HUSBAND SAYS "No"!??!!

Ok I want to apologize ahead of time for venting. And laying it all out there but was hoping someone maybe going thru the same thing or did and would have any advise.  who else knows you so intimately, been there day in and day out through all your weight gains, your weight losses, your up on the mountains and your down in the valleys. Who sees your struggles your failures? He of all people would know exactly what your going thru, because he would see first hand. At times when I'm trying He'll make comments about how I should do the working out how I have to do it and where. .. can't go to the gym the past two times I have signed up in thepast two yearsnot only am i in a battle with myself to stay motivated not be ashamed and every thing that goes on inside of your own head then i come home and he is so upset that he ignores me making comments not wanting to watch the kids and so on. Ok so I try to work around that to help him thru this time. So I would go at 4&5 in the morning so everyone would be asleep. Then of course that wasn't ok there was more excuses and that was about all I could handle "mentally" was tearing me down. So I stop going, he is ok for a while and then says"Mandy , you know you could lose a lot of weight if you tried, really you could" !!! Ok I have tried every thing you can think of on my own and he would see me doing- it for months, years, and so on. I have gained probably 40 lbs since Dec so I know he thinks he's helping, but it don't and soon as I start any plan then the battle is on with him. It's not his fault by no means for the place I'm at now where my choices brought me but I'm at the point that I can't do it any more. I don't want to go down that road any more. I need to lose the weight. We just got approved for share of cost Medicaid and we would only have to pay around $2000 and Medicaid would cover the rest. It was like a God send. But now he has other excuses why we can't. I'm trying so hard to follow him and do right by him but I just feel like it's never going to happen. .. kinda like losing hope , and that's not me. I have always had an attitude of its going to happen if not today,

tomorrow, always looking up. But I can't find that to look forward to no matter how much I pray there is something in me that wants to give up on it for good. I just keep praying God would open my eyes to what I can't see. So if you read this thanks for taking the time and if you have been there done that please , I'll take all the advise I can get

Divorce sounds like an answer to me.  I guess because I wasted so many years MO with the wrong person I feel no one should waste their life.  And he sounds totally wrong to me, but of course no one can make decisions for you except you, so why are you letting some man tell you you can't have wls?  Who is he to run your life? 

Why are you telling OP she should get a divorce? Who are you to run her life?

Don't you know that divorce is always the right answer? I'm surprised more people here have not suggested it! Especially after learning all about the OP's life in under 2 minutes. 

Now where's that sarcastic smiley?

Why are you allowing your husband to bully you like he is. The Bible says a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. That means that he should be supporting you no matter what you decide to do. Christ died for the church and your husband won't even help you get to the gym, come on, quit enabling his bullying. You need to stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to abuse you. He is abusing you verbally and mentally, I hope not anything more. No I haven't been thru this situation because I would never be with someone who is abusive in any form especially about my health. Very few people can lose weight on their own and keep it off, that is just a fact. So you need to tell him to either get on board or get out of the way but you are going to have your surgery no matter what, just don't get a stupid lapband. Good luck!

Spot On. I agree 100%. This is some of the best free advise I've ever heard...sometimes God does move in mysterious ways...this is one of them.

My situation is similar in that my fiancé doesn't want me to have the surgery.

He tries to be supportive of my losing weight but thinks I'm just not trying hard enough :( Everyone here keeps telling me it's MY choice and he just has to deal with it :/. If you figure out what to do, let me know too!

I'm sorry your in that situation.  I  

i 

He does not understand. Nobody understands who has not been where you are. 

When I decided to have surgery, I just announced that I was doing it.  There was no discussion, he could get on board or not, but I was taking care of myself.  No amount of going to the gym is going to get your weight off and keep it off. 

They claim that 5% of people can do this on their own, but in my 66 years of life, I have never known one person who lost more than 50 pounds and did not gain it back within five years.  The surgery is just what you said.  It is God's answer to your prayers.  It was God's answer to all of my prayers.

Think about this.  What if it was a car that was needed.  Would your husband spend $2000?  You know he would and a lot more.  Your life is much more important than a piece of metal that will wear out and rust out. 

Every marriage or relationship will not survive this kind of change.  When I was 36, I went back to college and got a lot of flack at home.  I was working an eight hour job, taking care of a family, doing all the cooking, shopping, and cleaning, and going to college full time.  My husband refused to help, so I threatened to get a snow shovel, put it by the front door and they could shovel their way through to find what they wanted. 

I would stay up studying until three in the morning and be in class at 7:00 AM.  I got my associate degree in eighteen months and then went to work and completed my bachelors degree.  My family slowly learned to take care of their own needs.  I am not talking babies.  I am talking teenagers that learned to iron their own cotton shirts, if that is what they wanted to wear.

If you want to do something badly enough, nobody can stop you.  When I was told I was taking the easy way out, I agreed and said that the hard way was not working for me. 

My husband ended up proud of my degrees, of my career and of my weight loss.  I always gave him lavish praise for helping me (even when he did not deserve it).  When you take care of yourself, you will be a stronger, happier, and healthier person and your relationships will also be stronger and happier.

"When I was told I was taking the easy way out, I agreed and said that the hard way was not working for me."

Love, love, love this statement!  I'm going to save that and pull it out when I need it.  Thank you!!