing this, the surgeon came in, asked me some questions, and said I could go home.  That definitely helps me a bit.  I'll write more later.  In the mean time, I would really like to hear from other people who experienced the "what have I done?" feeling.  How did you deal with it, and how long did it last?

Might be time to go shopping for a protein shake that you can actually like, maybe even enjoy.  They're not meant to be atonement! The good news is that you will be able to eat more foods very soon, the weird pains will go away and then one day you will get on the scale and see weight slipping away or better yet, put on clothes and realize how loose they are! 

One of my brightest early days wa****ting the Goodwill to "downsize" my wardrobe.  Why Goodwill? Because anything you buy on the way Down will be too big in a matter of weeks, so don't invest much. And I saved for that one "just have to have it" item to splurge on after a year going Down, which in my case turned out to be the most amazing fake fur coat that makes me happy every time I wear it!

 

 

I love Goodwill shopping and go there frequently.  You can go on shopping sprees and spend less than $30.  More than half of my clothes come from there.  All of my jeans are from there.  My winter coat is from there and all of my jackets.  And I dress very nicely, I get compliments all of the time.  People are shocked when I tell them I paid $3.99 for it at Goodwill...hahahaha.  I have labels from Levis, Gap, American Eagle, Old Navy, Aeropostale, Northface...all bought for less than $4.99   My coat is Columbia and I bought it for $6.99!!!

A little tip.  I buy jeans that are a size or two too small and every so often I try them on...it's so gratifying when those jeans finally fit!!!  For me it's better than seeing the scale go down. 

Just a little something for you to look forward to when you are feeling better.  Because this to will pass. 

Yay you get to go home! My husband was in the hospital for 3 nights after his RNY a year ago. He was kind of obsessed with buying t-shirts at thrift stores for a while but he leveled off.

I had the same depressed feeling when I got home. I was alone all day while the kids were in school (single mom) and the thoughts that made me cry were "Why did I do this to myself? I should have tried harder to diet!" and "Watch..I'll be the one person the surgery doesn't work for"

Fortunately,every day got a little less depressing and brought happiness with each pound lost. Hang in there!

Oh I know this feeling all too well. It feels literally like just yesterday that I was in the hospital and wondering what the heck had I done???? I remember wishing I had not done the surgery and the agony of having to move around in so much pain. It WILL get better. Not only will it get better but it will happen quickly. After the next two days you will start adjusting to life at home and feel more comfortable with less pain.

 

It also goes along with perspective. I remember my dad coming to visit and making me walk around the hospital and telling me that I would be just fine. He would assure me that this was the right decision. Whereas my poor hubby who was uncomfortable in the hospital and frustrated with our two kids at home would ask me What had I done???

 

Just know that this too shall pass and it will soon be behind you. You already completed the surgery successfully!

 

Congrats and welcome to the losers bench!

It will pass.  You will feel so much better.  I think everyone has these feelings at first. In the beginning, I dumped alot.  I wpuld get so sick, it made me be more accountable on every bite.   The surgery saved my life.  I was taking 22 pills a day, walking with a cane.  Now, I only take 3 pills a day, no cane...I do Zumba 3 times a week.  You can do this....I went from size 28-30 to large a.d size 16 pants.  Keep up the good work.

Welcome to the losers bench. I think most of us wondered at first what we had done. I felt a lot better once I got home and could get a routine going. Every day is a bit better and as the weight falls off you soon feel so much better that you will be happy you had your surgery. I have gone from a size 24 to a loose size 10 since August 29th. Soon you will be hitting up Goodwill for smaller sizes!

It is very common but I know when you are in the middle of it it seems like you will never feel normal again. YOU WILL.

4th of July 2006. I was two weeks post-op eating mashed carrots with protein powder mixed in (don't try it it sucks) and smelling everyone's BBQ smoke in the neighborhood. I was smack dab in the "what the hell did I do to myself" phase. I sat and sobbed on my bed. Wondering the same thing you are now. Was it that bad? Did it have to come to this? Well I asked for it, no one to blame but myself... sound familiar?

When you are newly post-op and eating a couple of tablespoons of mush like a baby you can't imagine that life is ever going to be "normal" again. IT WILL. Keep trying some shakes there are a few tasty ones, don't pressure yourself, aim for a little bit better each day, as you get more protein in you will feel stronger in body and mind. Soon you will find a few meals you like, rotate those and you'll start seeing the scale #'s going down and that will help. It took me about 7 weeks to stop feeling like a patient.

Oh and fast forward to the next 4th of July... I was feeling awesome, well over 100 pounds down and getting full on my (sensible portion) of BBQ.

Stay strong.

~Michelle "Shelly"

I didn't say it to myself right off the bat...the puking, nausea....weird feelings.....that didn't open up that can of worms for me...it was when my 13 year old daughter came to visit....I felt like a faucet after she left...so depressed. I was thinking how I could have put myself on a table and rearrange my insides because I am fat? How dare me to put my daughter's mother in that type of situation...especially knowing the consequences of any surgery....The guilt of doing it is no longer there. I am 2 weeks out now....the question of WTF did I do....yeah, its there. Feeling as if my full time job right now is to stay hydrated. It's ok Katikati....you are normal in my book ;)