Just Met with Surgeon, many questions

on 11/25/17 8:58 am
RNY on 06/01/18


My name is James and I am 45 y/o. I finally concluded surgery is my best option. I was stubborn about it since I considered it the "easy way out..." Well 10 years later I'm more over weight and scheduled to have surgery in June of 2018. I have some questions.

1) Clothes. During the first year or before reaching goal weight how often did your clothes size change? How did you handle this? I am a white collar professional if you will, and expected to have a certain look. Real concerned about the cost that could come up. FYI the resales by my house typically do not have big and tall.

2) Excess skin. I do not want it. How did you avoid this? If you did up having excess skin what did you do?

3) Sex life. How is your post sex drive? How soon after? I understand the fat pad goes away and there is much more exposure if you will. How did your partners respond to this? I am concerned mine will not like it. I know talk to her, but it would be nice to see how others dealt with it.

4) Hair loss. I understand you can have hair loss post surgery. Does this include body hair (please say yes)...

Thanks guys looking forward to going through this journey. Any other information I may not be thinking of is welcomed. I have a full understanding of the surgery, diet, and so forth.

(deactivated member)
on 11/26/17 4:25 am, edited 11/25/17 9:36 pm
VSG on 10/11/16

James, I will number my answers to correspond to your questions. I am almost 14 months post op, and have lost 204 lbs so far.

1) Clothes. I am sort of blue collar, in that I run my own business building stuff. I had a stack of old clothes I outgrew and thought they would last me through the winter last year. They did not. I went through quite a few sizes, from a 60 in pants down to currently 42. To solve the problem, I bought two pair of pants and did more laundry. Well, someone did more laundry. I will address that in another answer.

2) Depending on how much weight you lose and where it comes off, you are going to have excess skin. For me it was not real bad, and I am 59, so a little wrinkly isn't unexpected anyway. But excess skin is a fact of life. Skin removal surgery is available to some eventually, but it is a lot of work and a lot of money from everything I read.

3) Sex drive is even better, and it was good before. Some things are easier. We will be married 34 years in a couple months, and have a very good relationship, so there were no problems in that area at all. Each couple is different though. I am not sure how someone would not like it, unless she is afraid you are going to start fooling around on the side. That is a different issue though.

4) I already lost most of my hair off my head. I have not experienced any other hair loss anywhere else, although my beard seems to grow more slowly these days. That might be from old age creeping up on me too. I don't know. Everyone is different. I don't think you are going to lose the hair on your back though, if that is what you are hoping.

Overall, the results have been way more positive than negative. I have lots more energy, I get lots more done (most of the time) and the negatives have been very few. Probably the biggest one for me is being cold more often.

Oh yeah, the laundry thing. We have been married a long time, and my wife is extremely supportive of this, so much so that she has modified her own diet substantially to match up with mine in many ways. She still eats a few things I can't or won't, but I do not begrudge her that in the slightest. She was willing to do more laundry (i.e. more frequently) in order to not have to spend extra money on clothes I would not be wearing for a long time.

Every time I hit a new pants size, we would go buy two more pair of pants. I do not know where you are physically or philosophically, but one of the things that really helped me extend the life of a pair of pants was this. I carry a sidearm everywhere it is legal. When I started with a new waist size, I would use my outside the waistband holster. As the pants got looser, I would switch to inside the waistband, first with a single stack and then with a double stack .45 ACP. Some folks are fine with that, and some think it is horrible. I don't give a rat's rear end. It worked great, and continues to work great.

Shirts are a little easier to make last longer, depending on how tight you need or want your collar to be. If you wear a tie all the time, it may be an issue for you depending on how much weight you lose around your neck. We also bought less expensive but still new clothing, since it did not have to last as long. Finding my size in a lot of things is still problematic. I am down to almost no weight left to lose, and still weigh 277 lbs. I am about 280 in the picture below.

on 11/26/17 5:12 am
RNY on 06/01/18

You were about where I am, and about where I want to go. You look great. Thank you for all the answers. It was very helpful. NOt worried about cheating, more her comfort. Encouraging about the excess skin. I don't think I would do the surgery. My current wife is my last wife ;) and she loves me unconditionally. I guess that is more of a confidence thing.

I work a 4 day week was thinking 4 pants, 4 shirts, and 1 or 2 weekend outfits. But maybe I'll go down to 2 pants.

Thanks again, much appreciated.

Don 1962
on 11/26/17 8:12 am, edited 11/26/17 12:13 am

Howdy from E. TX!

1. Clothing sizes drop quickly. I went from 52/54's to 34/36's. XXL - Med/Lrg. Depending on the fit. Unfortunately seeing some regain making things snug.

2. Excess skin is the trade off for better health. It can be hidden with the help with compression garments but otherwise plastics are only true option. Personally I "deflated well" according to one plastic surgeon I consulted with so I just live with it.

3. Sex life for the majority improves but can go other way too. Can get so horny at times a knot hole in a fence is tempting. You are spot on about the more exposure thing. Like to use analogy of a fence post in ground and pulling the dirt back exposing more wood/steel. As to your partner s/he, you did not specify, may notice you are "going where no one has gone before".

4. Biotin, OTC at store, helps with hair, nails and skin quality and to some degree quantity. You'll notice some thinning but more protein in diet and the biotin slows the loss.

Get ready for one HELL of a ride! Not are you going through changes physically but psychologically and emotionally as well. It can, and likely will be, a MAJOR head ******o shame in your game to get professional help if it gets to be too much. My best advise for a newbie is in my signature line!

Never, and I mean NEVER, trust a fart!! 

on 11/27/17 10:03 pm

I'll go down your list the best I can. This is not "the easy way out". I've had a double heart bypass...That wasn't the easy way out. It was there to help save my life.

Clothes...You don't want to spend tons on new clothes till you have reached near goal. I bought $300. worth of new clothes cause " I knew" I was done losing weight. I quickly grew out of them. I know it can be tough, but ask friends, family, coworker for good clothing. You fly through clothes sizes like nothing you can fathom. Men lose the weight faster than women in general (we have a larger muscle mass)...Easier for us to lose the weight. Drive extra miles to find good quality second hand shops for the best clothing. Also go to the local support group and ask for help in this area...Yeah, it can be humbling , but you will only use the clothes for a few weeks.

The skin is what it is. You can look into plastic surgery about 1 year post op or maybe 6 months post a stable weight. Just see what needs the most work. I hate my neck...Turkey neck. But I live with it. The younger you are, the more elastic your skin is...The older, the more likely you'll have skin issues.

Sex...Yes you loose the weight at the base of your thing...Which makes it seem longer. Your thing also gets skinnier too. Also remember with the weight loss comes the release of estrogen. Yes, estrogen...It is stored in your fat cells. Many men who are stable for years and years find themselves "falling apart" and have no idea what is happening. It's the release of the estrogen (called the estrogen dump). You will be better as your weight stabilizes. Just keep that one in the back of your mind...It does happen. The sex is better in so many ways...You'll see.

Hair loss...Try and stay on the protein...Protein first. For many it happens. For some men the hair comes back...For others, they were losing it anyways. So you just live with it.

Again you are doing this for your health. The bonus is you get a new lease on life and better health. You may take up different exercise programs that you never thought you would get into. Some jog, others ride bicycles (me). One guy was walking long trails. Someone else takes on more physical work. You find out what works for you (your body type, comfort level, exercise enjoyment, hobbies) and start taking them on. Go from one to another to see what fits your life style. I prune fruit trees and grapevines for a hobby. I also mow lawns and walk to pick up garbage (with a grabber). I went from one exercise to another till I found what works for me...Not you...ME!! Enjoy your journey. Brian

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