What Am I Doing?

What am I doing? I keep asking myself that.

To fill you in I am now waiting for a call giving me my surgery date. I have had the orientation, the week of full-fluids, the consultation with Raleen (Nurse Practitioner) and Leah (Dietitian), and meet with Dr David Pace and signed my consent. I have talked with family, friends and  health care professionals about this decision and when it comes down to it it is my decision, my choice, my life.

I have bounced from "yes all the way" to "hell no what are you thinking". I have done well with eating and avoiding unhealthy choices but I have also (and now am) eaten like it is my last meal - whether I ate out of just wanting to eat or that I could not compel myself to stop eating. I have read many books (may be not enough), search the web, and joined Facebook groups. I have done Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, checked out and considered a food addictions rehab and stumbled through seeking advice from many sources.

Now it is down to WHAT AM I DOING?

I am scared! Scared of having the surgery and scared of not having the surgery. The pros and cons are ... well they are another fear of how can I commit my life full to something when so often I fail and go back to poor habits. I am here to plead for support, advice and further educate myself. I need to do this for my health and that should be priority. But I have not been strong enough to make changes that have stuck with me.

I will comb over this site to educate myself but I have a question for you the reader:

what advice or reflection of your journey can you share with me from this waiting point of the journey? What did you do or someone you know had done? Is there things I should be considering at this point or should have considered before? 

I thank you for your time and hope to gain an insight from you (all).

Take care and God Bless

The main thing for your to realize is that everyone has fears and everyone has second thoughts on this.  I didn't think I did, but 3 days from my surgery I was suddenly terrified. I was able to realize that it was just my fear of change, fear of surgery, and fear of the unknown.  To get through this, I had friends pray with me at church and stubbornly trusted my previous decision.  I realized that nothing new had come to my attention, there was no new information to cause me to freak out, so I trusted in the decision I had made while I was not "freaking out".

Related to this, you do need to get your head in the game.  WLS is an amazing tool, but you have to be willing to use it properly. If you are not willing to make the commitment to yourself to follow the rules then you should bail now and save yourself the time and pain.  However........  if you can determine that you love yourself enough to do this, then make a commitment to yourself and God to follow through.

Everyone slips. What you have to do is plan to not slip, but when you do, forgive yourself and do better.

What other sorts of advice or information are you looking for? Feel free to talk more.  I'm still starting down this road, but at 4 1/2 months, it is amazing and I have no regrets at all. I am blessed enough to have a great support system and that has been awesome!

If you feel you're not ready, maybe you should consider additional therapy before you commit to the process.  Once I made the decision, I never looked back.

If I had to do it over again, I would have had the surgery YEARS ago.  Life only gets better if you are committed and willing to make the sacrifices.  Good luck.

Which surgery are you planning?

The biggest thing I can share with you is to understand that any surgery can be defeated if you don't take the time to learn new healthy habits. people gain all their weight back. it isn't magic. if you understand that and you'e ready to take on your own demons then you will be a step ahead of a lot of people.

Like you, I tried many times. And I failed, each and every one of those times. I was always fat, but as I matured my weight kept creeping up and up and up. I always told myself that if the doctors ever found something seriously wrong with me, I would lose the weight. Well, high blood pressure came knocking, and I couldn't lose the weight. Diabetes showed up next, and I still couldn't lose the weight. Finally I decided that I'd stop saying "no way" when my doctors suggested weight loss surgery, and I wish I would have done it years sooner. I have hope for the first time in my life that I CAN be successful, thanks to two things: My new pouch and my new attitude. I'm no longer shoveling food in without tasting it, as I vowed to follow all the recommendations from my surgeon and dietitian. I don't feel like I have to fill a bottomless hole inside me. I'm enjoying my life for the first time in many years, and every little change in weight or what I can do just reinforces my resolve to be healthier and happier.

You can do it. I'm convinced that for the vast majority of overweight people, this is the ONLY way for them to lose weight and become more healthy. Don't let stories of complications scare you; the fact is that most people who have the surgery do just fine. What are you doing? You are taking control of your weight, your health, and your life. This can only be a good thing.

Good luck, and I hope that some of the responses here help you.

My surgeon told me, "If you weren't scared or nervous, I'd be concerned about you. Anxiety means you know exactly what you're getting into and just how much of a big deal it is." And it's a good thing, honest! Embrace your worry and use it as a motivator to do more research, write a long list of pro's and cons, come up with every possible question and what-if you can, and find all the answers you can.

And if you have a hard time finding answers, we're here to help :)

As I was in Pre-op, waiting to go to surgery and almost ready to walk out because I was so anxious, I realized how courageous I was to do this.  It's one of the biggest decisions that I had made in my life and it was truly courageous and saving a life.  Mine.   

That has helped me through bad days afterward too.  It has helped me become more healthy and active.  I have traded my medications for high blood pressure, cholesterol, and heart for vitamins and so thankful.  It doesn't hurt to be able to move easier and wear smaller sizes! 

Remember "Be courageous!"

Get an empty two liter bottle of soda.  Take the cap off of it.  Your old stomach is the size of the soda bottle, your new stomach will hold about as much as the bottle cap.

Sure you will have to change your eating, but it is so much easier when you are not hungry anymore and you can only eat a tiny amount of food when you do eat.

It you get surgery and then don't sabotage yourself by going off your plan, this weight loss is going to be really easy. 

Two of the reasons for gaining weight are hunger and the ability to eat too much.  Take those two things away and the diet is pretty easy.

Thank you so much for your honesty! I have been struggling with these same feelings.  You are not alone!  My surgery date is May 5 and I am waffling back and forth between types of surgery I should undergo and then whether I should do it at all!

Keep the faith! You are in the right place.

Sheri