I'm nervous...

Here's the background: I'm in a long distance relationship and have been for over 5 years now. My boyfriend lives near Ottawa. I used to live in Montreal (not so long distance) but now live in Northern Ontario. He came to Hamilton with me for my surgery but I haven't seen him since. It's the longest we've ever been apart. He knows how much weight I've lost but he hasn't even seen a picture. He says he wants to get the full effect when he sees me in person. Why am I so nervous to see him??? Here's what I'm fixated on:

* I've lost lots of weight but I still feel so large. Logically I know he'll see a big difference but in my mind I'm thinking it's not yet enough to make a big impression. I'm afraid (illogically) that he'll look at me and think to himself that I should look smaller than I do with 95 lbs gone. I should mention that he is the sweetest. most supportive man I've ever been with and my weight - even at its highest - was never an issue.

* Sex/intimacy: my body has changed. Yes, it's smaller but that means the flab is EVERYWHERE. For the first time I'm nervous about being naked in front of him. (..and since we haven't seen each other in 3+ months I'm assuming we'll both want to "enjoy each other's company")

Any advice on how to deal with all these negative feelings and anxiety? This is new territory for me.


Thea

 Hi Thea!
Do you love him?  
Then trust him. (I'm assuming you said yes!)
He also is probably nervous thinking you will look awesome (which I'm sure you do) and he thinks you will no longer be interested in him!  
What ever is meant to be, will be!
You will have so much fun with each other just discovering a whole new you!
I can't wait to hear all about it!   POSITIVE thoughts!

Thanks for the positive thoughts!

Yes, of course I love him and I know he loves me. We've know each other since grade school so there's really no reason for me to be feeling this way. I don't doubt him at all; it's all just self doubt. *sigh*

Oh Thea,

I know that in your heart and head you know that BF will be so happy when he sees you he will flip.

The "former fatty" inside you is that one who has the doubts, that little devil that sits on our shoulder and causes our insecurities.

He is going to be thrilled to see you (any size) and he is most likely worried that you will think he is not good enough now that you have lost sooooooo much weight. 
Buy yourself a nice piece of lingerie, something black and slinky and enjoy.

I know all of your doubts will melt the moment you see one another.

Deb

I know you're absolutely correct, Debra. That's why I can't explain the anxiety.

(BTW, there's no way I'm buying lingerie.  I'll only be able to use it for such a short time. Of course, if he'd like to buy something for me I'd happily wear it! )

I met my fiance 6 weeks before my surgery so he saw he at very close to my highest weight.  We had a weekend or two of fun then I told him I didn't want to see him for a year as I wanted to focus on me.  Fast forward 13 months and he was still single and not once did he ask did I lose, how much had I lost or even asked for a pic. We got together for Christmas and he mouth dropped and I was down about 122 lbs at that point.  I still had more to lose but he noticed the difference that I likely didn't see but he did.  Sounds like your relationship is great and he loved you no matter what size you were and everything will be the same or perhaps even steamier.  Just be yourself and don't be too critical as I'm sure he will notice way more things that you give yourself credit for.  As for sex, enjoy it, flopping skin and all, trust me he won't notice.

What a great story! It's great that you took time for yourself and he was there to appreciate it at the end.

I know he really won't care about the "floppiness". I just hope I can get past it. I'm not used to being so self concious.

You will get past it.  You may feel insecure at first but it will quickly pass.

Aw Thea - like so many of us, you still feel like a fat girl, even though you've lost 95 lbs. You say that he is a sweet, supportive man who never was bothered by your weight, right? Sweetie, there's no reason to think that he's changed from that wonderful guy. I'm sure that he will be so happy to see you again and he will not give a hoot about any excess flab you may have as a result of the weight loss. Trust him - it's the "total you" whom he cares about and I'll bet he's counting the days until he's with you! He may even be worried that you won't want him anymore, now that you're smaller.  Our minds play such tricks on us! I'll bet that you both will find that it's wonderful just to be together again. Trust in your loving feelings for him and enjoy finally being together after so long!

Deb

Yup, it's definitely a brain game.

Thanks for your kind words. (And I do still feel just as fat as I did 4 months ago.)