just wanting to cry

on 8/2/20 12:33 pm

i have not posted for awhile but i just feel like crying (sorry) i had RNY september 13, 2018 & went from 402 lbs to 163 lbs & have kept the wt off w/no problems but the issue is with my ex-husband. i know people have relationship problems after wt loss surgery. he is 300 lbs, a smoker, diabetes out of control which is his problem & the only reason i talk to him is that he helps me with money but the more wt i have lots the more negative his comments have become, like "i wish you would have stayed fat", "you dress like a hoe", you are ugly, no man would want you, why do you want plastic surgery? no man would even want to touch you let alone have sex w/you (he hasn't seen me with no clothes on in 20 yrs) i live in a small town and feel alone but the past 6 weeks i have found a female therapist in a large city and by accident i found out her specialty is wt loss clients & eating disorders. right now we are doing zoom but i have transportation and can see her twice a month and do zoom twice a month. i mean should i tell my PCP as we both go to the same doctor? i mean i want to cry-he is so very cruel. has any of the females or males out there experienced what i have gone through? just wondering? thanks for all of your support

Citizen Kim
on 8/2/20 2:09 pm - Castle Rock, CO

You said he is your ex-husband? Why does what he says have any value in your life? He's your ex for a reason so **** him!

You can tell your PCP anything and everything - his professional relationship with you is completely separate to the ones he has with anyone else, including your ex.

I think therapy will be good for you and highly encourage you in your pursuit of good mental health.

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

on 8/3/20 5:29 am - Dalton, GA

That sounds like projection to me. His life is out of whack and yours is not, so he's feeling sorry for himself. I understand needing money, but toxic people are not worth the effort.

on 8/3/20 6:13 am
VSG on 06/11/18

I'm so glad you found a therapist who understands weight loss issues. It's a shame that you are financially dependent on someone who treats you so badly. I don't have any suggestions for you, but I just wanted to say that you don't deserve this. I think the therapy will help you get out of this situation.

on 8/3/20 11:02 am

I agree with the above posters. Do you have children with your ex-husband? if not, other than for monetary reasons, what is keeping you from completely cutting him off and out of your life.

Janet P.
on 8/6/20 6:11 am

It's great that you found a therapist - that's critical. I don't know anything about your relationship with your ex but PLEASE stop listening to him. I understand you need his financial support, but that's where it ends. It's not a trade-off - money for his jealousy - because that's what it is.

Let him spew his ugliness. Just know you are in control of your future and he is not. Nothing he says matters.

As someone else said, what you say to your PCP should never be shared with anyone. If he does, he should lose his license.

Janet in Leesburg
DS 2/25/03
Hazem Elariny

on 8/10/20 10:13 am

If you do not have children with your ex, I would cut off ties in a heartbeat. Life is too short to have to endure abuse like that and no money is worth it.

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