Has gastric bypass destroyed your life?

Hi everyone, its been a while, I don't sit in front of the computer much anymore :) Just need to get something off my chest. 4 years ago I had gastric bypass done. I went through all of the stuff everyone warns you about on here, and have now settled into my new life. We all know its a roller coaster, and mine has just gone off the tracks. My wife had weight problems as well and her journey started 2 years after mine, so 2 years into her journey brings us to today. We got together very young and though we were different minded people we somehow clicked well enough to last 16 years, married for 10 and had 2 children together. Our journey's joint challenge was sexually related, and 7 months after her surgery and looking and feeling better than ever about herself led to her wanting to try an open marriage. After agreeing to this, I thought my life just got even better, things keep improving and discussions of the topic brought new enthusiasm and optimism to my marriage, and I owe it ALL to gastric bypass. 2 days later Im doing the dishes and she asks me to move out instead. Blindsided, I regroup my life and move on. In the end we come up with a written agreement ourselves with a mutual friend sign as a witness (I know this is NOT going to stand up in court.) We agree on 50/50 custody with no child support or alimony either way, pay our own way when we have our kids, both of us in better frames of mind due to new mentality led us to civility 80% of the time with an admitted 10% fluctuation either way. As part of life rebuild comes school part time in addition to fulltime work and kids 1 week at a time.Our flexibility working together combined with close proximity to both homes leads us to altering schedule to allow for me to go to school during times I have the kids, who were supposed to be until yesterday when they were to leave my place for school in the morning and return to their mothers afterwards. My kids are with me this week and recently altered schedule meant major scheduling hurdle has been resolved starting tonight. (ITS A LOT I KNOW) But, if youve made it this far and are interested, heres the payoff. Tuesday evening while Im at school I text my kid *****sponds mom is taking us home, i I leave class to try and catch her at my place but they were already gone. As it was late and i felt it best not to start something about something that may or may NOT have happened (kidnapping?) that late and allow the kids a peaceful night in that I did know they were at least at home and not gone disappeared. We work things out via text and continue on our week as if nothing happened, I get them again after school wednesday, with thursdays class being a midweek visit to moms house as per the spirit of honey vs vinegar. lets move on with a smile. thursday afternoon i get a text from kid requesting me to stop in for a hug en route to class. Of course I do as Ive done numerous times before, nothing out of the ordinary. I stop over and she ushers kids out, loads one in car and sends second my way, for nothing more than the most pathetic hug shes ever given with the saddest face without tears that ive ever seen on her, she gets in the car. and mom quickly backs out of the driveway. As this is going on, the next door neighbor, hands me papers and says this is business, nothing personal, (extremely odd behavior in that we are historically very close) and due to positioning, i see her about to be clipped by wifes mirror and pull her out of the way. We then proceed to look at what this is and figure out she served me with papers filing for full custody due to my not meeting parental needs while at school. Everyone around me is shocked and cannot believe it, school is actually writing me a character reference letter in that both episodes impacted class itself in that it was a couple of very intense emotional scenes taken from the script of a very dark movie, not to mention the fact I love my kids more than me, I have their names tattooed on my arms and have saved every piece of artwork theyve ever made me.  I really am one of the good dads, not a piece of **** deadbeat who doesnt want to see their kids, i want them fulltime with me, and thats where we are tonight. So, after this week, if you ask me if I think gastric bypass destroyed my life, i would say it was the catalyst to change something we couldnt change ourselves. Im dealing with all of this with an almost zen like calm thanks to a fantastic network of friends, for the day to day stuff but overall most thanks are due to comedian/podcaster Joe Rogan. His podcast has changed my life. I found it right when I needed to. Its message has guided me through my journey and I have to share it. If youve made it through all of this thanks for reading, feel free to comment and offer advice ( I know I know, get a lawyer :P ) but most of all, please watch this 2 minute video to see why Im not a wreck. IT could change everything for you. You owe it to yourself, I promise watching this video will be worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTuElM6T50w

Bill

I don't see how you can blame weight loss surgery for your problems. I hope you are getting therapy to deal with your issues.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I know when something traumatic happens it's human nature to try to find a root cause or culprit to blame, but I don't see how weight loss surgery is the cause.  Remember that surgery only effects your internal organs.  Your, and your wife's choices and desires are completely up to the both of you and weren't results of a surgery. 

BILL..ok..you posted in a public forum..not in your personal diary..so I'm figuring you are requesting/expecting some sort of responses..

Dude..Can you take a moment and go back and edit your post and chop it up into some paragraphs?  I got thru it, because I felt like you really had something you wanted/needed to say, but others may not be as tenacious/stubborn/etc as me...

It would take more than one hand to count the number of couple I know, IRL, who have divorced, after WLS. It would also take more fingers than I have to count the number of "hook ups". Often times the weight loss brings out the "inner us", allowing what WOULD have happened ANYWAY...if that makes any sense. I call it "7th graders with drivers' licenses"...Post ops start drinking/flirting/dressing hoochie/etc...I've seen a lot over the years...Many times the changes NEEDED to happen. I have seen abusive unions end, when the parties became brave enough to walk away.

Obviously I know nothing about Canadian law, but I'm betting "my RNY made me do it" won't hold up, as a defense. PLEASE get yourself your OWN honest-to-goodness lawyer to protect your rights, as a father. I'm betting that will go further, with a judge, than name tats and a You Tube video--and a whole lot further than finding out you agreed to swing.

Best of luck to you-sincerely

I am sorry for your lousy situation. I think it is due to incompatibility and unhappiness rather than weight loss surgery.

Thanks for plowing through that everyone :P the main point of my post I guess was a vent after my worst week yet. Gastric bypass is not being blamed, but it is the catalyst to the change we both needed. Timeframes of the RNY journey are factors in behaviour in this case. Im coming from a place where im trying to help spread the word about a positive movement in human nature being guided by Joe Rogan that will benefit the world, but if nothing else, someone taking the message from the video and making it work for them after post gastric bypass disillusion would be good enough for me.  Best wishes to everyone on their journey!

Yours isn't the first marriage I've seen not make it after WLS.  Also, introducing an open marriage at roughly the same time introduced a lot of change to your marriage. 

I'm sorry that this is happening, and I hope that you find some good resources to help you and your kids through this difficult time.

I do like Joe Rogan's video.  It's a good message.

I'm sorry for your problems.  But to me this looks like an advertisement for this "Joe Rogan" and whatever he is selling.

It does look like it, but Im not trolling. Im spreading the word.