Two year update & working on long term success - loooong

Hi All

It's been far to looooong since I've posted. Life seems to have been so busy for the past year but it has also been amazing. I'm 2 years out now and my life is so completely changed. I've done very well with maintaining my weight although the last 2 months I've had some leg/knee issues so have had to curtail a lot of my physical activity and have gained a few pounds. Although my pattern of eating with meals hasn't changed much, 90% of the time I eat healthy, still don't drink with meals, watch my protein etc, I was pretty regularly having "treats" which wasn't initially impacting my weight because of my increased level of activity but now it is, so I am trying to battle the sugar ***** in me with varying degrees of success.

I absolutely believe that many people, myself being one of them, are hardwired to being addicted to something or other. It is a physiological response that drives you to drink or eat or gamble too much. It really sucks and is made even more difficult when a significant portion of society still see it as a character flaw when you can't manage it. There are so many complicated processes going on in our brains with neurotransmitters and hormones that scientists are only just beginning to understand some of them. A recent study showed that in certain individuals, the part of the brain that manages self-regulation does not function properly and that they are driven to eat fatty foods, not sugar for some reason, but fat  (click here if you'd like to read about it). Interestingly, this same area of the brain is responsible for Attention Deficit Disorder, which by the way, is now being sited as a major contributor to obesity. The rate of ADD in the obese population is 10 time higher than in the general population. They are advising doctors to check for ADD in their obese adult patients as they begin to recognize the number of adults who have it and don't know it. When I was diagnosed with it at age 48 and put on medication, I successfully kept off 50 pounds for 4 years up to my surgery, mainly because it helped manage some of my impulsive behaviour with eating (like no longer going through the McDonald's drive-through 3 times a day).

I think Erica posted about this not long ago, that the urge to indulge never goes away - for me at any rate. I do very well in a controlled environment but if it is in front of my face the battle begins. That is part of the beauty of the surgery, it is one of the "tools" that helps you control the overeating because you are at least limited in how much you can take in.

I think for any addiction, you can more easily manage the urges if your life is well balanced - you have time to take care of yourself, minimize the stress in your life, have a good support network, and perhaps the hardest part to achieve, emotional health. If you can get to this place, you then have the mental and emotional energy to manage the urges - controlling your environment to reduce your exposure to tempting foods, being organized about meal planning and being more physically active. Hopefully, the journey to a healthy weight after surgery leads you to this exact place.

Many of us who have lived a lifetime of being obese, battling with depression and self-loathing and then overeat to make ourselves feel better. We don't have the mental and emotional energy to deal with our addiction and to resist the urges. It is a vicious cycle. While putting food in your mouth, taking another drink or heading to the casino is a choice, we are too overwhelmed and too beaten down to making the right choice. Food, drinking, drugs or gambling become our best friend, but unfortunately in the long term, also our worst enemy.

I am very fortunate, I now consider myself to be more emotionally healthy than I have ever been, have my life well-balanced and work at taking care of myself. Not everyone is in my position even after surgery, many have young children, elderly parents to deal with, health issues, stressful jobs that they can't afford to walk away from or don't have the resources or access to therapy if they need it. The rest of this post is about my process at this point in my life and is not intended as a judgement about anyone else's journey.

I had an interesting conversation with my therapist the other day. Where initially in my process with him, we never talked much about my over-eating because he viewed it as a symptom and felt that once I dealt with my emotional issues, managing the over-eating would sort of fall into place. A little simplified but that is basically what happened because eventually I was emotionally ready  for the surgery and the impact it would have on my life. When I was recently describing to him my battle to resist the urge to eat the wrong things, and that managing my environment was a critical tool to help with it, he said, yes I understand what you are saying but lets be clear about it, it is still childish behaviour that you are managing, just as giving in to the urge to overeat is childish behaviour.

Earlier in my therapy process, having him say that to me so bluntly would have devastated me,  childish seemed such a harsh word to use, and although I was initially taken aback, I gave it some serious thought. I came to the conclusion that unlike when I was obese, stressed and depressed, I could no longer justify not making the right choice of what to put in my mouth. It is still hard, it requires effort, it requires keeping my life in balance and it requires recognizing on a conscious level (and to keep reminding myself) that putting something in my mouth is a choice. Resisting the urge is the adult or responsible thing to do. Controlling my environment and keeping my life in balance are critical pieces of it, but for me at this stage of my life, they are also a choice. It is a choice, for the most part, if I let my schedule get so busy that I don't have time to exercise or eat properly.

If I had diabetes, or was severely allergic to a particular type of food, I would probably initially be angry, feel sorry for myself but have to get on with managing it - urges on not - or I would do serious harm to my health and possibly cause my death. Many people have to battle this every day and it is hard - but they repeatedly make the responsible choice. While the consequences of my choosing to eat a chocolate bar are not as severe, it still is harmful to my health in the long term and I am ready to described it as making a childish choice if I do it too often. I think my therapist knew I was ready to hear it. I have been seeing a gradual increase in the number of times I make the wrong choice and I need to get a handle on it now. So my new mantra when I feel the urge to indulge is "make an adult choice". It is helping but like anything else, requires practice!

I wish you all well, whatever point you are at in your journey...

Lorraine I've missed you!  It sounds like you are doing wonderfully and a lot of your points really resonated with me.  Are you still acting?  I hope the kids are well!  just nice to see you posting!

Thanks Sandy, I've missed you too!! I was just thinking about you the other day. I'm amazed you got through the whole post, I think it's my longest to date.  Yes I am still acting, I'm doing my 4th play since the surgery, they keep casting me as bossy *****es, wondering if they are trying to tell me something. My kids have had a few ups and downs this year but doing okay overall. We never stop worrying about them do we. How about yours?

I really admire those of you who keep active on the board, sharing your wisdom, experience and laughs. It is really "paying it forward" in a meaningful way. I shall have to make an effort this winter to be more active.

Love to get together for coffee sometime when you're in Ottawa.

Take care!

 Apparently the sign of a good actor is being able to play parts that are completely opposite to them, so there you go!

Hopefully your kids will have way more ups than downs in the coming year.  Mine are great, thanks, both at Ottawa U this year.  DD's second year DS's last.

It would be great to get together again!

Lorraine!!  I've missed you too :)

I loved reading your post.  I always see myself reflected in your posts, but you word them so much better than I ever could.

I look forward to meeting for dinner again next time you're in Toronto.


BIG hugs,
Cheryl

Look at you, you sexy thing!! You look fabulous darling!! I have reeeeeally missed you as well.

How is life treating you these days?

Thank you sweetheart!!

I'm doing fairly well, just having some abdominal pain issues for awhile now.  Drs are invesitagating possible gall bladder problems and my surgeon is concerned it may be a possible bowel hernia.   I'm having a scope on Tuesday morning, and an MRI to be scheduled when they can.  Either way doesn't sound much like fun but we have to take care of these things eh :) 

Once they have it narrowed down I expect to be a lot happier and pain free :)

Talk with you soon!
Cheryl

Sorry to hear you are having health issues Cheryl, it can be so stressful until you get answers and know what you are dealing with. Hope it all resolves soon.

Take care!

Welcome back to posting Lorraine

Great post   

Your seem to being doing great as usual and I can agree to all that you posted, sounds like most of

us on the board LOL 

Take care and continued success, in your wls journey, family life and acting etc

Eileen 

Back at you Eileen!! Nice to see familiar faces, thanks.