I keep getting mixed up
I had a frustrating day yesterday. I know what I am supposed to eat but I am often tempted to give into my food addictions. My wife went grcoery shopping but she didn't buy one of the items I wanted. When I asked her where it was, she said she wasn't going to be my enabler. Crap!
She's been my enabler and accomplice in food addiction for at least 30 years. She told me I could just get in my car and go get some if I really wanted it. Give me a break! Nascar was on! However I do TiVo it in case I miss something.
I let my resentment and anger build throughout the day. I didn't feel like hitting her nor really hurting myself ( I've never ever hit her but I have banged my head against the wall when my meds weren't right ). Before we had dinner, I went in to talk to her and told her I had to defuse the situation. She wasn't even aware that there was a problem yesterday. She has dealt with me and my problems with manic-depression for over well over 20 years now. We just had a nice conversation and I was able to tell her that I was sorry.
Later that evening I told her that I wish I could get several days where I was abstinate to go along with days where my mental health felt fine. However, if I start feeling edgy ( like most addicts ), I'd rather have my addicting food than go nuts. Oh, that's right. I'm already nuts. Just kidding there.
I just recently saw my shrink and know I'm on the right meds for the mental side. I can usually talk to my brother (who suffers from depression but can still work) but he's ona sabbatical in southern Mexico. I have a primary and 4 specialists for my other problems. Sometimes I have to just realize that I am disabled. Losing weigh is hard because of problems with motiviation and just the physical difficulty of even walking. Heck, it's easier for me to walk than to stand still. I'm alwayys looking for a place to sit. That's one reason I'm glad that I have a rollator because it has a built-in seat. I'll see my primary on Wed and I'm starting to make a list of what to go over with him. Sometimes it's hard in the 15min the HMOs usually allow for an office visit.
I just had to write this down where I could feel safe saying it. I recognize that I am a far way off from wanting to cause myself any harm. And, I'm not about to go out and binge on anythng. I guess you could say that I faced a problem and did handle it successfully.
Thank you for providing me support whenever I need it.
She's been my enabler and accomplice in food addiction for at least 30 years. She told me I could just get in my car and go get some if I really wanted it. Give me a break! Nascar was on! However I do TiVo it in case I miss something.
I let my resentment and anger build throughout the day. I didn't feel like hitting her nor really hurting myself ( I've never ever hit her but I have banged my head against the wall when my meds weren't right ). Before we had dinner, I went in to talk to her and told her I had to defuse the situation. She wasn't even aware that there was a problem yesterday. She has dealt with me and my problems with manic-depression for over well over 20 years now. We just had a nice conversation and I was able to tell her that I was sorry.
Later that evening I told her that I wish I could get several days where I was abstinate to go along with days where my mental health felt fine. However, if I start feeling edgy ( like most addicts ), I'd rather have my addicting food than go nuts. Oh, that's right. I'm already nuts. Just kidding there.
I just recently saw my shrink and know I'm on the right meds for the mental side. I can usually talk to my brother (who suffers from depression but can still work) but he's ona sabbatical in southern Mexico. I have a primary and 4 specialists for my other problems. Sometimes I have to just realize that I am disabled. Losing weigh is hard because of problems with motiviation and just the physical difficulty of even walking. Heck, it's easier for me to walk than to stand still. I'm alwayys looking for a place to sit. That's one reason I'm glad that I have a rollator because it has a built-in seat. I'll see my primary on Wed and I'm starting to make a list of what to go over with him. Sometimes it's hard in the 15min the HMOs usually allow for an office visit.
I just had to write this down where I could feel safe saying it. I recognize that I am a far way off from wanting to cause myself any harm. And, I'm not about to go out and binge on anythng. I guess you could say that I faced a problem and did handle it successfully.
Thank you for providing me support whenever I need it.
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