do people treat you differently after weight loss surgery

on 4/25/20 10:23 pm

do people treat you differently after weight loss surgery

White Dove
on 4/26/20 6:26 am, edited 4/25/20 11:26 pm

You may have heard of the term white privilege. A young white man can wear a baseball hat and baggy pants and no one will think he is a criminal.

After you lose the weight, you get thin privilege. You can order a giant hot fudge sundae and nobody will judge you.

Strangers are friendlier to you. Nobody stares at you in public. Nobody watches what you are eating or doing. Clerks rush to help you at stores. Women smile at you, men hold doors for you.

It is easier to get jobs, it is easier to get dates, it is easier to go out and do things. Your energy goes up and you rarely get tired. People think you are smarter, better looking, more desirable, and a nicer person than when you are overweight.

It is not fair, but that is how it works.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

on 4/26/20 7:48 am
RNY on 06/03/15

White Dove is absolutely right. I remember feeling really afraid and guilty eating something like ice cream or pizza in public because I knew people would notice and would judge me for it. That fear still crosses my mind sometimes when I eat something "bad" - or if I have some "bad" food item in my cart at the grocery store - but then I remember no one cares or judges me anymore because I'm normal weight.

on 5/22/20 8:38 am

Sad, but true. It seems to me that White Dove's report is mainly about strangers.

The other side(s) of the coin are the people you already know, whether close or casual acquaintances.

-- Close people break down into two categories:

(a) Those who wish you success and are happy as you achieve it and supportive when things aren't going so well;

(b) Those who will be clumsy, say stupid things, monitor and comment on every morsel they see you put in your mouth at meals, et al. Some in the (b) category will reveal envious or jealous natures if they see you eat extras or high-calorie food. They won't say it openly, but they'll say things like, "Are you supposed to eat that?" and secretly hope that you will stop losing or, worse, gain. A few in this group truly are not your friends.

-- Casual acquaintances include the cashier at the store, the person down the street with whom you exchange "Hellos," but not conversation. You know. They'll be awkward, not knowing if they should say something the first time they notice your weight loss. Be relaxed with them as long as they don't get weird or negative (anyone who gets negative, that is, whetherclose, casual or stranger). Example, "I don't understand why people can't do it on their own." Answer: It's the choice I made and I'm glad I did." Walk away.

What matters more than anything is how you treat yourself.

[Had I more time, this message would have been shorter.]

on 4/26/20 2:34 pm

Perfect summary White Dove. All the looks of disdain are now looks with friendly smiles. You may get a few people who knew you when say - should you be eating that ice cream sundae? So while fewer strangers watch you, I do find a few of my family and friends remain overly critical, even when you are eating on plan and holding your weight at goal for an extended period.

HW 510 / SW 424/ GW 175 (stretch goal to get 10 under) / CW 160 (I'm near the charts ideal weight - wonder if I can stay here)

RNY November 2016

PS: L/R arm skin removal; belt panniculectomy - April, 2019

on 4/27/20 3:37 pm

Yes, WhiteDove is on point! every.single.word!!!

I have lost friends over it because I was now "thinner" and getting more attention... I was no longer the funny fat friend... I guess I can count their loss as part of mine? lol

I don't need judgy people in my life as I am better off without! I choose who gets to stay in my circle.

on 5/7/20 5:37 am

I understand how you feel my family sometimes Laughs at me because of my weight.

Janet P.
on 4/28/20 4:02 am

Yes and no. I'm a "normal" size now but I did experience some "fat discrimination" before my DS. I don't concern myself with how people treat me because I can't control other people. I just know how I treat people, which is always the same no matter what size they are. Honestly I think being older helped with my mindset - and so did my therapist!!

When I was in the losing stage I did lose a couple of friends who, like others have said, just couldn't handle that I was becoming thinner than they were. All that changes over the years when they realized I was still the same person I was before losing 175 pounds - just thinner.

I will say what's also important is how you treat yourself and how you see yourself. I kept expecting my life to suddenly become exciting and busy and full. Never happened because I, as a person, did not change. I became healthier and thinner and (according to some of my close friends) happier, but who wouldn't when you're not dragging around an extra person :)

Janet in Leesburg
DS 2/25/03
Hazem Elariny

on 5/3/20 5:27 am - TN
VSG on 09/28/15

In a word, yes. It's sad to think about really but before losing the weight I was a 376 pound invisible woman. No one really wanted to make eye contact, people didn't want to take me seriously in professional work situations etc. Since losing the weight people hold doors open for me and look me in the eye, they say hello in passing and they tend to listen a lot more in work situations.

Had VSG on 9/28/15

Lost 161 lbs since surgery, LOST 221 lbs overall so far!!

(deactivated member)
on 5/4/20 6:11 pm

The fact you're asking tells me you feel people are treating you poorly now. If so, you should get anyway if you know them personally. Many of the responses here seem to reflect a combination of insecurities of the women posting them, and some truth. I lost a ton of weight to the point of being uber thin, and the bias against extremely thin felt much worse to me than any fat bias pre wls. Ultimately it's important you have the confidence not to worry so much about what others think, and try to be confident in yourself. Everything else will fall into place from there.

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