This is an EXCELLENT read for those of you struggling with your support people! *long*
This was written by a gentleman that is the webmaster for this site. It is about his wife's WL journey and his journey. It is a significant other's/ support person's side and has many great things to help them understand.
"To all "Significant Others"
My name is Frank Thompson and I am the Webmaster of this site. Barbara
Thompson is my lovely wife.
I want to talk to all the husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, boyfriends,
girlfriends or any other "significant other." If your loved one has asked
you to read this section, congratulations on doing so. I have gone through,
and survived, what you are probably experiencing now and know that I can
offer some words that will help you to deal with it.
About two years ago, our family doctor recommended that my wife see a
nutritionist about her weight. The nutritionist suggested several plans for
her to lose weight, most of which were the standard: more exercise, better
eating habits, identifying why people eat emotionally, and taking prescribed
weight loss medication. One of the
suggestions, however, was for her to have weight loss surgery. I was
shocked. How could this man come up with this? Does he really know what he
is talking about?
My reactions then, were probably the same as your reactions now. I know what
most every one of you was thinking when your loved one told you that he or
she was considering weight loss surgery. I can hear your thoughts and your
words now as I am writing this.
"This is a major operation!"
"You are perfectly healthy!"
"You could die!!"
"What about the family?"
"What about just one more diet?"
"You are not THAT overweight!"
"How can they say that you are morbidly obese?"
"Why do something that will change your life forever?"
I could go on and on.
How do I know what went through your mind? I know because I had the very
same thoughts and emotions. I think that anyone who finds out that their
loved one is "volunteering" to undergo such a serious operation is naturally
concerned about the consequences of such a drastic procedure. I use the word
"volunteering" because at that time, I did not fully understand the "need"
for the operation. I was worried about how this operation would change her
life. I was worried about how she would feel when we would go out to dinner
with friends or when she attended a work
related function that was centered around food. I was worried about the fact
that some surgeon was going to literally change her insides. Cut some parts
here. Reconnect some parts there. This surgeon was actually going to
re-route my wife's intestines to places that God never thought about. I was
horrified. I was scared. I was speechless.
And with all my worry for how this would change my wife's life, I also
wondered how this would change my own life and our family. How could I eat
in front of her without making her feel bad about not being able to eat
more? How could we go out for dinner and a movie? How would I go on if she
had complications and died? It is amazing
how many thoughts go through your head when you are panicking about the
health of your loved one.
After I got over the initial shock, I was able to think a little more
rationally and talked over the options with Barbara. After hearing what she
had to say, I still could not accept the fact that she needed such a serious
procedure. After much discussion, I talked her into trying another diet. I
would help. I would go on a diet with her. I would do anything to avoid the
operation. Being the wonderful person she is, she agreed to try one more
time. She went on another diet and watched what she ate. She went to
nutrition classes. She exercised. She did all the things that the
nutritionist originally suggested except for the surgery.
She did lose weight but she was not happy and was in constant pain from her
back. This is when I started to learn about something called
"Co-morbidities. " Many times when people are overweight, there are usually
other problems happening now or problems that will develop in the future.
Barbara was in a car accident many years ago and has had back pain ever
since. The increased weight on her body was not allowing her to live life
without pain. Some days the pain was less. Some days the pain was more
severe. But there was always pain. This additional
problem that is associated with the weight is called co-morbidity.
Being overweight makes a person vulnerable to many other problems like
diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks and something called sleep
apnea, when the person actually stops breathing when they sleep. Barbara
didn't have any of these other problems then, but being overweight made her
a prime candidate for developing these
problems in the future.
Another problem that is not classed as co-morbidity is "quality of life."
Barbara was not happy about her weight problem and the ever-present back
pain. She missed going shopping with our daughter, Erin, because she could
only walk for a short time at the malls. She felt bad that she could never
fit into the slinky outfits that she wore
many years ago. She loves playing golf, but her back would be screaming at
her after playing only nine holes. Playing 18 holes of golf was absolutely
out of the question. She was taking prescribed and over-the-counter pain
medication, going to a chiropractor several times a week, and even got
treated several times at a pain center at
a local hospital. She was told that the treatments would give her some
temporary relief but would not cure her problem, as long as she was heavy.
The turning point for me to accept weight loss surgery was one day when I
found Barbara in the kitchen and in especially great pain. She was crying
and sitting in a chair with her head hanging low. She looked up at me with
her beautiful blue eyes that were now red and full of tears, and said that
she was tired of being in pain all the time and wanted to go ahead with the
surgery. My heart melted. I looked her in the eyes and I knew in that moment
that we were about to take a new direction in our lives. I could not continue to see the person I love most in this world, in so much pain and I could see that weight loss surgery was the only way to ever find an end to her misery.
Barbara had the pain, but your loved one may only be overweight. My use of
the word "only' should not be taken as an indication that there is not a
grave problem. To be considered for weight loss surgery, the patent is
normally 100 pounds or more over their ideal weight. We have a cat and buy
kitty litter in 33 pound containers. To get a full appreciation of what an
extra 100 pounds feels like, try strapping three of those containers to your
belt. Now spend a couple of hours trying to live your life. I would not be
surprised if you gave up after only a few minutes.
As the years go by and the person you love gets heavier and heavier, (which
is typically what happens), co-orbidities will surely develop. At some
point, you and your loved one will be faced with the horrendous fact that
the weight will never come off with conventional means, and the quality of
life will deteriorate to the point that there will be a spiral down hill to
early death. With every passing day you will notice only small changes and
think that there is not a big problem. But things will be slowly getting
worse until one day there will be a terrible disaster. It is absolutely
critical that something be done to manage the weight problem and it must be
done now. Any further delay will only add to your loved one's misery and
mounting health problems.
If weight loss surgery has been recommended to your loved one, I urge you
from the bottom of my heart, to open your mind to the seriousness of the
problem. Make an effort to educate yourself about all aspects of the
surgery. Keep in mind that your loved one is in physical and emotional
misery and desperately needs your help.
Frank Thompson"
Have a great day everyone :)
Leanne
BELOW GOAL 
Happily maintaining 4.5 years out!! 
Life is GREAT!!! 
Had my plastic surgery!
Agreed!! I have seen soo many posts lately about support people and how they are trying to discourage people from having surgery. I wanted to post this last week but my bookmark page is gone. I asked a good friend if she still had it, and voila!
It's the best choice that I have ever made for my health, even with all the little struggles. I can't really complain!!
BELOW GOAL Happily maintaining 4.5 years out!! Life is GREAT!!! Had my plastic surgery!
I only asked a friend if she still had this filed away
I have seen alot of people struggling with their support people and thought it was fitting to repost it.
It's a fabulous read and I'm glad he wrote it and also glad my friend still had it filed away since my bookmark pg disappeared
Leanne
BELOW GOAL Happily maintaining 4.5 years out!! Life is GREAT!!! Had my plastic surgery!
