Developing Better Boundaries Post Weight Loss - What Worked For You ?

on 11/22/20 9:59 am, edited 11/22/20 10:10 am
RNY on 01/01/14

I often feel challenged by the extra attention that comes with having lost those extra lbs of weight. It wasn't even that I wasn't Attractive ... it was more like creeps find me Sexy now and act predictably creepy and I get SHOCKED lol.

I don't mind being stared at in Costco if I choose to wear something nice ... but having some dude at the other pump stare at my Azz openly ..and then try to conversate... and the dude behind the register too ( not to mention the drunk sipping from his brown paper bag outside ..) yeah... not so much.

You can't always live dressed down because then what's the point of making the effort to look good - but how do you protect yourself Mentally when your ( now-taut) Shape is Literally Out There for all to see in a body flattering dress lol- whether its for an audition or a date or just a party or a performance costume ?

It's really a case of be careful what you wish for, right - but also a mystery to me because some GRRLz have successfully dealt with this pressure all their lives ... just not me. So how do You handle it ?

But there are other types of boundary challenges too - like now-jealous Grrrlfriendz who let out an embarrassing fact to another friend to humiliate you ( of course that makes the rounds like INSTANTLY lol) or family members who do the same thing ( if they know about your WLS watch out ) or the rude dude ( or Grrrl) who confronts you in public with a demanding, intimate question- like how old are you ? or have you filed a tax return this year lol ?

I know I am SO MUCH more careful my privacy , particularly my online privacy since I was stalked by a troll ( who originated on this site ... don't be scared she's long gone )

But there are work-related flirting/trying to get closer issues too...and handling them successfully requires a whole different language and mindset than even 40 lbs ago.

What worked best for you ? Please share your experiences good and bad !

on 11/23/20 4:36 pm

i do understand how you feel. most of the time i just ignore people and at times you just have to be quite assertive thats all. i am in a wheelchair and have lost 250 lbs and these guys like want to do my shopping at the store, follow me around etc and i just politely say no thanks! but the stares are sometimes yea creepy and yea i like my privacy too, its just that i am the same person that i was at 402 that i am at 153 people just don't understand that. you just gotta take a stand, set really strong boundaries for yourself, that is what i am having to do. when people ask me those "intimate none of your business questions" i ask them back "why do you want to know"? Put it back on them.

on 11/23/20 5:47 pm
RNY on 06/03/15

at age 60, I fortunately don't get much of that anymore, but when I do, i just blow it off.

on 11/30/20 10:04 am

As a man, I experience this to a lesser degree but I definitely notice some things.
My girlfriend looks at me with lust and it makes me feel weird. I just mean she will catch me at some angle and get that look on her face, and I've never had that happen before. I almost don't like it, I got so used to turning people on with my mind and it just seems weird that she's so into my appearance now. I don't know, it's just going to take a lot of getting used to, for someone to look at me and see something purely physical that excites them.

I guess it goes back to how lonely I was when I was bigger. I got turned down so much before. Now with the interest I get, I always want to say "what weight could I reach that would make you leave" because I know damn well my weight got in the way before.

I wanted to look good, I wanted to have better success dating. However, it's going to take me some time to be almost.. unoffended I guess when I get a lustful comment or flirting based largely on my appearance.

I suppose I went 35 years feeling completely unattractive, so it's going to take awhile to get used to being looked at a certain way or to have someone want to be with me largely just for the sex. And I'm probably still a little injured from how little interest I used to get from women. Hopefully once the pain of those lonely years goes away, the flirtation based on my new appearance won't stand out as much and I'll just be able to enjoy it.

Of course, as a cisgendered man, it's always been far easier to deal with these sorts of things. I don't have to worry about negative things coming from the attention I'm getting, at least not to the degree women often do.

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