Losing Hope

I have been off here for awhile but I need to vent and really need some advice. I was not cleared for surgery because the psychologist said I need to do therapy first. Ok fine I have committed to it and slowly working through issues. But what the heck like how much therapy do I have to go through before they will ok me??? Im like is it going to happen before the insurance year restarts?  A lot of my stress and depression and coping methods is because of my weight. Prebaby when I had the physical motivation to do stuff and go places that was how I released stress. Now I am stuck in this huge uncomfortable body, no matter how hard I try I gain 3 pounds for every 1 I lose. They say my stress is too high so it is making the weight come off slower. My stress is so high because they are preventing me from doing this. I just dont get it like its my body, my problem, and I am paying for it so why cant I have the surgery?! It is so frustrating and tiring. Relationships in my life are starting to suffer. I am all for going through therapy and continuing as I am well aware of new problems that could arise mentally after surgery, so if I make that commitment then why wont they let me do it. I have put so much money into this and now it really feels like a waste. Like someone less fortunate could have used that money instead I paid a few hundred bucks and I am still fat, sad, and in pain all the time. Oh and lets not forget that $40 copay EVERY WEEK for therapy. Happy Freaking birthday to me, I wont even be eating cake. Any advice from the pros or someone in my position please please help!

I can see where that would be frustrating. Have you tried calmy asking them how much longer until you can get approved? Mental health is very important in this process. When you have surgery and are stressed you can not turn to food as easily and many WLS patients turn to other vices. I am guessing this is what they are thinking. What have you been doing to help with the stress? Have they given you any good coping techniques? You can do this I have faith in you if you have come this far.

Find a different therapist to clear you for the procedure.  I had a NUT try to pull some crap with me so I fired them and found one that I like.  I guess you need to ask yourself if you are really ready to have this surgery.  It is a huge commitment. I am 6 months in and it is no cake walk  (lol).   

Hi!

I hear your frustration, but also am wondering how long you have been in therapy since being told you needed to do it for the WLS clearance?

I ask for a number of reasons. First, you say for every pound lose you gain 3

1) Is this because you are still using food to cope with your feelings?

2) During the time you have been in therapy have other coping mechanisms been discussed/tried?

3) Are you seeing a therapist trained in food addiction?

I am pre-op and was told it would be 6 months before I could have the surgery. I had to clear the medical stuff as well as see my NUT once/monthly for 6 months. I am almost 4 months in and I have lost almost 50 pounds. I still have many issues around food and stress is a big one. But I am working thru it one day at a time. for the same reasons you noted I am in pain from carrying the weight & it is very depressing to be this large and all the other problems associated with being morbidly obese.

Therapy takes time & if you have not been doing it for at least 6 months they may be reluctant to give you the thumbs up. so there could be a lot of reasons why you've not received clearance. But like the above poster said: straight out ask them where you stand. You should have done a 'treatment plan' when you started that had certain goals which would have included surgery clearance. Be frank...not intimidated and find out what's up.

But do be aware that unresolved or even unaddressed issues may result in your surgery being unsuccessful so don't rush the therapy (if you feel it is helping!) just to get to the operating table!

Good luck!

My therapist is a bariatric specialist. I also see a nutritional therapist once a week. But since she isnt a bariatric specialist that therapy and all doesnt officially count. Its so much BS. Reduce my stress ha Im stressed trying to pay for all of this. 

What kind of credentials does your therapist have that makes him/her a "bariatric specialist"? There is no widely recognized specialty in "bariatrics". Other than being knowledgable about the physical aspects of the various weight loss surgeries, and knowing some of the somewhat unique aspects of losing a lot of weight very quickly, there really isn't anything a "bariatric" therapist would do that (s)he would not do with clients with weight and other issues that were not looking into (or had) WLS.

Also what in heaven's name is a "Nutritional therapist"?!?!? What degree(s) does that person have? Many "nutritionists" don't have a degree of ANY kind and this title makes it sound like someone is trying to "pad" their credentials.

although I already responded to your post in the otehr forum, with this additional information about them requiring you to see a bariatric therapist, it makes me suspicious that this may be less about your mental health than about them lining their pockets.  Knowing more about the "bariatric" therapists credentials would give me a better basis from which to respond.  It is, unfortunately, not unheard of for surgeon's offices to work with a psychology office and to have a setup where people are paying for services they may not really need (or for longer than they need).  One of the red flags is them telling you which therapist you must see. I would love to know how they respond if, as I suggested in my other response, you ask them what they are looking for in terms of time period or progress.  If this is a scam of sorts, you are likely to get a very vague answer.

Is there another surgeon in your area?  Perhaps it would be worth considering a new surgeon.  I think therapy WOULD be very beneficial for you, but it ****** me off when health professionals try to rip people off.

Lora

My "nutritional therapist" is a nutritionist and that is all she claims to be. I guess I should have been more direct with that, for me though it is a form of therapy. She has not been telling me you need to eat this or you dont need to eat that rather she has helped me to figure out why I am eating more unhealthy then healthy and why I use food to cope. She holds me accountable to goals that we set for each week as far as food or exercise. She has been a great help and an awesome person. Im not sure if it is the combination of therapy and her or just her that has me actually able to breathe this week. My anxiety has dropped greatly and I am not mindlessly eating. So thats what a nutritional therapist is. I guess its just the term I have given her.

Maybe you do need to seek a 2nd opinion, or at least find out where you stand with this therapist. Explain about the insurance & money issues.

Be aware however that if you've used food as a coping mechanism you won't be able to rely on that anymore & you can end up using alcohol or something else to cope. Cross addiction is a real possibility!

Did you tell them your stress is high because they are preventing you from having the surgery? Did they tell you word for word how they came to the conclusion that you weren't ready for surgery mentally. Did you have multiple sessions with them b4 they decided mentally you weren't ready, or was it 1 session with a bunch of questions that made them come to that conclusion?

Is there any kind of arrangement that you can have where you continue therapy but can get approved for surgery? Either way get a 2nd opinion, but continue with the therapy if its helping.

There was 1 session with a bunch of questions then a 160 question true false test to take. Some of the questions I had neither a true nor false response to give so I had to take a guess. There were post surgery things. I cannot tell them True: My pain was unbearable. I dont know I havent had it. She is driving me crazy and Thursday I plan on talking to her some about it.

I haven't been on in a long time, and my surgery was over 10 years ago.  I couldn't get approved for my surgery either, so I feel you pain.  My suggestion would be to expand your efforts to work through your issues beyond your weekly sessions while you continue therapy.  As you identify issues you need to work through in therapy, speed up process on your own by learning about the issues, learning how others have dealt with similar issues.  Try not to focus on when the insurance will finally stamp you "READY" and focus on working through the issues that will make your ready.  Become an A+ student mastering the life skills that you are learning in therapy and both you and your therapist will feel like you are having major breakthroughs every session.

Good Luck.