I'm owning my failure, but....

hi,

my ticker line is not accurate... can't recall how to change it.
lapband 2/2007
baby born 3/2008 after 30lb weight loss, curing infertility
revision to realize band 11/2011 when doc said it was not positioned correctly after pregnancy.  i had not gone bac****il 3 years after the baby was born.

i've had two fills so far with my realize band.  after my first i had a slight unfill in office because i began burping and feeling uncomfortable immediately by sipping water.  the second fill put me somewhere around 6ccs and i feel a little something, but really not much difference.

i have no restriction.  i need my band to be my police bc i cannot police myself.  i am weak.  i stay home with my kids.  i play head games and i end up snacking throughout the day.   anyway, with my last band i could not eat much bread or pasta, and absolutely no rice.  this band does nothing like that, and i am gaining.  i go for another fill consult tomorrow.

what do you consider restriction?  if you can diet without restriction, why did you get the band?  i feel i need it for policing, but i'm checking to see if that is what others need as well.  i feel like i can't do it alone and i need this thing to really help me take in minimal calories per day.  i can't do 1400 cals a day on my own.  is anyone else like this?  i just feel like i'm not doing well.  trying to figure out if i'm hopeless, or if getting restriction will help me.  can you eat around restriction?  if you have restriction, do you feel full or is it more that you just can't put anything more in without getting sick?  do you drink with your meals?  i don't drink a lot with meals, but i just find it nearly impossible to not at least have a couple sips of water with meals. 

Ugh! I feel your pain as far as the "restriction" dilemma...whats too tight what isn't....sometimes a fill/unfill of 0.1 cc has changed what I feel drastically.

I consider restriction if I get full quicker than I normally would. If I eat any more food after that, I can feel it in my throat.   I am a volume eater and have a hard time policing myself as well. No way could I do that many calories. I tried and I swear even though I weighed my food, kept a journal, etc, I couldn't lose the weight before the band.

 I feel like Im not doing well either which is why I am back at OH.  I have eaten around restriction by pushing food through with liquid [PAINFUL and not my finest moments], gotten stuck, pb'd , eaten "sliders" so I could eat more and all that good stuff. I was drinking with my meals too. I am like you...I like to have a few sips cause that is when I get thirsty is when I eat! Being pregnant helped me fall off the wagon because I was unfilled almost totallly from my 5th month to about 5 months after I gave birth.

I have started to LISTEN to my body again. No more beer, no more drinking while eating and I have set up appointments with my gastro and my WLS so check stuff out just in case.  I have failed this past year in my steps to take care of myself. I have been fortunate my weight has not been impacted but I fear for what I may have done to my body as a result of my carelessness.

You are not hopeless. I think getting restriction will help you if you follow the band rules.

Thanks, Stacy.  Your numbers look amazing to me!!!!  I feel like a number in the 100s is just impossible for me.  I know that with such an attitude, I will not get far.  I saw a quote that said, "Whether you believe you can or you can't... you're right."  It's so true.

I'm happy to say the doctor's office was very supprotive today.  When I first got the band in '07 i dieted to lose the initial 30lbs because I was so afraid of failing.  It was strange.  I do credit the band with helping me keep that off.  Anyway, this time I didn't have the will to lose weight on my own, as in without restriction.  I sort of came clean about everything today, and said that I felt like I needed to be specific about fills and unfills until I can get it right.  For some reason I feel strange to keep calling and going back.  At my office, you have to go in for a consult and then back again for the fill two weeks later.  So it just feels like a lot of back and forth and effort.  My doc is not necessarily a big band fan, and so I've always been hypersensitive.  Today she was very open to hearing me say that I was feeling this way and she assured me that they are there to provide a loving and supportive environment and that she wants to see me both when I am succeeding and when I'm struggling.  It made me feel so much better.  Hopefully my fill will be next week and I can get some restriction and start heading in the right direction.  

They look amazing to me too! LMAO! It is VERY hard to believe! I have body dysmorphia issues so sometimes I look in the mirror and think "who the hell is that??"  I felt that way about 100s as well. Being a lightweight though, I reached the 100's before I got on solid food after surgery. It was still something I had not been able to do just dieting alone so it felt like quite an accomplishment and a bit surreal. Even now I look at my size 8 jeans and small size shirts and feel like I need a pinch!

I'm glad your doc is supportive and I am sure you feel sooo much better having had an open discussion with her. Sounds like you have a great team in place to help you so utilize them! That is what they are there for! I love my doc. He is my biggest cheerleader and helped me when I was at the end of my rope and had nowhere else to turn. He is still there for me and if I need him and he is paged, I get a call back within 5-10 mins.  

It is good to "come clean" as you put it. It sounds like you had the band placed but still didn't accept you NEEDED that tool to help you. Going back and forth to the office is just logistics, a pain in the ass but necessary.  Its the mental **** that will really get you if you let it. I look forward to hearing about your fill and how you feel afterward!

As far as restriction, I wouldn't personally know. After 17 fills I never got restriction. According to the band manufacturers, restriction/green zone/sweet spot is an appropriate level of saline at which point you will get full sooner and stay full longer. Unfortunately many Drs. do not tell patients BEFORE they get the band that many ppl NEVER get restriction! Kind of an important detail, don't you think?

That being said, you have not tried to work with your band............getting pregnant right after getting it, and then going another 3 yrs. w/o a fill. You do have the band in, and it MIGHT work for you, so my suggestion would be to get several more fills to try to accomplish restrictition. I don't think any Dr. would revise you at this point since you haven't been trying to work with your band.

My advice would be to start following the band rules, and getting fills. Give it a yr. If you have no restriction after being  consistant with fills......then REVISE!

When I went in for my first fill, my surgeon OVER-filled me and told me to drink water.  When he saw the discomfort on my face and my reaction, he said "this is what you DON'T want".  He then started to release the saline and the restriction until it felt comfortable.  

For me, restriction is being able to eat slowly  without pain (unless I don't chew properly and I don't eat slowly enough), and feel quite full after about 20 minutes.  The key (for me) is eating slowly and giving my stomach time to tell my brain that I've had enough.  But there is definitely a physical component.  I literally am FULL after I eat; and yes, the portions are small.

However, in the mornings, my band is so tight, that just eating a hard boiled egg will cause me to feel stuffed until lunch time, so I usually just drink a protein shake in the morning.

Good luck!!

thank you, c_cubed!  i missed this one last time.  it's interesting that your doc overfilled you to explain the difference.  it sounds like he really understands the band.  that is one thing i don't get from my team... i wish i could go to a team that has experienced obesity and what it is like to need help.  even better would be a team that actually experienced the band. 

it's great that you are pain free.  there have been times that i have experienced pain.  i would love to have restriction without any whatsoever.  it will be a passing thing for me, but to have none would be quite nice. 

You know that is one thing I can say about the band, it does force you to eat slower. Now as far as being tight in the morning, I was aware before surgery that was very common. I assumed that there would be adequate restriction the remainder of the day though after a few months and a few fills. Unfortunately that part never happened. :-(

Thanks, Maria.  I can't believe after so many fills, you still did not achieve restriction.  Although, it has always surprised me how just having a band in place - unfilled - doesn't automatically mean you will notice a difference.  It's all so strange, and different for everyone.  With my initial band, I didn't even feel it until I was pregnant and things started shifting.  The first fill with my realize band I felt, but I immediately had a slight unfill because I knew it was too tight.  Oddly enough, I don't feel it again after putting in more than was in that initial fill (then unfill).  It is really fickle.  

Yes, I need to get back in the game.  I'm hoping the weather turn around and just the pressure of trying not to fail at a second surgery will motivate me to make this happen.

For many of us there seems to be a very fine line between too loose and too full. I've had 17 fills and 4 partial unfills. There is just no happy medium there. Even tried the dynamic fill and that was no help either.

~Oddly enough, I don't feel it again after putting in more than was in that initial fill (then unfill).  It is really fickle.  ~

This is just one of the reasons I call mine a psycho band. There is just no rhyme or reason to many things with the band. I have been in that same position. Go in for a fill and it's too tight, so they take out half of what they put in. Then go back for my next fill and they put in more...........which makes it a higher level than the previous fill that had to be partially unfilled.........and then there's no restriction! Strange isn't it? Then there are the times when I can have dense protein like chicken or steak and it goes down just fine.........then a few hrs. later yogurt might get stuck! It just can vary so much from day to day..........minute to minute!