Family Does Not Support Me

changingmylife2021
on 10/6/21 6:10 am

I was scheduled for my surgery this month but now it has been moved to December. I am very upset and surprised because my family does not support my decision and I prefer not sharing it with others. My family thinks the surgery is too dangerous and they don't like what they have read in the materials I shared with them. They are trying to talk me out of it. I am so frustrated and disappointed. Has anyone else had unsupportive family? How did you move past it if you did?

Partlypollyanna
on 10/6/21 9:26 am
RNY on 02/14/18

Your families opinion about your surgery really isn't important -- same with friends or bystanders. If you feel you're making the right decision, you have the appropriate medical team in place then you do what's right for you. I wouldn't let someone else's opinion direct my other medical care, why would I have engaged them in this one?

I'm sorry that your surgery was delayed, use the extra time to focus on the mind part of the prep as well as following all your medical teams guidelines; December will be here soon!

HW: 306 SW: 282 GW: 145 (reached 2/6/19) CW:150

Jen

White Dove
on 10/6/21 11:02 am - Warren, OH

My surgery date was in December and then got moved up to October. I went and had the surgery, then called my family when it was too late for them to try to talk me out of it. Best decision I ever made. It is so sad that so many people whose lives could be so much better are stopped from having surgery due to the prejudice of people who don't understand.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

Citizen Kim
on 10/6/21 7:28 pm - Castle Rock, CO

I didn't tell anyone until I'd done it. I also am not someone who condones uninvited opinions, so there's that!

Drown out the naysayers, you're talking to people here who KNOW what they're talking about, why listen to a bunch of know nothing's?

Dont bring up the subject with them again. Your time will soon be here.

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

changingmylife2021
on 10/7/21 6:08 am

Thank you all for responding. You bring up good points and offered great advice!

GracielaSusana
on 10/8/21 12:45 pm - Ft Myers, FL
RNY on 06/07/21

I only told my supervisor at work, a few family members, who I knew would be supportive, and that was it. I told the rest after the surgery because I knew they would keep their mouth shut at that point.
My supervisor ran interference at work for me as she had the surgery some years before, and would not let anyone say anything negative. Don't mention the surgery again to your family, let them know afterwards!

Ashley in Belgium
on 10/9/21 2:08 am - Belgium
RNY on 08/08/13

I didn't bring it up until it was over and done with most people. Only those who absolutely had to know and then I stated it as a done deal not open for discussion.

There are still lots of us old timers here who check in and will help you through - you have to make your own decisions and have the courage and discipline to take of yourself through the entire process. It is completely worth the effort IMO. The nay sayers are just that and you need to stay focused on what you want and need for your own health.

Stick around. Ask questions. You got this.

Revision Band to RNY 8/8/13 5'4" HW 252 Lbs / SW 236 Lb / GW 135 lb / CW 127

Est_in_1984
on 10/10/21 2:32 am
RNY on 10/07/21

It's crazy how i had more support from people at work then my own family. I hinted around to family members about "maybe" having surgery( i had already gotten my surgery date). NEGATIVITY right off the bat. My parents are the only ones who know in my family about my surgery. Mom was hesitant at first but got on board and my dad said he has known for awhile that i was probably going to go this route because he knows how much i have struggled with my weight. He is a man of little words so it surprised the heck out of me that he became my biggest supporter.

I just had my surgery on the 7th and most of my family thinks my mom and i went on vacation. I haven't decided if i am ever going to tell anyone in my immediate family yet.

Lucile777
on 10/10/21 10:19 am

WHO CARES?! You do you, Boo! I haven't told anyone. Not a single person. Only my husband knows.

RNY Oct. 27/17. HW 289; SW 285; GW 144; LW: 161 CW: 196 FML: Fighting regain :(

White Dove
on 10/10/21 1:21 pm - Warren, OH

We have one guy who never told his wife

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

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