Counseling...better from someone you personally know, or a stranger?

MadsHunt
on 10/22/20 10:16 am

Hi again,

I'm completely supportive of my dear wife in her having had surgery in February. I posted about some mood swings she's had which seemed like they might be a phase, but they have intensified so I think we should seek help to preserve what is a great partnership.

My question: is it better to go to someone we know from church who is a marriage counselor or seek someone through the bariatric surgeon's office?

Thanks for any advice!

MadsHunter

Tekish
on 10/22/20 10:29 am
On October 22, 2020 at 5:16 PM Pacific Time, MadsHunt wrote:

Hi again,

I'm completely supportive of my dear wife in her having had surgery in February. I posted about some mood swings she's had which seemed like they might be a phase, but they have intensified so I think we should seek help to preserve what is a great partnership.

My question: is it better to go to someone we know from church who is a marriage counselor or seek someone through the bariatric surgeon's office?

Thanks for any advice!

If I went to church I would not want such private information floating around a church file. While I'm sure the church folk will protect the information, people make mistakes. Like leaving a file on a desk. Or accidentally saying something. Or any number of innocent mistakes. Then there are the plethora of non-innocent things. Plus, talking about personal issues with someone you know is motivation to not share completely or honestly so that one is not presented in a bad light.

Anyone can claim to be a marriage counsellor. Church folks often just claim the title because they know what the Bible says about marriage and it's their job to counsel their flock. Whoever you go to you should ensure they have secular education and degrees, and you need to know how much what the Bible says will affect their counselling and if you agree with that.

Whoever you go to, they need to be educated in family counselling, preferably with degrees.

I would go with someone with which you share no personal contacts. This way you can be honest. Your information can't become the talk of church by accident or really even on purpose. Absolute honesty is necessary to identify and explore feelings and issues. No honestly = no help.

I would assume that any counselor connected with the Doctors office would be degreed. But, counselling the Bariatric Surgeon would be connected to may not have a family counselling focus. I would want someone focused on family counselling.

Good luck,

Tek

Janet P.
on 10/22/20 10:39 am
On October 22, 2020 at 5:16 PM Pacific Time, MadsHunt wrote:

Hi again,

I'm completely supportive of my dear wife in her having had surgery in February. I posted about some mood swings she's had which seemed like they might be a phase, but they have intensified so I think we should seek help to preserve what is a great partnership.

My question: is it better to go to someone we know from church who is a marriage counselor or seek someone through the bariatric surgeon's office?

Thanks for any advice!

Your quote "I posted about some mood swings she's had which seemed like they might be a phase..." explains some of it. Everything I write has a caveat - I am not married and have never been married.

She had surgery and is losing weight. Rapid weight loss reeks havoc on hormones that will have a direct impact on her mood. We've all been there. What I'm saying is it may be more biological than psychological. Perhaps she should talk to someone in her surgeon's office or her primary doctor.

Janet in Leesburg
DS 2/25/03
Hazem Elariny
-175

Partlypollyanna
on 10/22/20 11:26 am
RNY on 02/14/18

I would think going to somone in your church, even if they were professionals, would come with its own baggage because they might already have opinions. Going to someone neither of you know might be more objective. (However, I am single and non religious so weight my opinion appropriately, lol). You seem very concerned with helping to support your wife through her changes and so the work for both of you, that's nice.

HW: 306 SW: 282 CW:144.8 GW: 145 (reached 2/6/19), next goal - 132.9

Jen

scaryreader
on 10/22/20 4:04 pm - Chicago, IL

How about an independent counselor familiar with wls but not necessarily a bariatric counselor?

 

                       Eve
hw:400+
sw:340
cw:163

 

hollykim
on 10/23/20 7:30 am - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15
On October 22, 2020 at 5:16 PM Pacific Time, MadsHunt wrote:

Hi again,

I'm completely supportive of my dear wife in her having had surgery in February. I posted about some mood swings she's had which seemed like they might be a phase, but they have intensified so I think we should seek help to preserve what is a great partnership.

My question: is it better to go to someone we know from church who is a marriage counselor or seek someone through the bariatric surgeon's office?

Thanks for any advice!

sometimes VERY personal things come up during therapy. Would you want to share something VERY personal with someone then see them in church on Sunday? worse than thAt would either of you hold bCk on something that needs to be spoken exactly because you would be seeing that person in church?

if you are going to seek therapy I think you should go to someone outside your church.

 


          

 

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