Pissed at myself. Caution foul language

I'm so ******g angry with myself. After going through the pain of surgery, working my ass off to lose weight, and controlling my diabetes with diet and exercise for 3 years I'm back where I started. I completely let myself go. I ate every sweet within reach of my grubby hands. There was no sense of self control or self denial. I have people around me that care and want badly to see me do well. Who try to hold me accountable though I push them away when they do. My body finally has said enough with your pathetic gluttony and as of  Saturday morning my A1C was 9.6%. If y'all don't know what A1C is then count your self lucky. A1C gives a estimated snapshot of your last 3 months blood glucose levels. Normal is 5.0 and as I stated mine was 9.6 meaning that on average my blood glucose level was around 240. So, tomorrow I'm going on insulin and who knows what else and back to sticking my fingers multiple times a day. I can't believe I let it get to this. What the **** is wrong with me. I work in the medical field I was a ******g Hospital Corpsman in the United States Navy for God's sake. I know the results of diabetes and what causes it but I ran full steam right into it. Doctors become apathetic to patients that don't attempt to follow their orders. I'm becoming apathetic to my own behavior. I can commit right now but to what end?  If I get a whole bunch of anti banding crap know that it goes on deaf ears. I take FULL and COMPLETE responsibility for my actions or lack thereof.

I am sorry that you are feeling so angry and defeated.

i know that for me, the band was not going to stop me from sweet foods ... And those were my obsession before my surgery.

My surgeon suggested RNY for me, but I was afraid of that much surgery (no comorbidities and generally healthy, although obese.)

I made my way to OA before my surgery, identified my trigger foods, and began to abstain from them.

one day at a time, I am abstinent 4.5 years later.....not a cookie, or bite of cake or piece of candy in that time.

not everyone has to abstain from sweets.  Some people can eat small amounts and walk away .. That is not me. I know that once I pick up those foods, they become all I will eat.

i won't go back there.

i hope you can find peace with your cir****tance and the willingness to do whatever it takes to be healthy.

No anti banding words, you are right.  This one is on you.

But... you also might need more than mere restriction can do for you.  Maybe you need RNY or DS?

My heart goes out to you. Everyone on here has food demons, everyone lacks the self control we need, otherwise we wouldn't have had surgery. So I think everyone will have sympathy and understanding.  In a much smaller way, I lose control but have so far been able to pull it back, but I know only too well it may go out of my control some day.

No surgery can solve this for us, as you are clearly aware. So I don't have any suggestions. Apart from saying maybe by opening up Iike this you have taken a first step? 

Over here in the UK, we don't  go in for counselling and therapy as much as in the US, but have you taken that route? 

As the saying goes, you're preaching to the choir! I have found myself doing less and less healthy eating and more "crap" eating as the stress in my life increases. I KNOW that I shouldn't do it, but KNOWING and CHANGING are two different things. All I - and you - can do is realize that we have gone off the rails (which we've done) and try to regain our focus. THAT, I know, is far easier said than done.

Venting is a good start. It's a way to release tension and it sounds like you need to do it more. Come back here, or on another board/group, and let it all out, as often as you need. It may not fix everything, but it's a good start.