How much to share about wife's surgery last Feb?

MadsHunt
on 9/14/20 8:45 am

Hello,

I'm trying to be the best support to my wife, but I don't think she's told many people about her surgery that was last February. Is it helpful for me to share this information, or should I keep it to myself? People are starting to ask me and it's awkward.

MadsHunter

Tidgel
on 9/14/20 8:52 am
RNY on 04/15/19

Keep it to yourself. It is not any one else's business but hers! If she chooses to share with others then that is her choice.

catwoman7
on 9/14/20 9:52 am
RNY on 06/03/15

I agree. My brother blabbed to a bunch of others (although fortunately, he lives in NC and I live in WI - but whenever I visited him in NC, of course all his friends knew and asked me about it. I was really ticked off!). I also have a neighbor, who also happens to be a friend, blab it to some other people we both knew, and I was absolutely livid. It wasn't her story to share (nor my brother's), so I did NOT appreciate it. I was very selective about whom I told. To most people, I gave them the "low carbing and exercise" schtick.

MadsHunt
on 9/14/20 2:58 pm

catwoman7, I'm definitely not a blabber, but I've seen so much good advice on here from people like you who with real experiences, I had to ask. Any suggestions as to what I say when people get me alone and ask? So far I have avoided answering, skirted around it, but should I ask her what she wants me to say? I don't want to be the bumbling guy here...

MadsHunter

catwoman7
on 9/14/20 3:34 pm
RNY on 06/03/15

my guess is they're asking you because they're afraid she might be sick. Some people are hesitant to say something to someone who's lost a significant amount of weight in case it's due to cancer or something. I'd just tell them she's fine - she decided to do something about her weight, so she's been working with a dietitian and exercising like a fiend. Which is probably true! (you're just conveniently omitting the part about the surgery...)

catwoman7
on 9/14/20 3:36 pm
RNY on 06/03/15

P.S. I just wanted to add that I don't think there's anything wrong - at all - with people telling others about their own surgery. But I would not do that without the patient's permission. Just reassuring them that she's fine and that she's decided to take the bull by the horns is probably enough to satisfy most people.

MadsHunt
on 9/16/20 7:00 am

catwoman7, thanks for this suggestion. With the friends that have asked, that will likely work and they won't dig any deeper. I do think they are asking out of concern and most are not prying people, so I'll give it a try!

MadsHunter

Melody P.
on 9/14/20 12:06 pm - TX

So much this. It is her business and personal information.

for me I'm an open book but it is my choice and no one else's...everyone's journey is different. If she wants these people to know she should be the one to tell them.

39 F and 6 foot 1 inches

VSG - 3-14-18 - - - Revision to RNY - 5-29-19

I can?t control everything but I can control what I put in my body.

MadsHunt
on 9/14/20 3:00 pm

Thanks, Melody P. She's really showing a significant amount of weight loss so it's coming up more often, so it looks like I may have to ask her about it so I don't step in something and get myself in the doghouse and hurt her feelings at the same time, right?

MadsHunter

MadsHunt
on 9/14/20 2:54 pm

Tidgel, thank you. I have not shared anything at all, I just wondered if it would help or hurt, sure not wanting to upset her progress.

MadsHunter

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