Best Friend Support. How do I help from hundreds of miles away?

Hello Everyone,

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to help and support my best friend in her journey to weight loss since I've moved a few states away. 

When I lived near by, even when I was 2 hours away and only came to see her on weekends, she and I were doing well with our weight loss. She has been morbidly obese ever since I've known her but during the time that I was near she had lost nearly 40lbs in a year. 

Last year she was let go from her job due to a weight related issue & has not been able to acquire another job since. She lives with her parents whom are older and work multiple jobs through out the week to support the three of them. When her parents are not working they aren't very active and often rely on take out or fast food for their daily meals. She is aware that this is a factor that contributes to her health/weight problems.

Ever since I moved away she has regained the weight(& some) and her health has declined again. I feel like it's because I'm not there to get her out of the house and help/encourage her to do the things she should do to help her become healthy etc...

I talk to her online and over the phone when I get the chance. When we discuss weightloss I feel like she's listening to my advice but doesn't have the motivation to take action without me being there. I don't know if I'm not giving good enough advice or if I'm not presenting it to her in a way that is appealing to her... I know a lot of the decisions are ultimately up to her and I don't want to pressure or nag her into doing things she doesn't want to or is not ready to do.  I know we looked into weight loss surgeries but her insurance wouldn't cover it. I don't think that she is healthy enough to try prescription diet pills as I have. We discussed getting her to go back to Curves weekly but that idea was shot when I moved and couldn't go with her(Also lack of $$). We've discussed Over Eaters Anonymous... I just don't know how else to help given the current cir****tances...

I love this person dearly and unconditionally and I want to be able to have her in my life for many more years to come. My concerns for her are purely out of caring for her and her well being.This is why I'm reaching out, I don't want to lose my best friend and I want to see her succeed in this and be happier with herself.

How about asking her how you can best support her?

It sounds like you're doing all you can do.  We are all responsible for ourselves.  Unless your friend commits herself, she will not lose weight, with our without your support.  She has to make the choice and then she has to take action.  It's like running a marathon - you can cheer and encourage the runners, but you can't run the marathon for them.  Her inability to lose weight should not rest on your shoulders.  You're a good friend - continue to encourage her--but be sure to take care of yourself first!

Thinking back to myself a year ago, I probably wouldn't have been happy if even a very well-intentioned person that I was close to kept talking to me about losing weight. As many of us know from personal experience, losing weight by dieting and exercising just doesn't work over the long term for the vast majority of people. When I realized this and I didn't have another option, I decided that rather than hit my head against the brick wall of losing 40 pounds and regaining 50, I was just going to do what I wanted and love myself the way I was. It took a whole series of things happening for me to reach a point where I wanted to try weight loss again, including me realizing that due to some changed cir****tances, I could get insurance that would cover weight loss surgery. Weight loss is a very personal journey, and I don't think we can provide the motivation for another person to take that journey. They have to be ready and they have to want it.

Having said that, if your friend is interested in weight loss surgery it might be worth looking at her insurance options again. If she lost her job, depending on what state she is in, she might qualify for Medicaid which might cover surgery. 

All the posts so far are great!  I would only add that your friend has suffered a major blow in losing her job and another because it was due to a weight issue.  Having lost my job, that I loved< twice due to the economy, I understand that blow!

She has to come to the point herself, you cannot do it for her.  I don't know how else you could help.  Sorry