Rambling...

Happy Friday night everyone. I feel like this post should probably be a blog entry. I used to be an avid blogger when I thought I could do this the "natural" way but quit blogging once I realized that maybe my "natural" way is with medical intervention. For years, I contemplated having WLS. Until recently, everyone thought I was out of my mind. Now my doctor, husband and aunt (who is my best friend) are all on board. Now I'm wondering once again, if I should go through with it, should I have VSG or RNY and will I really be able to commit to the new lifestyle. After all, I've tried every diet known to man in the past. I've exercised, lost weight and eventually gained it all back every time plus some. I find myself wondering will removing part of my belly or rewiring my intestines really make that much of a difference. I've come to accept that I have an addictive personality. I can be honest with you guys. No one knows me in real life. I smoke on average 1/2 pack every day. I drink aprx. 2 vodka and diet ginger ales every night. On the weekends this could double depending on if we are entertaining or not. I KNOW that none of this is good for weight loss or my health afterward but my weight makes me feel so awful that I find solace in these self destructive behaviors. I KNOW that I will have to undergo a psych eval and I plan on being completely honest. I NEED HELP and SUPPORT and that's why I'm here and why I've started this process. Usually I have a question when I post. Right now, I don't know what my question is. I know I need to stop the bad behaviors and the effects that they will have on me in my new life and even my existing one in the long haul. So, please chime in. If you feel the need to scare me, feel free. If you want to yell at me, I can accept that too. What I really hope for is that you will be supportive. Has anyone been in my situation? There's a whole lot more and I'm going to start blogging or at least privately journaling again to get it all out. My name is Nita and thanks for letting me share. I apologize for any typos. If I had re-read how much truth I just posted, I probably would have deleted and ordered pizza. I am SO hating where I've gotten myself right now. 31 with a BMI of 49,

Hi there rambling

It is always a good idea to get your supports in place before any major decision.  From your conversation you have some real concerns.  It is great that you know what they are.  The brain is a very powerful machine but it can be reprogrammed.  Setting up the appropriate support is key.  A Life Coach or someone who is an expert in food issues (addictions/disorders) would be someone who could help you now and after surgery.  Yes, this is a total lifestyle change and you have to come onboard to make it successful.  There are many many tools out there that you will learn and will use in this journey.  You won't be alone and will always have support if you chose to use it.  Another support  you may want to consider is a nutritionist.  Learning how to make healthy food choices now, learn about portion control now will give you some good ammo when the challenges come.  Find a good support group.  Listening to other success stories are always uplifting.  Many will have suggestions and methods to share that have worked for them.  Lastly, think about active activities that you enjoy.  Most likely if you enjoy it, you will stick with it longer than if you picked one you don't like (jogging, biking, etc).

So, as you research the procedures for their pros and cons, you will gain power in knowledge.  This power will enable you to make the right choice for you.

Setting up your supports and getting started now will help you have a successful journey into a healthy life and body.

I hope this helps.

 

Hi ShoutJoy,

Thanks! That really did help a lot. I am looking forward to meeting with the nutritionalist and the counselors. I think that I am half way there by knowing the problems and admitting them. I used to be SO ashamed that I find myself in the position I am in. Now I know that obesity and overeating is as much of a disorder as any other condition that people seek medical/professional help for. Just this weekend, The further I travel along this journey, the more aware I am of the choices I am making. If I didn't learn anything else from this board, I learned that my success or failuer lies in my own hands. I see WLS as a second chance. The weight will come off. It's up to me to keep it off. Could I loose it on my own? Probably. But keeping it off always proves itself to be more difficult than getting it off in the first place. I realize that I need a tool and once I am blessed to get it, I must keep my tool in tact and work with it. I think that's why I'm having such an intense internal battle because I know once I go through with this, I truly have no one to blame but myself if I don't do well. Thanks for the support and I know I'm going to make it. Seeing that you are 13 years out is an inspiration. Seeing that you are still on this board shows me how important support is. I know a lot of people that had surgery and succeeded and people that failed. The people that did well stuck to plan. Those that didn't thought that once they had surgery that's all there was to it. I don't want to be one of those people and actually hope that I can help some of them get back on track. Thanks again!

Hi Nita - I just want to tell you how brave you are to post your "rambling". It's never easy to fully admit our truths to ourselves, let alone to many other people. I suspect many of us, myself definitely, have addictive personalities. I used to smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day. I quit so many times and just kept failing. On my 40th birthday I quit cold turkey. But, I picked up another habit - eating. Which is why, 9 years later, I'm fat but smoke free. I've debated the RNY for the past 2-3 years, after several failed diet attempts. I've decided I will pick up other habits now - exercising and eating healthy and loving myself. My surgery date is July 1st. I'm feeling very hopeful for the first time in years! Good luck to you as you explore your options. This forum has been so inspiring to me as I've explored my options:-)

Hi Teach64,

Thanks for the support, You wouldn't believe how much better I felt after I aired my dirty laundry. I too have gotten a lot of inspiration and hope from this forum. With all the negative stories and comments we often receive when we mention that we are considering WLS, it's nice to have a place where you can talk to people who have been and are in your shoes. I found this website by happenstance. Since then, I found that friends I didn't even know had WLS are on here and my information session suggested joining this site. It's been a help even when I come across people that scold me. We're going to be okay and I'm here for you too.

 

Nita

Have you tried working with a health coach? I've also tried a lot of diets and have always gained the weight back, since diets aren't sustainable. 

Honestly wearing a size six, buying cute clothes, and feeling light in my body is more important than any food you could offer me but I do not have an addictive personality.  Food to me is the mortal enemy, we have a love hate relationship.  I will never return to MO, so I sacrifice daily.  What is important to you, only you know the answer.

Excellent way of looking at it! I would love to be a size six or even a sixteen for that matter. LOL I guess if I got down that small, it would be motivation to keep it up.