OK...I'm a fat bigot !

on 3/3/20 12:31 pm

After losing 271 pounds (new weight as of this morning!), I find that I cannot find obese men attractive. I get along with obese women fine, as I was one of them ten years ago.

I don't just outright ignore obese men, I'm friendly, and I will talk to them as friends, but I cannot see myself in a relationship other than friendship with them.

I feel like I need to have a man in my life who is conscious of his health, likes to exercise and takes good nutrition seriously.

I look at my weight loss as a change in lifestyle and one that I find exciting and very interesting, in terms of the science of it all.

I want to think that it's the same as "different strokes for different folks", but part of me says I'm avoiding obese men in particular because of something deeper.

Your thoughts please...good bad or otherwise. This has really been bugging me!

HW 405/SW 397/CW 138/GW 160  Do the research!  Check the stats!
The DS is *THE* solution to Severe Morbid Obesity!


The Salty Hag
on 3/3/20 2:07 pm
RNY on 05/20/13

We all have our preferences. Your preference doesn't make you a fat bigot. I may have missed this, but were you attracted to obese men before? Did you date them prior to your surgery? Even if you did and now don't find them attractive-it still doesn't make you a fat bigot. The heart wants what the heart wants.

I was only attracted to one or two chubbyish men when I was single. For the most part, even as a woman well into the SMO category, I was only attracted to tall, athletic dudes. I married one. :) He was 190...I was 290...lol. ( and he's a foot taller than me. We seriously looked like Jack Spratt and his wife. )

Bottom line: you're allowed to be attracted to non-obese men. It's completely okay to not be attracted to them no matter the reason why. If you're worried about the why and feel you need to know if there is a deeper reason, I'd suggest maybe talking to a therapist about it, but please, please don't feel bad for your preferences. You don't have to date anyone you don't want to date. You deserve to date someone to whom you're attracted and someone whose health goals match your own.

I woke up in between a memory and a dream...

Tom Petty

on 3/5/20 6:05 pm, edited 3/5/20 10:06 am

Truth is, I've NEVER been attracted to overweight or obese men (degrees of separation here), even when I was, and that was from my teens on. I never really lacked for male attention, either, so maybe that's why. I could be selective.

Being in my sixties now, there is a definite lack of attractive (to me), available men. Less selection.

I think there is a deeper reason, and I am looking into therapy to find out why.

Meantime, there's one who is attracted to me that I can't seem to get rid of. I want to scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!" He is absolutely repulsive. Very obese. But, he is kind and considerate and has helped me out from time to time with car repairs. However, he dresses sloppily most of the time, is usually unshaven, and comes from a totally different background. Not sure how I can attract these kinds of men and not the kind that I want.

HW 405/SW 397/CW 138/GW 160  Do the research!  Check the stats!
The DS is *THE* solution to Severe Morbid Obesity!


T Hagalicious Rebel

on 3/4/20 4:49 am - Brooklyn
VSG on 04/25/14 with

We're you attracted to obese men in the past? Or was it that you figured that's all you could get & now that you lost weight you figured to expand your options? Either way I'd be cognizant of the possibility that the obese man that you're not attracted to might be on the same heath conscious, weight loss journey that you're on. You wouldn't know it by just looking at them.

No one surgery is better than the other, what works for one may not work for another. T-Rebel


on 3/4/20 6:07 am
RNY on 06/03/15

I was never attracted to really obese men, even when I weighed over 300 lbs - which is probably why I got married so late! Someone 50 lbs overweight, fine, but super obese, no. Plus I would think it would be even harder now since you've lost a crap ton of weight and have made exercise and good nutrition a priority. I would want a partner who would have similar priorities. It's hard enough to maintain good health without having someone around who has horrendous eating habits.

I don't feel you're being a bigot. Not hiring someone due to that, yes. But as a romantic partner, no. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not attracted to.

on 3/4/20 10:28 am

Preferences change as we grow. You can be attracted to so many different things, attributes, looks, personalities, race, religion. It does not make you a fat bigot in the least. You are entitled to your Happiness and you have set those standards for wanting to be happy with someone who is (for the most part) happy with themselves and has (potentially) the same goals as you do. Now, your goals are health and wellness and we tend to gravitate to those who would walk the same path as we are so we can stay on track.