Out of "sorts" with spouse post surgery

Hello all! Glad to see so many topics. I am in the program to get the sleeve surgery. My husband is one year out from a gastric bypass. My question would be for the spouses out there who have not had the surgery, but are supporting spouses who have had the surgery. Are you, or have you dealt with any feelings of jealousy or insecurity due to your spouse's weight loss? My husband and I are high school sweethearts who have been together 34 years. He was always heavy his whole life, but had the gastric bypass due to health issues. I have been back and forth from thin to heavy. Since he has lost all this weight, I am proud of him, but he talks incessantly about how small his clothes are, and he can be a bit "judgy" about people who are heavy.( I call him out on that....) I know he is excited to be able to wear nice, fashionable clothes, but he makes me feel insecure when he talks about his weight loss. Any thoughts?

It's common for people who have lost a lot of weight (through WLS or any other means) to be a bit "obsessed" about it. I have to bit my tongue to keep myself from talking about it all the time. And I'm sure sometimes I do bore my friends talking about it. I dare say you'll go through the same thing when you have your surgery.

I'm not in a relationship, but I can certainly understand your feeling a bit jealous and insecure. His self-confidence is growing, and any big change like that upsets the balance in the relationship.

Thank you for your response. I hope I did not give the wrong impression. I am so very proud of my husband, but I think now more than ever I am so self conscious. It was fine when I was thinner and he was heavy. He did not have to worry about me staying. I as a woman have become a worry part, especially now that he is the thin one. My husband and I work for the same company in different depths. I have random women telling me how handsome my husband is...single women. He definitely likes the attention. Maybe I will feel more at ease once I become thin. I have never had any reason to distrust my husband. I know this is my struggle, and I have to work through it.

Oh, we can be very obsessive and you will realize this too after you have your sleeve. I'm 14 years out now, and it's not longer a big deal, but for the first few years, everybody and their cousin knew how much weight I'd lost and what my current dress size was. It's really hard to contain the excitement of what you thought you'd never see for yourself.

Thank you for the kind ear. It is something I must work through. My time will come for sure!

I was just thinking about why we can be such a bore talking about weight loss and diets after surgery. People are generally a bit obsessed after any accomplishment, but it usually dies down. For example, when I finished my PhD I was probably annoying for a week or two, but then it was safe to approach me without fear of hearing a blow-by-blow description of my viva (PhD defense). *

I think the difference with WLS is that it's an ongoing process. To be successful, you have to think about your eating habits every day. Even after you've reached your goal, you're not finished. So if there's something that's always on your mind, it's difficult not to talk about it. A lot.

Shannon, you are definitely justified in getting annoyed with the constant chatter about WLS. And good for you calling your husband out when he gets judgemental about people who are heavy!

* By the way, did I mention that I completed my PhD in 2017? Uh, maybe I am still a bore about it.

I think that is AWESOME you have your PhD! Go you!

Congratulations! In which subject did you receive your PhD?

Artificial Intelligence. I developed an artificial life species (little computer programs) with artificial intelligence that live in data, and survive by identifying patterns in the data.

Wow that's amazing and very impressive!!!