looking into surgery but family is against it

Siacor102
on 9/10/20 9:37 am

I have been looking into surgery for some time and have started the process but I am getting a lot of negative comments and no support from my family. I am over 300 lbs and I have tried so many things to lose weight. My most successful attempt was with phentermines several years ago. My husband is totally against me having surgery as he said it would be a waste of money because I will gain it all back within a year. My twin sister is telling me that I just need to work harder and eat less and I will lose weight. I have put the effort into losing weight in the past but it was unsustainable. I know surgery is not a magic pill and I will have to work continuously but I am really frustrated with the lack of support as well as worried that my family may try to sabotage things if I have surgery. Has anyone else had this same situation? What did you do? I am really ready to walk away from them and do this on my own but I know that is not realistic either. I AM LOST! I need support from someone so I am hoping I can find it here?

SuMari
on 9/10/20 10:29 am

I have had a lot of nay-sayers along the process but I have firmly decided that MY life is my own and no one can tell me what and how to live it. I know I have tried 50 million different diets, joined countless gyms but realized that even if I have surgery, I will still need to change EVERYTHING. I have gone through 6 months of supervised weight loss classes, gone to meet with a nutritionist to learn about living the post bariatric lifestyle and have met with a therapist to help me with my food issues. If you go through a similar process, how can they still tell you no, you are doing the wrong thing? I found that I have an addiction to food and KNOW I need surgical intervention. I want to be there for my children and for my (future) grandchildren and for ME! So what is the difference between taking a pill and undergoing surgery? chances are, you will no longer have to take any pills for comorbidities (high blood pressure, cholesterol etc). I have learned so much throughout this process and I am more passionate than ever to move forward!

May I suggest sitting down with your husband and let him know that you would love if he was supportive of your decision to get healthy. Do your research and prove everyone wrong! You've got this! Best of luck!

White Dove
on 9/10/20 11:54 am

About 40% of people in the United States are obese. It is so common that it seems normal. I grew up in the 1950's and when I was growing up, about 10% of people were obese.

About 95% of people who lose weight with only diet and exercise have gained it all back within five years.

People who have weight loss surgery generally lose about 100 pounds over the course of about 18 months. They usually regain 20 pounds by the end of the third year after surgery. If they work hard at diet and exercise, they can avoid the bounceback regain period. If they go back to eating like they did before surgery, they will continue to regain weight.

At five years out from surgery, about half of patients have regained 50 pounds. Some regain zero, some regain 100, and some regain more. Surgery is not a magic bullet. To be successful for a lifetime requires a lifetime of proper food and exercise.

Most surgeons and insurance companies require you to follow a diet and exercise program and to reduce your body weight by 10% before having surgery. If you have surgery, it will probably require close to a year before you finish the surgeon's and insurance requirements.

After surgery, I had no appetite, could only eat a few bites at a time, and was highly motivated. That was in 2007. Now I could eat as much as before surgery. I know that I cannot allow myself to do that.

I did not care whether any of my family or friends supported my decision or not. I got my support from my surgeon, his team, and his support group. I had to buy the food, measure the portions, drink the water, take the vitamins, do the exercise, and follow up with the doctors. Nobody did that for me. It is my body and my choice. I have no regrets.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

hollykim
on 9/10/20 1:22 pm - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15 with
On September 10, 2020 at 4:37 PM Pacific Time, Siacor102 wrote:

I have been looking into surgery for some time and have started the process but I am getting a lot of negative comments and no support from my family. I am over 300 lbs and I have tried so many things to lose weight. My most successful attempt was with phentermines several years ago. My husband is totally against me having surgery as he said it would be a waste of money because I will gain it all back within a year. My twin sister is telling me that I just need to work harder and eat less and I will lose weight. I have put the effort into losing weight in the past but it was unsustainable. I know surgery is not a magic pill and I will have to work continuously but I am really frustrated with the lack of support as well as worried that my family may try to sabotage things if I have surgery. Has anyone else had this same situation? What did you do? I am really ready to walk away from them and do this on my own but I know that is not realistic either. I AM LOST! I need support from someone so I am hoping I can find it here?

actually it is realistic that you might have to do this alone. If you want to regain your health and increase you life , it is something you have to decide to do, for yourself, and totally disregard what others are saying.

my best advice? Prove them all wrong by doing everything you can to be successful and take back control of your life.

 


          

 

Want2beMe
on 9/10/20 4:06 pm
VSG on 08/17/20

You have my support, do what you believe is right for you. My family wasn't supportive at first but when they saw my commitment they started treating me with respect. Now their as eager as I am to see results. Its not a good feeling to go at it alone so maybe after your first or second consultation you will be able to describe more to your family about the process.

Sheila_H
on 9/10/20 4:49 pm - Central Coast, CA
RNY on 06/26/17

I echo what whitedove said about all the numbers and statistics.
One thing that my surgeon told us at our mandatory seminar that stayed with me: up to 50 lbs you can lose with diet and exercise. Beyond 50 lbs it's no longer a question of willpower or diet/exercise. You need help and WLS is that help.
My husband was against me having surgery, not bcz he thought I would gain it all back but because he was worried about surgery complications. He looked at it as an elective surgery and why go under the knife when you can diet and exercise? I presented my decision to him as a fait accompli, in other words not looking for his input but hoping for his moral support.
Even with his support it's all up to me. I'm the one who decides what goes into my mouth, how much I work out and how disciplined I am. After 3 years there are days that I slip and behave like a "normie" but the day after I dust myself back up and go back to being an ex fat girl that needs to be on a diet for the rest of her life. Because even with surgery we have to be on our guard for the rest of our lives if we don't wanna go back to the way we were.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

SW:261 6/26/17 GW:150 10/6/18

CW:143.6

Siacor102
on 9/11/20 6:51 am

Thank you everyone for your input. I do agree this might be something that I will have to do on my own but I am worried about the sabotage that could come from family members. I am already being taunted about what I will never be able to eat again. I know that there will be somethings I need to avoid until I reach my goal but I also know that I can fall right back into old habits and I want to be sure that I can handle the stress factors (family specifically).

My husband told me last night that if I have the surgery he will not support me in any way and he will be sure that I am forced to only eat 4 oz at every meal - nothing more. This is showing me that he is not the man I thought he was and I am unsure if this is fear of losing me after I lose weight or just a typical asshole. He normally isn't like this so I am trying to be more rational than he is. This is all so overwhelming. Again thank you all for your input I should have a surgery date by end of the month hopefully.

Ninabeena
on 9/11/20 9:11 am
RNY on 11/27/19

When I first started the process, my husband, my son, and my mom were all against it because they were afraid of the surgery and complications. As I got closer to having it done I simply stated to them that I am an adult, this is my body and I have to live in it for the rest of my life and that I am not happy living this way any longer. I told them I did not need their approval but I needed their support and that is what I have.

I realized that I had to do this for me and in the end I had to make the right decision for myself. I am sad that people have already started with the negative comments and that you don't have the support that you need. That being said, you are the one in control of your life and what goes in your body. This is definitely not the easy way out and there will be many bumps along the way. All of us here will definitely support you and we understand what you are going through. Keep posting here to get the support that you need. I wish you the best of luck as you go through this and become the person that you need to be for your health and happiness.

Dee_Caprini
on 9/11/20 10:34 am

I agree with the others who have commented. Do this for you. If the others come around, awesome, but you may have to start out this process with everyone expecting you to fail. We will absolutely encourage you and support as best we can and there will be situations where no one in your immediate circle will understand what you are going through so you will have to tun to some "friendly strangers" =)

This process is not easy, but it's totally worth it!

Jmm4321
on 9/11/20 11:08 am

You're alone in making the decision and living with the consequences, so only you can decide. Your surgeon needs to be outstanding the day of surgery, but otherwise you'll barely ever see him. Most of your friends and family will get fat and out of shape if they're not already. The odds are stacked heavily against all of us being fit and thin.

Only question is what you want for yourself in your life. WLS is an excellent option and definitely works if you do your part.

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