Maintenance: Tofu Still Tastes Terrible

I'll just share some of my current challenges.

I am hating my new body.  I lost the last 10 lbs in the hospital and I am very very pruney, arms, thighs, butt, stomach, boobs.  I'm not at all happy with it.  I look better in clothes, but gaunt in the face.  People think I've been very ill.  I felt very hot to trot about 30 lbs ago (and a trotted!), now I don't want to take off my clothes.   It has been suggested that I work out.  There are free exercise machines in my new building, so there is nothing holding me back on that, and I am going to try it.

I indulged a bit in sugar and found the addiction coming back.  I think it's a bit of a gyp that I can't eat wheat, most meats, most take out, and now fats, but sugar goes down like a dream.  Tofu, btw, still tastes terrible.   I did discover Indian pre-prepared foods at walmart and they go down fine. Paneer (Indian cheese) is good.

I have added prayer to my maintenance ritual.  This is not a joke.  I ask God to help me.  On Friday I went up TWICE to the many Tim Horton's outlets on my campus to buy donuts ("just to see if I can tolerate them") (there is an adorable heart shaped donut - feeding into the illusion that food = love)(seasonal foods - a whole new temptation) and both times I got to the top of the line and realized I'd forgotten my wallet, so I had to leave it.  When I got home, I found I did have my wallet with me all day.  It may sound "mad" but I credit this brain fart to God helping me.

I've been trying to eat more, feeling stuffed, eating badly, but trying not to, feeling low.

I steeled myself up to weigh myself and saying "some bounce back is normal" and I had lost 3 more lbs over the last 2 weeks!

Ironically, losing weight relieved my mind, and has enabled me to focus on healthy foods and proteins, and let the sugar go.  

I have an addiction to smart popcorn now, but I'm trying to cut back.

While it might have been divine intervention it could be you're just distracted, thus not knowing your wallet was with you.  Spirituality is an important part of many folk's journey's.  Hope it brings you what you're seeking.

My arms and chest were always quite fit looking even when I was huge.  Now I have this flab beneath my upper arms that looks like a Halloween costume gone wrong!  To describe my butt and skinny legs as frail looking is being generous.  So yeah, I hear ya!  One of my Mom's favorite sayings was "be careful what you wish for".  She was a wise woman (too bad not much rubbed off on me)!  But and this is a big but, I can run, walk for hours, don't stop breathing while I'm asleep and have only small aches and pains.  My blood pressure and cholesterol is good now and I plan on being around a lot longer than my Dad and Granddad made it!  The flabby stuff can be fixed, sudden death has a certain finality about it that I'm trying to postpone.  

Smart popcorn is better than donuts.  cucumber with hummus is better than popcorn.  Hope you can continue focusing on good things and stay out of the Tim's!  Time to seek counseling?  Heal well! Regards! 

Thanks Ian

how are you preparing the tofu?  This soup recipe is a one pan, easy to make recipe and mighty tasty imo.  Its also heavier in protein than carbs, kinda heavy on sodium but you can cut back on the soy sauce if you need to.  

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/hot-and-spicy-tofu/detail.aspx

Hi there!  Been wondering where you have been and thanks for your honest update.  For what it is worth I always remember the "You can never be too skinny or too rich" and as Ian points out (and my mother said the same thing) be careful what you wish for.  I think it takes time to adjust to this process and second guessing is normal.  You mentioned a while ago that you were going to learn how to cook for yourself and were excited about that.  I find that by the time I read the labels and do the math on the nutritional values of a recipe it is indeed tiring but so worth the effort as food definitely nourishes and comforts.  If you are  experiencing the sweet tooth demon there are many sugar free options but the sugar alcohols are the one to watch out for.  I too have some weird puckering happening but would rather have that than a fluffed by fat body.  I just returned from a warm destination and observed many bodies of all ages in bathing suits as I was self conscious of my upper legs but you know what?  I came to the conclusion that even people who were 'normal weight' had the same issues as gravity takes hold.  You are not alone and women are held to a much harsher light in terms of appearance.  Try not to be so judgmental about your appearance and remember the positives, and I am sure there are many, like clothes shopping for example must be lots of fun now.  Watched a movie the other night about a group of 'retired' people from Britain who were going to India to live out their days.  As one woman said to the other (they were talking about finding love) - it is never too late.  I am sure  you will find your mojo again and your sense of humor.  

Thanks, I am in a more cheerful frame of mind now.  I've gone back to eating low sugar protein bars, which (1) get the protein in and (2) satisfy my candy/chocolate craving. 

I am just a terrible cook!  I try but end up throwing away most of what I cook.  So it is actually cheaper for me to buy a good prepared food. 

I don't have much to say, other than I am sending you hugs.  I read your comments all the time and I love how honest you are about your shortcomings, failures and successes.

This is not always a smooth road.  Even though most of us don't admit it, we think this is the "miracle solution" to our weight issues.  It's really only one more thing we try to solve the problem, and hope that it won't catch up with us, like every other time.  This surgery does nothing for the 'head issues' that are one of the factors in how we got overweight in the first place.

A lady I'm not intimately acquainted with died last week, after two years out, thinking she just had a hernia.  She didn't make it back from the hospital.  I don't know if she used these forums, but it's so close to home, suddenly the 'consequences' we hear about seem so much more real and serious.  I know and knew before, but someone in my circle has now died, and I don't just know, I have fear.

I would say that your sagging skin doesn't matter, but I know it does.  How we look has always affected us, otherwise most of us would never even have contemplated this route.  But I do agree with the other person, that being able to walk places without huffing and sweating my brains out is the greater reward.  I'm still only midway in my personal goal, so I know the sagging skin hasn't even gotten really bad yet, and I see myself looking at those "spots" in the mirror with distaste already.  I could never afford plastic surgery though, so somehow I need to learn how to accept this.

Just love yourself, is my only advice.  Keep learning from mistakes.  Keep vocalizing, because truly THAT is what will give you the strength to change anything.

I'm no different than you.  I've 'cheated'.  (Or as my friend calls it, "living life in the real world".)  You'll always have challenges, the part is to just keep going.  I went back into my chocolate addiction over the holidays.  Telling myself that the NSA chocolate nutritional stats weren't that different from regular, so why bother paying the extra.  It's a head thing...a habit thing.  Habits take time to break.  Allow mistakes, just try to move beyond them in a positive way.  Which it sounds to me like you are doing.

Again, I send you hugs. 

Thanks.  The worst part about maintenance is that the brain says "try it - see how it goes".  And I know that extras add up.

Your body will improve.....be patient....

Most of us took tired - gaunt - haggard - choose your adjective....the first year or so.....then our body's adjust and fill out a bit in places and we look good...

DONT try to fill those pockets of skin etc with food and pounds.....trust me on this....your body will re-arrange itself and look good again....( especially your face....it will go from gaunt to great)

....Just give it some time

That's comforting.  I was thinking about eating more but I thought with my luck it would all go around my waist.