197.6 Last week
I really need to get back with the program and consistently track. I hit 200 yesterday morning. Mindful eating, low salt,
and a dump this morning got me back under. I hope this is an eye opener as I know I have goten derailed this Winter.
I hope I can find things to keep me busy, as I have been furoughed by the knuckleheads in DC!
Good week to all!
I am checking in even though I can't weigh myself. I am away from my home. It has been a bad week. Very bad. My father died unexpectedly Friday morning, leaving me and my brother to find a way to care for our semi invalid mother. We were able to find a very small (10 residents counting Mom) personal care home close to their home. It is a bit more of a drive for me, but it is close enough that her friends will be able to continue visiting her easily. And they are already.
I guess this is where I should write "life happened", which is bariatric code for "I started eating bad food and not caring about my body because of stress".
Let me tell you about "life happening" and stress. Stress is finding your 83 year old father on the front porch of your childhood home dead by his own hand. Stress is having to climb over his body and tell your mother about it a few minutes later while police officers and EMTs are hovering over your shoulder. I am two days out from that now. Am I eating right? Not quite, but most of that is because I am not home. As near as I can tell, I am still within the 80/20 guidelines set down by my bariatric team.
Anyway, I am not posting this for sympathy. I am posting this to tell you **** happens, life sucks, and it is our choice how to respond. I will freely admit that I am sucking down his wine stash way more than I should at the end of the day as I sit here alone with my ghosts in the Civil War era house I grew up in. There are lots of them. But beyond that wine, they will not beat me.
I've already given away two cakes brought by the house by some of the ladies from their church. I still have four packages of bread, two packages of bagels, and a whole tray of stuffed shells to deal with, but I am giving them to my skinny brother. I will eat the meat and cheese they brought and stay on plan as much as a I can. I've worked too hard to screw it up now. And I can't see it getting much worse than this. I suppose it can, but right now I can't see it.
Thank you Don. I suspect you've come across similar situations in your line of work.
I'm not going to try to compare apples and oranges. What you experience in this situation is different than what a first responder does. We have to compartmentalize to be able to function and mentally survive. I can tell you that there have been times where the lines have blurred. I've lost friends to being killed in the line of duty. I helped do CPR on one of my former Chiefs from his house to the ER after his second major heart attack. Did the inquest on our recently retired city secretary's husband who passed at home from COPD. Sent her son to prison too. Dealt with two suicides in so many weeks. One was an elderly gentleman, who was partially paralyzed after having a stroke several years ago. His son is Chief of the local junior college's PD. The second one was an OD in a storage unit that was a WLS patient, that according to her mother, became an alcoholic after surgery 10 years ago. She left a 15 year old son behind. Caveat to her story is that the boy went to live with his bio dad in, I think, Mineral Wells and is doing fantastic in his drama classes and band. Grandmother was proud to show me the pictures of him a year later. Best part of my job is helping people. May not see the results immediately but when I come across somebody who has turned their lives around after being a crime victim, maybe been a defendant or simply getting their head out of their ass - damn onion ninjas.
Well there is a little good news coming out of all this. The change in environment for my Mom has improved her desire to be active to a certain extent, and certain other behaviors that she was comfortable with, but were tough to handle are going by the wayside, at least for now. She has a lot to process.
For myself, I?ve actually lost weight. I had to return home for a short time today to retrieve some tools I needed, so I got to weigh myself. Despite some alcohol in the evenings and cranberry scones for breakfast which the church ladies brought by, I am down two more pounds to 270.
ETA: I will write this too. I do understand about the difference in doing this as your calling versus coming into it on a personal level. This week has been full of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I am constantly reliving the image of finding my Dad on the porch, and then telling my Mom. Next up is having to explain to her how I had to put their 16 year old dog to sleep. Anything else would kill her just the same, only slower and more painful. I also have been tapped by the two pastors involved in the funeral to deliver the eulogy. But I am a big tough guy. Not so big as before, but at least as tough. I'll make it through this.
Thanks. I am not being as rigorous as I would normally be, but I'm not going completely off the rails either. I found an old bathroom scale this morning. I have no idea how accurate it is. My scale at home is an old timey "doctor's office" scale with the weights on bars. Anyway, I was just under 272 on this electronic scale of unknown accuracy and quality. That is in line with where my weight had been for the previous week, so it seems that I am at least maintaining.