Any one else wonder when enough will be enough? pic included*

Ok so.. we all started out this journey with nothing to lose but the weight.. were all at the point where we didnt care if it killed us it was time to do or die as they say. what im dealing with now is.. i have lost more then half my original weight.. reached several goals.. but im still not where i want to be.. my goal keeps changing... its like i wont be happy till im a "franken-barbie" or something i duno what it is.... so does anyone else feel like how much more do i have to lose till i will be content in my own skin? or is it just me?

   I don,t if is just people with High B.M.I.  Because , We have so much weight to lose.  Losing a Hundred pounds seems laughable.. I lost 135 pounds 75 since my surgery. That Like losing a whole human being.  I should be happy.  But, Who can be happy when you still have so much to lose.   I don't know about you But, I have never been thin not once in my entire life.  For once in my life . I would like to be a normal weight and have normal life.  But, What is normal. Everybody tells me you will get there one day.

   In High School I was 230 pounds. At 40 years old My heaviest weight was  395 pounds.  I new if I did not get surgery.  I would be dead soon.  I had just lost my brother who died weighing 500 pounds. I new in my heart and sould if i did not change my life.  I would dead just like him at 42 years old.    My  surgery weight 340 after a year of dieting.  Six months after surgery. I have lost 70 pounds  I am at  253 pounds and can't seem to get under 250 pounds for the last month. I been eating right and taking my vitamins. But, lately have been still getting sick when I eat. I can bearly  eat any thing more than a couple of bites..  I can't even seem to enjoy the weight lose . I have already lost.  I actually feel better phycially than I have in years and can get around better.But , The pressure is still on with family asking how much weight have you lost.    I feel like time is running out.  You have year to lose the weight right after surgery.  I know if I had not had the surgery.  I probably would allready been dead by now. I happy to be alive and well. But, I am not sure what make me happy any more. I am still hoping just to get under 200 pounds.  I truly hope that happens one day.
  I want to tell you to be happy. You lose a hundred pounds.  But, How can tell you to be happy when I am not happy myself. My hair with I always loved is falling out slowly and is uneven because, Of the new hair growth.  My skin which has always been really nice.  Has started to hang from my neck and face  in big winkles. I have big bags under my eyes from the weight lose. The skin from arms is hanginging down like and inch longer and half than before.  Lately instead of being happy.  I just want to cry.  My sister,  Who is a nurse is worried.  Because, I know I look like HELL.  But, Done every thing the doctor told me to do.

I go back and forth, some days I feel great. I'm happy that I've lost 200lbs and proud of myself for all the hard work, and love living my life.

Then there are the other days, where I look at my body and want to cry. I sooo badly need plastics but there is just no way, I'm still paying off major school debt so another surgery is probably 10 YEARS away....uggg.

I try to focus on all the things that my new body can do, the freedom that I have, and the normalcy of my life now. People no longer look and me and go "HOLY F**K", they just see me as another regular person.

However, I'm not a girlie girl, but an androgynous one so I get lots of stares for other reasons....but I digress.

I think that there will come a time when the good days outnumber the bad, but it's going to take time, it's going to take talking about it, and it's going to be okay.

Hang in there Peggy! We are amazing

:Danni

Peggy,

First, looking at the progression pictures, I think you look great.

To all

I understand how goals change. I work in the auto industry, and the term we use is "Continuous Improvement". Even if things are substantially better then they used to be, we always try to be better, but we also take satisfaction in our accomplishments. 

I also am not happy with my body now, I  have so much hanging skin I look like ET. However, I am also thrilled that I walked 5 miles today.   .

My goals tend to revolve more around fitness. But, being the father of 2 daughters, I understand that men and women view their bodies very differently.

I hope we can all appreciate how far we have come, understand that we have more to do, and that perfection is not achievable. 

Wishing everybody happiness

Gary

 

My skin shows the battle of weighing nearly 400 pounds. It wouldn't matter how much plastic surgery I had..I was in the war and have the scars. For me plastics would just lead to different scars.
Sometimes I feel huge. Sometimes I feel small. Every once in a while I feel the "right" size. Not the super thin "success/after" thin but the size that is right for me. I weigh betwee*****nd 210 pounds. For the first time in my life I'm staying in some range. I've always been going up or down. I'm trying to find balance in this space/size. For me this "enough" is more than enough. It's a miracle. I make a deliberate choice to see this as a glorious success.
Deb T.

I love this board.. i missed being on here and reading all the great advice an words of encouragement.. no where else in life do i feel as comfortable being myself as i do here.. thanks everyone for the support over the yrs.. and for being tru friends that i know i can always count on to help me think more clearly.. i have alot to be thankful for.. just some days its harder to see then others... one day at a time...........exhales..  we can be happy!!

Peg

Okay - I have photos that show me at possibly 500 - or close to 500 pounds, and when I pull them out - just did for my (almost) one year follow up appointment, the staff was amazed.  I showed off my "guns," as I have proudly swam (as of yesterday) 418 MILES.  Upon chatting with my surgeons Nurse Practitioner, she said, "It's time to meet Dr Paige (the cosmetic surgeon)."  She says that typically they don't schedule the consult until I stop losing weight for two - three months, but in my case, my pannus is a good 30 pounds & she was able to check my abdominal mussels, so she knows I am working HARD.

I am still over 300 pounds, 314 yesterday, but I am willing to keep working to finally see what I can do with some determination & my "tool".  This is FOR LIFE, so I already know there won't be any slowing down or no longer worrying about obesity -- I will have to continue being active to the end of my days. 

We can only do so much with flesh that has been stretched to unimaginable degrees -- I sigh when I put on BOTH my swimsuits, as my thighs are collapsing in on themselves.  It isn't pretty, but it also shows the journey I have been on.

Last Friday, I got into a great conversation with folks at the King County Aquatic Center - where I swim - about how much I have lost.  I chuckled, said, "Would you like to see?"  Pulled out my phone, and both of them gasped.  Yup, I have come a very long way from the WAY upper 400's.  It is embarrassing to face I was as large as I was, but on the flip side, I have turned so much of it around.  I will have to be diligent & keep at it, and if I continue working hard, I should see a normal weight & size.

My profile has my photos - feel free to browse them.  This isn't a journey of one or two years, this is the rest of our lives -- so remember that when you consider the short term.

Brenda : )~

I have not had my surgery yet but I do know that I do not want to be what 'society' and the 'doctors' claim to be a healthy weight for me. If I get under 200 lbs I will be more than happy 175 lbs and I will be content for life. I too like another poster have always been big so the 'want' to be skinny is not there for me. I want to be healthy.
So my question is- do you want to be healthy or are you trying to look a certain way? Having goals are wonderful and reaching them one goal at a time until you reach that bigger goal is excellent too. Make sure you are getting to that goal for the right reasons.
Congratulations on your sucess so far and keep up the good work. I like coming on here and seeing that loosing the weight (even with a 65 bmi for me) is possible to loose.

This is a really great thread. I appreciate each point of view that has been shared.  I think that what one of us said about having battle scars, and that plastics just give you different scars, is very wise.  I also like what LaToya said about my goals needing to be for Health.

I am almost 52 years old, and I know that I will never have the money for plastic surgery. I also know that by society's beauty standards, I will need it "desperately" when I am done losing my weight. I know it is easy to say now, compared to when I have flapping skin, but one of the things I have though ta lot about, when considering surgery, is the fact that I am going to have to be at peace with "looking like a California Raisin" (that is the way I say it, to help keep me from getting too serious about it, lol).

I am already working on my body image, I am reading a book called "A Course in Weight Loss - 21 spiritual lessons for surrendering your weight forever" that I highly recommend. It is written by Marianne Williamson. I am DOING each lesson as I read the book, and I am changing the way I feel about my body every day. I don't feel like the "fat girl" anymore, and I am only part-way on my journey.
It is very empowering.

I guess my last thought is that life is a journey, not a destination. There IS NO "perfect" state that we will attain, and then be DONE. We have to learn how to enjoy living life along the way towards it. It is correct to always be tweaking our goals. When we reach a goal, we need to set the next one, and it may be a totally different type of goal. Like, for me, it is learning to be comfortable in my skin, no matter how I look as I regain my health through weight loss.

Sigh...that is a great question - a question that has been breezily fluttering around in my head for a while.   Im 5'10"  & I've done a lot of things with this tool that I didn't dream I would be able to do. Even with all of the accomplishments, which I wouldnt trade for the world, I  look at my body and somedays i  wonder if it will ever be enough.  I think we have to start telling ourselves what is enough for us, even though charts and scales and society/media (retch) may say and show something different.  It will do a mind job on me if I focus on peoples "ideal" for me or start comparing myself to other people too much, and that may snowball into a dangerous place...I dont want to go there.  I've started asking myself - what is enough for me? I think the answer is gonna be different for everyone, but its important for me to search for and find an answer, because if there is no satisfaction with my weight loss/body image, I may start looking to other things that are just as unhealthy as my eating habits were.   It has helped me to say and believe in my heart  'this is enough for now.'  Im not where I plan to stay and I dont plan to be where others think I should be.  My satisfactory place? My desired range is 195-205.

Weight and food obsession/drama have played such a major part of my life and this steady (for the most part) decline has been great, but I am also thinking about ways to prepare to maintain and keep my satisfaction once the music stops. I don't want anymore of this type of drama.