just broke 4 of the cardinal rules...feeling horribly guilty, and hating myself!!!!

anniechanging
on 10/7/13 6:04 am

I'm 11 months out from my RNY surgery and couldn't be happier with the results.  Have lost half of my total weight, and am way below all my goals.  This morning I weighed 117.0 lbs (I've been hovering in the 116-118 range).  My HW was 230 lbs. 

So why the #*^!@! did I just go through a drive-thru donut place, buy crap, and then proceed to break several of the post surgery cardinal rules, which I've happily been living by for the past year?!?!??

I just ate a chocolate chip muffin (top), and 2/3 of a cinnamon bun, AND a diet pepsi, which I drank with the food, and I used a straw.

So here I am feeling like crap - physically and mentally.  The food is not sitting well (although unfortunately I'm not a "dumper" so I can tolerate the foods I crave - namely sugary carbs).  I NEVER drink with food (although I really miss that)...I've been religious about this, because of all the cautionary tales of people stretching their stomas with the dreaded "slurry" mixture, and gaining weight.  I haven't had a carbonated beverage in over a year.  And I gave up straws at the same time.  So, WTF???  Why did I do this?  Yes, I'm feeling stressed about some things, and yes, I was having overwhelming cravings, even though I'd eaten a lot of protein today, but I HATE that my normally good food habits can go right out the window in a split second.  At 2 pm today when I calculated that I'd already eaten over 1,100 calories, I thought to myself "well, you've already screwed up the day, so you mind as well really screw it up and eat something you actually want".

It really scares me.  This may be just one incident, but I had a weight problem all of my life, and being newly thin, I feel like I've got only a tenuous and fleeting hold on my new weight and this new me.  I know how bad I used to be, in terms of my eating and addictive/compulsive habits.  I constantly fear that I will gain my weight back (yes, not "the" weight, but "my weight - like it's going to come back home to roost), and of course this is all my own damn fault.

I've got my one year follow up appointments booked for November with the NUT, the social worker and the nurse practitioner.  There will be lots to talk about.  Everyone is so incredibly complimentary and always tells me how wonderfully I'm doing, but today I feel like a total failure.  ~ sigh ~  I don't want to end this on a total downer.  On the positive side, the diet pepsi tasted weird and metallic, and I didn't really enjoy the cinnamon bun like I anticipated I would.

TXKashmir
on 10/7/13 6:13 am - Grand Prairie, TX

Hi, Annie! First off, relax...you made a few mistakes, you're human. The good news is that you're aware of what you've done wrong, and are aware of the steps you need to take to nip it in the bud. I'm five years out, maintaining quite well, and have made every single one of those mistakes, and some even worse. I just know not to make those into habits. I had this surgery so I could be normal, and guess what? Normal people have donuts once in a while! Your success is amazing, so you're doing something right - keep it up and don't let a mistake hold you back!

Debbie
Keeping track of my progress without a scale...Starting size: 28-Current size: 6-Goal size: 14

sand SAND...it's not a club...it's a frame of mind...

Destin
on 10/7/13 6:14 am

So you had a slip up... Forgive yourself.. and have a do over...

It is good you don't want to gain the weight back and you are aware how to put the weight on...  HAVE A DO OVER..

 

TAKE CARE

mkvand
on 10/7/13 6:15 am
VSG on 01/06/14 with

Everybody screws up sometimes, the important thing is to get right back on track.  Do you have anyone you can talk to about your food issues, like a therapist or overeater's anonymous?  Or is that what the social worker is for?  It sounds like you're under a lot of stress and it's driving you back to old habits, so you'll need to find some other way to deal with the stress.  Good luck.

yatexashoney
on 10/7/13 9:07 am - TX
Hi Annie. I'm waiting for jan 28 to get my surgery date. And I have been struggling w/will I do the same thing you did after I have my surgery. But I remember what a therapist told a group of use at work... She said falling is apart of getting over any addiction, be it cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or food. Your going to fall don't punish yourself. Just remember how far you have come & start tomorrow new. It helps me when I think of her words hope it helps you a little.
Member Services
on 10/7/13 12:13 pm - Irvine, CA

To echo the great responses you have gotten, don't be so hard on yourself.  Tomorrow is a new day!

Here are a couple of articles we hope are helpful?

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/head-hunger-hang-on-it-w ill-pass/

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/beware-of-the-snack-atta ck/

Take care.

MickeyDee
on 10/7/13 12:13 pm

First:  you're human and will slip. Don't let it drag you down.

Second: you've found out that your "treats" didn't taste as good as you remembered them.  This is a good lesson!

Don't beat yourself up;  pick yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again!

 

Linda_S
on 10/7/13 2:54 pm - Eugene, OR

Forgive yourself and move on.  Just make sure that you don't make that kind of activity a habit.  Really be careful of the eating and drinking.  It had cause stretching of not necessarily your stomach, but the passages through it on either end.

 

Success supposes endeavor. - Jane Austen

shoutjoy
on 10/7/13 9:29 pm - Culpeper, VA

Hi there,

It sounds like you found your trigger foods.  That's good because now you know which ones to avoid.  We all have week times.  It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson and know what you need to avoid.  It is not shameful to admit that you may need some additional support.  I am a great advocate of Life Coaches.  Finding that person who can work with your relationship with food and equip you with the tools you need to overcome these temptations.  Recognizing what pushes your buttons and build the strength not push them again. 

Today is a new day and new goal setting.  Think.. ok now is the time to get the support I need so I have the tools I need to not let this happen to me again!

 

Clueless about weight loss and weight loss surgery of any kind.

    

        
anniechanging
on 10/8/13 12:04 am

THANK YOU very much to all of your for your support, insight and wise words.  Today IS a new day, and I'm feeling in control again.  I've planned out my meals and will stay on track...no ifs ands or buts.  Wearing one of my new size 2 skinny black jeans and feeling pretty damn good.  I was very lucky...can't believe that the scale didn't move up since yesterday morning...after consuming about 2,400 calories I thought for sure that I'd have to pay the piper for my binge.  I actually feel good (physically, mentally and emotionally) when I eat healthy (which still surprises me), and feel crappy when I don't, but head hunger and sugary carb cravings can send me reeling out of control.  Thanks again everyone...you're an awesome support group.

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