It's Thursday and I am back again. What's up???
Eileen, I have your ticket for April 23. You want me to just hold it for you 'til you get here? (I am being too lazy to send a PM, sorry). Looking forward til you get here.
Less than 35 hours and I will be at the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. I am so anxious. Like a kid on Christmas Eve.
Hope everyone has as good a day as I am planning on having.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!
Up early this morning and I know this is an exciting time for Baseball fans, as they are about to here that first real "Let's play ball" with hopes that their team will make it to the World Series this year. . . Happy for you, my team is so bad of late, I'm not even starting the year with hope. . .
So it is 6 a.m. here on a rainy Thursday morning, thankfully no snow and I am sitting here wondering how will I ever get the demons that have plagued me for the past year now back in their dungeon. The bad habits I allowed back in my life have created an unhappy me, well not unhappy, but disappointed with myself. Like any addict, once that doorway has been opened, it is hard to get that gorilla I let out of the cage back in it's rightful place. Each day I begin anew, hoping that I will finally make forward progress, the numbers creep up and up, the clothes are not fitting they way they did and I am now in need of newer bigger ones. FEAR of failing settling around me, not a good place to be. The WLS worked, but I played with the tool and now I am paying the price. I cannot save my ass and my face at the same time, so an honest admission is required here, that is the first step for any addict, the admission that by their self, they cannot do it. I am going to sit with the nutritionist on Saturday and ask her to outline what I need to do to get back on track, so that I can lose these nasty pounds, the ones that are suggesting I am a failure and will regain all that I struggled so hard to lose. I envy any of you who never feel hungry, who made it that goal and stayed there. I have battled hunger, both head and real, since 3 weeks post-op and more recently it has become emotional, unintentional eating. . .
Ok, so now I spilled my guts here and perhaps that will really help towards achieving my renewal to be good to me.
Today consists of work life, friends and AA meeting afterwards.
Wishing each and everyone of you a good day and peace and strength to those with special needs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
I know I can't eat that stuff and now have cleansed my house of everything bad AGAIN. I get up every morning with great expectations and usually make it till 4 p.m. = that's when the hunger devil starts in.
Don't feel alone -- please. We must keep trying and we will with determination and strength from a higher power.
Never giving up,
Pat R.,
(on MySpace, MSN, Web pages, Blogs...)
Done! Your Ticker:
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Laureen,
You just took the same words out of my mouth. I really liked the phrase you said yesterday "facts are not feelings." Both with work and in other important areas lately, I really needed to hear that. I have a very intuitive gut and pick up on stuff that lots of people don't. It can be a gift and a curse. So those words really helped me. I have to remember that my feelings are not always fact. They are my true feelings but may not be based on anything that is a fact.
And today, I am on the road you are bumping along on. I mentioned the other day about WW on line and Tuesday was a good day, yesterday was not as good, but I start out with such determination and end up just saying "oh, well" and grab another granola bar.
Thank you for your post, it made me feel not so alone.
I think I need some how to stop the constant thinking about food and my fear of gaining and gaining. I know that when you think you are something or going to be a certain way, that old self fulfilling prophecy comes shining through.
I am here, and you can do it! I can do it! It's a new day and I will start it that way.
Thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts and support,
Cheryl
We never touch people so lightly we do not leave a trace.
Peggy Tabor Millin
Thanks Cheryl
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!
L---- ok- not to sugar coat anything ....you have now sufficiently kicked yourself in the ass....and you are NOT the only one of us to have these feelings--pat r and cheryl and i share---and probly many more-- i have NEVER had the energy that others feel- even during the losing stage.....i never reached goal and i blamed michael and the stresses of his illnesses and accident and work and the economy and every other thing i could.....and i know that i need to get myself back on track- it's a daily challenge-so- whilst i am rambling--sweetheart- you are your own worst critic and you know it! as one with an addictive personality; we both know that we need to shape up--and we both know that no one can do it for us!gosh i wish i could wave my wand for you!!! you work so hard at all you do!!!!!
truth time here- one reason it was so hard for me to post for a very long time was that i was using my drug of choice- alcohol--to soothe my feelings at nite alone instead of food--my coping mechanisms still need much work- so many applauded me at my 7 year surgiversary-i am NOT worthy! it was hard to say positives to monica--of whom i am TRULY proud--when i knew that i was hiding in that wine bottle.....i started a few times to call you --knowing your work schedule kept me from it- almost called a local guy -he and his wife are both in AA...finally talked to him a few days ago in clarity and he said certainly to fall on him-tho i am finding now-for the moment-i am ok....
wow- see how i turned that from you to me??? am i selfish?????
"Ok, so now I spilled my guts here and perhaps that will really help towards achieving my renewal to be good to me."
ditto!!!
laureen--i love ya- you know that in your heart....and i share your torture here.....
I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
- E. B. White
