When to tell and who?

Smile_and_nod
on 12/19/15 11:42 pm
VSG on 01/18/16

Ok so I finally got the approval from my insurance company and a date scheduled (Jan 18th!) for my gastric sleeve. I am just having some second thoughts on if I want to tell people beforehand. I told my best friend and was hoping for a more supportive response other than "since you've lost some weight I figured you would skip the surgery and just keep working at it". I have been doing optifast and she knows how hard i have been working at it.... but, at the same time she still invites my out to eat all the time and i suggest non food activities but she turns them down. I have been morbidly obese since I was 7 (now 31) and have always struggled with it. I talked to my boyfriend as well who feels that it's "too drastic". Prior to the approval and scheduled date they seemed more excited and supportive but now I kinda feel alone. I am still very excited and have come so far on this journey to a healthier me and I have become so much more confident in myself over the past few months as I have pursued this. I feel like I am taking back my life, my body. I just kinda hoped to have a little more supprt. Now, I'm debating if I should even tell my faily. Both my parents and sibling are morbidly obese and have been my whole life and now I am afraid that they might "reject me". 

Just wondering how others decided who to tell and when.

I live in a different state than my family and am thinking maybe I will just surprise them a few months after surgery. 

kathkeb
on 12/20/15 12:22 am

You will likely get lots of opinions here.

 

My philosophy was this, "you can always tell, but you can never 'un-tell'.

my husband was told, of course, and one close friend.

I tried to tell my boss, but the minute he heard that I wanted time off for a medical procedure, he shut me down and told me that he wanted no details ... Not his business and wished me the best.

Afterwards, I told family as I felt comfortable and other friends.

Honestly, for me, my mind was made up, I was paying for surgery, I didn't need anyone's money or support or possible negativity.

Kath

  
Smile_and_nod
on 12/20/15 4:25 am
VSG on 01/18/16

Oh don't get me wrong my mind is made up regardless of how it's being paid for. I've been saving money just in case it was not approved. Every book, article, support group I've gone too has talked about the importance of having a good support system. I guess I thought that part would be easier. 

YesItsReallyMe
on 12/20/15 1:03 am - Guelph, On

Hi There, CONGRATS on getting a date! I am 5 and 1/2 years post-op.  For me, going into it I said, "No one buy hubby and close family members would know EVER!" However, when folks started noticing the weight loss, I found I couldn't lie.  People would ask how I did it, and I tried to say things like, "Changed my diet" "Exercise" (which were true comments) but, I felt I had to tell the whole truth and I would admit to anyone who asked.

At that time, I'd been on the same job for 5 years and people knew me.  When I switched jobs and even countries (I moved from Canada to U.S. then back to Canada) I was meeting all new people and now I tell NO ONE that doesn't need to know (doctors basically).

Hope this helps.

Smile_and_nod
on 12/20/15 8:27 pm
VSG on 01/18/16

Thank you! That actually helps alot! Ironically a few work friends (I never see outside of work or even hang out with) kinda know but, that is because I am a nurse and I work at a surgery center and I needed to do a little nurse to nurse background check on the surgeon in my area (-: Any way.... Im going out of state for surgery. But, the few people at work that I have talked to about the possibility of me having surgery seemed very support. I guess I was just hoping to find a safe place to discuss with people close to me. Maybe over time they will adapt. For now I have you all on here! Thanks again for your reply! 

peachpie
on 12/20/15 3:14 am - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

At one point I was upset with my husband for telling his parents, I figured it was my choice to tell who I wanted if I wanted. He raised a good point, he said what if I would have died as a result of surgery; I would have left him in an awkward position to explain things. He was right, and it would not have been fair to leave that on his shoulders.

 I told immediate family, parents and siblings just before my surgery date. Only two sisters knew earlier, I knew they'd be supportive. (One had WLS)

I told no one at work. Only three non-family people know about the surgery, but again told them either right before or after surgery.

Not many that go through this understand why we'd jump through all the hoops.. So they don't share in the excitement when you've satisfied another one that gets you a step closer to surgery. And if they've never been obese, they definitely don't get the NSVs you experience with weight loss.

 

 

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

Smile_and_nod
on 12/20/15 4:31 am
VSG on 01/18/16

Thanks for your response! I think I might wait till the day or two before to tell my family. Not that anything would happen but you never know. I told my boyfriend because we have been together for several years and felt he should know. Plus I need someone to pick me up! I kinda get the feeling he is more afraid of me changing than anything else. 

Doingrightin2015
on 12/20/15 4:55 am
RNY on 03/10/15

I told some! Some I still have not told. Some have been told by some of my family and some probably by my friends. I now at 9 months out don't really care if people know or not. It is my body and my life. I did this for me and nobody but me!!! You will get some that support it, some that think you can do it without surgery...because most of us have! It just don't stay off.Others that are just concerned and worry about you!!! They need to be concerned and worry about what will happen if you don't get the weight off and keep it off!!

You got lots of support here don't forget!

Doingitright2015

HW in life 282 HW265 at start SW 244 CW170

 

 

 

 

 

 

Smile_and_nod
on 12/20/15 8:31 pm
VSG on 01/18/16

Thanks for the encouragement! I guess I don't really care who all knows but, maybe I was expecting that the people close to me would have been more understanding. Then again maybe they just need time adjust or didn't think I would actually go through with it. 

Sharon SW-267
GW-165 CW-167 S.

on 12/20/15 5:51 am - PA
RNY on 12/22/14

Telling people does not seem to be working for you.   Try something else.  I did not tell many people, because I was such a diet failure that I was not confident that I would lose weight after it, so why bother broadcasting it.

PS - Only 3-5% of obese people who lose weight keep it off. (I saw my first bariatric doctor at age 6, but I did not get surgery until 57 - what a waste.)  At 31, you are old enough to be honest with yourself as to if you are one of those lucky 3-5% people.  This is the dirty little, well documented, medical secret.   If, based on your past dieting progress you know that you are NOT one of these lucky few people, your options are limited - have surgery or cycle between dieting and regaining every few years for the rest of your life and keep hoping that a drug therapy for obesity is developed.  You get to chose and you get to have the benefits and the responsibility to stay healthy and fit.  This does not mean that weight loss surgery will give you a life of eating whatever you want, it just makes it somewhat easier to stay on a low calorie diet for life.  The effort will continue after you get the weight off, and most WLSers put in effort long term to keep it off.  

PPS - You are making a decision that will last the rest of your life.  I hate to say it but your boyfriend and best friend may or may not be in your life that long.   They have not done the research about weight loss surgery to give you proper guidance and support, so do not give their opinions more credence than they deserve.   Your friend may have no interest in seeing you improve your health -- it seems like she is happy having a fat friend to go out with and is not so concerned in what you want for your life.  That does not mean she is a bad person, just not able to support you at this time.    

 

 

 

 

Sharon

Most Active
×