People are rude

Mary Gee
on 10/29/14 3:08 am, edited 10/30/14 1:45 am - AZ
VSG on 05/14/14

On October 29, 2014 at 9:32 AM Pacific Time, lowbmidoinit wrote:

Amen sister!  And to the milkshake poster below... its called TACT!  There is a way to kindly let someone know they are making a poor decision, without attaching them.  Likewise, we are all here to offer suggestions and advice, not fix others brokenness.  That said, compassion generally goes much further than scolding.  #mytwocents

Am I reading you right?  Are you saying LadyTazz was "scolding"?  Or were you referring to something else?

Example:  Responses to a post like:  I'm 10 days out and I'm afraid I may have damaged myself because I couldn't resist, I had to have something crunchy and I ate a bag of Fritos.

Same Responses:  Don't worry, you'll be okay!  We all make mistakes.  (Unicorns Farts response.)

                           I did that too - I was fine.  (Hand Patting response.)

                           Be careful - you pouch is still new.  (Supportive???)

                           At 10 days out, you should not be eating Fritos.  Your pouch is new and still healing.  It's very important to follow your surgeon's plan.  (Rude????  Or words of wisdom???)

                           You're stupid.  (Rude!)

There are all kinds of people on the internet.  If you don't like someone's responses, block them.  Simple as that.  

       

 HW: 380 SW: 324 GW: 175  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oxford Comma Hag
on 10/29/14 3:52 am

 Spot on, Mary!

I fight badgers with spoons.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255

Suicidepreventionlifeline.org

nikki050
on 10/29/14 4:06 am - Milwaukee, WI

Meh! Thank you all for your stories & opinions on this post! The website is very difficult for me to use on my phone. I have also stated this before on different posts. With that being said, my last words for today before I head out is not everyone is going to agree on any subject. That's what makes it interesting! :)

Sparklekitty, Science-Loving Derby Hag
on 10/29/14 5:51 am
RNY on 08/05/19

You're right, people aren't going to agree on what's rude. So no sense in trying to drag a fellow poster through the mud in public because the two of you don't agree :)

Sparklekitty / Julie / Nerdy Little Secret (#42)
Roller derby - cycling - triathlon
VSG 2013, RNY conversion 2019 due to GERD. Trendweight here!

linison
on 10/29/14 5:21 am
VSG on 10/13/14 with

I am happy to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.  There are lots of great people on these forums, but I have encountered a lot of rude and sarcastic comments on here too.  

 

Can't we all just get along?

ladygodiva1228
on 10/29/14 5:31 am - Putnam, CT
Revision on 02/04/15

Well look who is calling the kettle black. 

My dear you must go back to some of your previous posts over the years and see how you responded to people back then.  Not to much has changed, well you haven't called anyone a **** yet, but I feel if you continue to not get the answers you want you will. 

Did you ever start taking vitamins or are you still doing things your way?

Dr. Sanchez Lapband 9/12/2003
hw305/revision w280/cw197/gw150

Revision from Lap Band to Bypass on 2/4/2015 by Dr. Pohl

    

Poodlemac
on 10/29/14 5:39 am
RNY on 09/26/14

Bingo!

    
Poodlemac
on 10/29/14 5:38 am
RNY on 09/26/14

After reading this entire thread, I'm beginning to think some people (OP) are just here to start smack and be as belligerent as possible in an anonymous setting. Not worth our time!

    
Ladytazz
on 10/29/14 7:26 am

Okay, since I seem to be the subject  of this post I thought I would bring over the original post that pissed the OP off so much.  I have looked it over and tried to see where I was being mean, hurtful or rude and maybe I'm dense but I don't get it.  Was I overly nice?  No, but I was sincerely concerned with the first poster's situation and was hoping that they could benefit from my experiences.

So here is the original post and my added thoughts in blue.  Feel free to point out what I have missed and where I was mean or rude.  And if I came across that way I apologize.  It wasn't my intent.  This is how I have always tried to respond to people who have failed WLS and most of the people who I have directed it towards are appreciative and thank me for giving them things to think about.  And for showing that even if we make mistakes and fail miserably, we can pick ourselves up and use our experiences to our advantage.

The people who don't take it well are usually people who don't want to hear that we have to take responsibility for your choices and our actions.  They want to blame outside forces for the situation they are in.  And they are generally the people who ask for advice and then reject it because it's not what they want to hear.

My original post is in pink and my reflections in blue.  Again, feel free to add your thoughts and show me where I set out to hurt or shame someone.

I don't think you can have a true DS without a sleeve. I had a sleeve previously and was revised to a RNY and there is nothing left of my stomach now other then my little pouch. No more revisions for me.

Not seeing the rude here

What it sounds like they want to do is give you an extended RNY, otherwise known as the worse of both worlds. You get the side effects of a pouch and the upkeep of the DS. Malabsorption is really risky and should not be undergone lightly. Compliance is very important  and not to be mean but it doesn't sound like your track record with compliance is too good. 

I'm seeing a bit of brutal honesty that maybe some people don't want to face when I call the person out on compliance. Maybe I was pointing out the obvious but generally, after two revisions and complete weight gain thensomeone is not being compliant.

I'm not judging. I had a DS and was very non compliant and paid a heavy price. My revision was to reduce my malabsorption and give me a pouch. The only reason I have done as well as I have is because I decided that this time I would actually follow the instructions. I have a tool but it is useless if I don't use it. You have the same tool. Why aren't you using it? I promise you, all the revisions in the world will not help you if you don't address your eating issues.

Maybe the part where I ask why the OP isn't using their tool is rude? I viewed it as a sincere question. If you didn't use your tool the first two times how is number three going to be different. That was basically to get the person to do some self reflection on how they got to this point.

Continuing to overeat on refined carbs is going to have consequences, mainly in the form of gas and loose stools. There is no free lunch. No matter what surgery you have you will have to make lifestyle changes. Have you been able to do that to this point? Why do you think being opened up and sliced and diced once again will be any different than the first two times? What will be different this time?

Again, I am asking a question to bring about self reflection and self honesty. Personally I could give a rat's ass as to the answer, but I think it is important that we are able to be honest with ourselves. Continuing to lie to ourselves isn't doing us any favors and pointing out the self deception isn't meant to hurt, it's meant to show that we aren't falling for your excuses, why are you?

If you keep doing what you've been doing you will keep getting what you've been getting.

Kind of self explanatory. Maybe tough love but something I tell myself often when things don't seem to be going my way. Maybe I should try a different way of doing things if the way I have been doing it hasn't worked out well.

WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010

High Weight  (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.

GeekMonster, Insolent Hag
on 10/29/14 9:31 am - CA
VSG on 12/19/13

I don't see anything rude in your comments.  And I think everyone will vouch for my authority on the subject of rude comments 

"Oderint Dum Metuant"    Discover the joys of the Five Day Meat Test!

Height:  5'-7"  HW: 449  SW: 392  GW: 179  CW: 220

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