negative comments

on 12/10/19 12:18 pm

maybe i just need some support, i don't know. i am 15 months RNY, having lost 161 lbs and doing super but for some reason whenever people ask me how i lost the wt and i tell them i get tons of negative comments and most of all horror stories, like i knew someone who had the surgery and this or that happened. i guess what i am saying is that i have had multiple surgeries in the past gallbladder, hip replacement, surgery for tongue cancer, hysterectomy etc and i never got those negative comments that i am getting for the RNY and i don't know why either. has this happened to anyone else? i am to the point that i want to just shut myself off from the world! some of the comments are so stupid its pathetic! thanks everyone!

Sparklekitty, Science-Loving Derby Hag
on 12/10/19 12:46 pm
RNY on 08/05/19

You are under zero obligation to tell people your medical history. It's ok to say "I worked with my doctor on getting healthier" (or even less than that) and tell people to mind their own business.

Sparklekitty / Julie / Nerdy Little Secret (#42)
Roller derby - cycling - triathlon
VSG 2013, RNY conversion 2019 due to GERD. Trendweight here!

Janet P.
on 12/10/19 12:53 pm

I think it's probably happened to all of us at some point.

For whatever reason, some people see WLS in a negative light but, that's their problem not yours.

If someone provides negative feedback, simply smile and say something benign back to them like "Oh that's awful. Glad mine was successful."

You've done fabulous - congrats on your weight loss!

Janet in Leesburg
DS 2/25/03
Hazem Elariny

(deactivated member)
on 12/10/19 6:36 pm

I still haven't told my wife, and I had surgery 5 years ago. The only people that understand what you're going thru are other people that have had the surgery. No doctor, Nutrionist, family member or friend will ever know because only you have lived thru it.

If you want to talk to people, find a local WLS support group and join. Others can listen, some will sympathize but only experience can relate.

White Dove
on 12/10/19 8:29 pm

Were you married to this wife when you had surgery?

I cannot imagine hiding that from your spouse. I have restrictions on what I can eat and have to watch for dumping. I would not know how to hide that from a spouse.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

(deactivated member)
on 12/11/19 8:42 pm

Yes, been married for 33 years. I love my wife but she is very overweight and leads an unhealthy lifestyle. Nevertheless, she fully believes wls is only for 600lbs+. I can't (or won't) explain to people that don't want to understand and are not willing to learn, so I don't. To this day, I have never mentioned wls to anyone other than health care providers, and even then only to those providers that absolutely need to know.

It's my decision and I live with the consequences every day, which I'm more than happy with.

White Dove
on 12/11/19 10:22 pm

I understand what you are saying and respect your decision to keep your surgery private. Only a small handful of people who would benefit from the surgery actually get it. I am glad you made the decision to live a healthier life.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

Willie H.
on 12/12/19 6:51 am
VSG on 08/26/14

I myself had the surgery on a Thursday, took off Friday and worked that Saturday. My wife, who actually drove me home was not aware I had "surgery" until about a few weeks later-at the time she just thought it was some type of a minor procedure as it was with my cataracts. You would of thought she would be aware of how I was eating or drinking very little, and also losing weight-I never hid it from her. Being from Africa she just isn't always aware of the little nuances I go through health wise, and being athletic and grossly overweight, I was always hurt. Also, to her "surgery" is big, like when my hip was replaced or my knees. She only realized it when my friends started commenting on it and asking me about it?

My workmates did not know until months later, seeing me everyday they could not really discern weight loss until others came in and remarked on it! I didn't shout it out but also did not mind if someone inquired-it was my choice and something i felt I had to do. What I was doing previously obviously did not work, so that shows "insanity!" (doing same thing expecting different results!) What was odd I thought, is that healthy, well-conditioned people encouraged my choice, cheered me on-was really happy for me. Yet, the overweight, out of shape ones like me were negative, and the ones whom said it was just an easy way out, dangerous, unneeded? As if being 180 lbs overweight was not? I'm so happy with the choice I've made and although it is still a struggle, at least now I have a fighting chance and the tools needed!

  Vertical Gastric Sleeve-(8/26/14)HW 347lbs SW-328lbs CW-247 lbs  GW-212lbs Randolph,                                                                                       "LOVE" is knowing someone has the power to hurt you, yet TRUST that they won't"  "Sing like no one's listening and dance like no one's watching!!"






(deactivated member)
on 12/14/19 1:10 am

It's funny you mention it, but I also find the most negative people on wls seem to be the ones could benefit from it while currently leading very unhealthy lifestyles (and often they're family members).

Regarding my wife, she would have tried to be understanding at first but she would have reminded me daily when we eat that she is heavy because she's being "honest" but I'm living a "lie" or cheating because I had wls. Eventually I would have had to leave her when the daily grinding became too much - hence I've kept it to myself and always will.

on 12/14/19 1:16 pm

There's is only 1 person in my life that knows I had WLS - a female friend of mine that is completely non-judgmental of me or any of the health issues I've experienced and required treatment for. I don't feel bad or that I'm lying to anyone. It really is no one else's business but my own. Only my healthcare providers need to know my medical history, imo.