Saturday Morning Sing a Long
Chris,
Your success has prompted me to pen a song. It is sung to the tune of
Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".
Disclaimer: The lyricist wishes to acknowledge that she is aware that weight
gain is the result of many factors including, but not limited to glandular
problems and genetics as well as using food as a means of comforting oneself
as a result of childhood issues. It is simply because it is easier to find
rhyming words associated with gluttony than with physiological disorders
that is the inspiration behind the lyrics.
Once I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without fat on my sides
But I spent so many nights
Eating cheesecake and ding-dongs
Ougrew my thong
Yes, I learned how to pack it on
and then my back
took up more space
I just woke up one day to find
another ten pounds on my face
I should have changed my stupid ways
I should have lost the cupboard keys
If I had known for just one second
I'd be morbidly obese
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me and my thighs
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to eat
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got my fat jeans to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It takes all the strength I have
not to fall apart
when I want to inject
french fries into my healthy heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
No longer morbidly obese
I've dropped a pound or two
and so you lure me with buffets
with the name "Pancake Jamboree"
now I'm saving all my carb points
for good carbs who're loving me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to
hurt me and my thighs
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to eat
I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got my deep fryer to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
Hey, hey....
P.Rush 2007
That's priceless and an original, to boot. I'm "Mr. Parody", so I was able to recall Weird Al's song, which is done to the tune of Michael Jackson's (sorry!) "I'm Bad":
Fat
by Al Yankovic
Lyrics:
Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Jus****ch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right
My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown
Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat
When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code
When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When I go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat
If you see me comin' your way
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry
Then won't you feed my face
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again
You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, hoo
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat
This page has a zillion of the sound files for free. My favorite is "I Drink Cologne" (I Drink Alone). For the Men's Board, I might suggest, "We Buy the Tampons" (We are the Champions).
http://members.fortunecity.com/bwjokes6/parody.html
Take it Easy,
Dave