Bariatric Divorce

on 1/25/22 1:16 pm

I need help my husband said if I get weight loss surgery he will divorce me I told him I weigh over 500 surgery is my only hope to live long healthy life. I don't know what to do I'm fear to be alone but I know if I don't have surgery I will not be here long.

Shannon M.
on 1/25/22 2:16 pm - CA

Sounds like he has more fear of being alone than you. As a post-op VSG, my world opened up and my health improved. Do not short change your health and life for someone else. This is YOUR life! Good Luck and find people who support you wanting to be healthy!

on 1/25/22 2:59 pm
RNY on 02/14/18

Does he give you any reasons why? Is he afraid for you, then take him to the doctor with you so he understands the pros/cons; is he afraid that you will leave if you get skinny? Therapy/counseling could help in either case. If you search here on the word spouse, there seem to be quite a few people that have dealt with similar non-supportive partners, maybe there is something in those experiences for you to use. Good luck doing the right thing for you, with/without his support.

HW: 306 SW: 282 GW: 145 (reached 2/6/19) CW:150


White Dove
on 1/26/22 4:45 pm - Warren, OH

I guess that I am just very independent because my answer would be, "I will miss you".

I do what I need to take care of myself and would not tolerate being told what I cannot do. My decision to have surgery was between me and my doctor. I am also not afraid to be alone. There are plenty of men who will want to be with you if you want them. You might not.

I would ask him to go to marriage counselling with me and go alone if he refuses. Then I would talk to a lawyer about my options.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

Citizen Kim
on 1/26/22 4:56 pm - Castle Rock, CO

My husband wasn't keen, but I never asked his permission. My body, my choice.

You may want to seek help if your husband is this controlling/disrespectful.

I believe that divorce after surgery is often because the person having surgery gains self esteem and no longer needs their spouse/partner to enable or even sabotage them.

You have a lot of thinking to do.

Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist

on 1/29/22 7:28 pm, edited 1/29/22 11:33 am

Same for me, no asking permission for life saving changes.

on 1/29/22 7:27 pm

Good luck with your new husband!

on 1/31/22 1:22 pm

You have had such great responses here. I have to say that to me... if your husband is threatening divorce over a life changing surgery you may want, then he is either very uneducated as to the pros and cons of the surgery or not the kind of man you want to keep around for life no matter what you weigh!