When the self-pity phase kicks in...

Greetings from my pity party! Attendants:1

I have hit a self-pity wall today. I smell so bad like pee and as someone who likes to be clean that's making me tear up right now. I can use antibacterial body wipes until the cows come home (though, the cows would probably leave for my stink!) and it doesn't help because the garment is what stinks. I had a few catheter issues where it got kinked which is very bad in the catheter world as it just builds up and comes out where it normally would and you don't know it's happening until it's too late.

(full on crying now dammit) I just want to do ANYTHING for myself and not rely on my legions of friends (I feel so fortunate for them) who then have to see my split crotch pee garment and naughty bits in all their glory and worst of all smell me as they empty disgusting fluids for me. I want to shower. I want to wash this retched sausage casing. I have swelled up like a balloon and that's incredibly uncomfortable. I have an epic wedgie all the time from this split crotch. So uncomfortable! Anytime I do get up, I need someone to help put my recliner bed back together. So no independence there either. I've had enough. And am nowhere near the end.

I talked to the doctor's office today and they said the doctor will likely give me permission to be out of this torture suit for two hours to wa**** I'm going to buy a second one too so I can do that when I want. Correction, ask a friend to do it for me since the washer is upstairs where I can't go for weeks. She said the swelling is expected so I'm trying not to worry there though it severely limits what I can eat as well as my breathing. It also hurts because my drain tubes are trapped between it and my bloated self.

Thanks for reading my grossness and letting me blubber here for a few minutes. I was due for a good cry. I might just cry a while longer before my next victim from my knitting group comes by to be exposed to me.

Loving vibes to you all.

Oh my god. First let me say that this sounds tortuous and miserable and my heart FULLY goes out to you, and I really hope your recovery gets easier from here on out!

That being said, the description of your plight is actually very comically written, and I hope you atleast make yourself laugh as much as you have me.

Im sure it doesn't seem like it now, but some day, hopefully soon, it will feel like it was all worth it.

Thank you! I might laugh about it later. Right now I'm too emotional about it!

So glad that you have friends who can support you! Sending you healing thoughts

So, you're home right? Do you still have the catheter? I only had mine for about 6-8 hours post surgery, maybe not even that long. I also was allowed out of the 'torture suit' (haha) for a shower after day 2. Are you still not allowed to shower?!

By that point, I could also do some stairs 1-2 times per day (slowly) if it needed to. Surgery causes so much hormone interruption - so get in that good cry and know that this will get better, I promise.

Yep home since Sunday afternoon. He leaves the catheter so you have one less reason to get up. In that respect it was okay, but it's also been problematic from a cleanliness standpoint!

And he doesn't want any showers at all while you still have drains, so I feel nasty. It goes from ankle to under my boobs, so that leaves little area to wash. I do clean up when I go to the bathroom (no constipation from the pain meds), but that's when I'm hunched over like a 90 year old and breathing heavy from the exertion of making it to the bathroom and peeling out of this garment to the tops of my thighs. The no stairs for 3 weeks rule is because of the medial thigh lift.

And with the fat transfer to my butt, I'm supposed to lay and sit in this giant plastic wrapped foam rectangle with a butt shaped hole in it to keep the pressure off the newly transplanted fat. But you really end up just getting pressure from whatever is under the foam hole, so I don't know that it helps, but it sure isn't comfortable and the plastic plus the compression garment means I sweat which adds to my unclean state makes me even more miserable and stinky!

I'm pray for clearance tomorrow to take this off and wa**** and do a good sink bath while that's happening. That plus no more catheter and a few less than my 6 drains. That leaves one more week in the plastic covered hole and two weeks until I can get upstairs to my bed and my shower (if all drains are out by then). This takes a lot of mental fortitude!!

i know you're right that it gets better, but right now I'm totally miserable and very little of that has anything to do with pain from surgery!

Oh, and I haven't been strong enough to stand over a sink to have anyone wash my hair yet, but maybe I can do that tomorrow afternoon too. It's not as uncomfortable as the other stuff because I don't get greasy hair, been unsing dry shampoo, and I have an around the head chin strap for the lipo done under my *****which I hear from those who said I didn't need it that it looks great), so you can't see my hair really. So a tiny positive there.

Sounds tough! I hope that you get clearance to wash soon. Feeling sweaty makes me crazy too!

Ugh, I read this and then your next update. I didn't realize you had, had a thigh lift in addition to LBL. I thought you were getting just the outer thigh lift that comes from having an LBL. Those would be two difficult procedures to combine!

Having the garment and then all those drains must be really hard. I found the semantics of two drains difficult enough, let alone 6 (and now 4). I never had to wear the garment + drains as I was in a binder until day 8 when the drains came out.

All of this is fresh enough in my mind that I remember how exhausting doing pretty anything was at that stage. I remember how worn out I was after my first few days of showers. I'd pass out hard in the recliner the moment I sat down!

Thanks, Erin! Yeah, if anyone asked me now if I would do anything to their thighs along with the LBL I'd say no. Even if they say it's only half the thighs. Half is bad enough. The crazy thing is, none of my issues are pain! It's weakness, helplessness, not being able to pick up anything I drop (especially frustrating when what I drop is my grabber), and currently my inability to make it to the bathroom in time, which I've never struggled with.

If I can just regain bladder control post catheter removal, I'll be in good shape. Kegels, I'm guessing...