THE DILEMMA: I AM NOT AS ADVERTISED!
Here is a little background about me:
I will be celebrating my 8 year "surgiversary" on the 21st of this month!!!! YEAH!!! My highest weight before surgery was 400+ lbs. The day of surgery I weighed approx., 365 lbs.. My lowest weight after surgery was 212 lbs.! Due to several severe health problems etc., I underwent 14 surgeries over the past 8 years, never made it to goal - and actually regained 80 lbs!!!
Tragically, on December 15, 2011, my world was forever changed when after a very courageous and graceful battle with lung cancer, my dearest mother, who was my heart and my everything, "earned her wings," and went to be with the Lord!!!
I thought my life was over! But God had put people in my life who took care of me and loved me and supported me through the darkest moment of my life! Little did I know He would place 3 people in my life who would help me radically transform my look as well!
So far, I've lost 55 lbs and am on my way to finally making it to my goal weight! I traded in my glasses for contacts!!! I wear makeup, and I dress really attractively!!! EVERYONE who knows me has only had good and positive things to say about my new look!!! Guys are starting to notice me too! Which brings me to my dilemma!!!
When it comes to intimacy - I'm not as advertised!!! The sagging skin, the stretch marks, the surgical scars, the hair loss (I wear lots of different wigs)!!! So my question is, how do you deal with intimacy issues?
on 4/13/13 8:54 pm - MI
In regards to your question about intimacy and sagging skin,..i would think once you get out there and dating and you find someone you want to be intimate with i would tell them before hand you don't have to discuss your surgery but i would think you would've taken the time to get to know one another and at some point bring up the topic of your weight loss and the issues with sagging skin. If the man is truely interested in you and getting to know you as a person and has grown to care about you the sagging skin will not be a problem. I'd also like to congratulate you on your weight loss and am sorry about the loss of your mother.
on 4/13/13 10:40 pm, edited 4/13/13 10:40 pm - Burleson , TX
CHERYL-so great to see you posting again!!! I am NOT going to make this response about ME-this thread is about YOU-but I do want to share with you that I did not reach my "goal number" until my 9th surgiversary-with a 60 lb gain..more than once..along the way...so YOU, my dear, can MOST CERTAINLY reach yours, you young, beautiful girl !!!!!!
Ok..as for the skin..Gonna let you in on a well non fact:
GOOD MEN DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR PHYSICAL IMPERFECTIONS
Got that? Trust me-WE care a whole lot more than they ever will..I insist on having the lights off...My guy would LOVE having stage lights blaring...We compromise--soft, mood lighting...being NOT entirely nekkid makes us FEEL sexier, I think..at least until you can scramble under those covers!..so get some lingerie YOU feel good in..There are all types of good, underwire, supportive lingerie out there...
You are under NO obligation to share your medical/surgical history with a date. Are you planning on having sex with every dinner date you have? OF COURSE NOT. You are much too valuble a person for that. By the time you are ready to "do it", you will KNOW how to proceed. For ME, I'm not good at "talking" about things..I'm more of a do-er...One idea might be a swim date..If you think you are ready for sex, and you INSIST on him seeing your body first, go to the pool..
You have come so far..and I am so pleased you are back here now-and on a positive note !!!
RNY 4-22-02... HAG=Honest And Genuine
LW: 6lb,10 oz SW:340lb GW:170lb CW:170
We Can Do Hard Things
I agree with the others, the right man is the one who doesn't put your looks ahead of who you are. If they are turned off by your skin then they aren't the man for you! That is a good way to gauge if the man is the real deal, by how he loves you with or with out saggy skin. It's not false advertising, it's life and we all come thru with some bumps and bruises.