Why?

I need to vent......I am a little over 9 mos. out and have lost 125lbs.....amazing I know but WHY do I still look in the mirror and see a fat girl.....I am still a fat girl but am soooooo  much healthier now.  I no longer have diabetes or take any medicines....just vitamins....I know that I look better and I feel better but I am still beating myself up.....I am eating carbs because I have found I can....STUPID I know but I have been doing it anyway.  I am angry at myself for not being able to handle things and just look at the bright side of 125 freaking lbs lost.  My family is overjoyed, my coworkers continue to compliment me, and here I am in the corner self loathing STILL.....Please let me turn my brain in for a model that will give me a break already!  Thanks for letting me vent.   Now back to your original programming. 

I can so relate.  I've lost 148 pounds and I still see the fat chick in the mirror.  Then, I take new pics and say, "Wow, it that really me?"  It has gotten better.  The head games keep me working out so I guess it isn't all bad. lol

Congrats on a wonderful loss!!! That does goes with the territory they tell me.  Therapy is a big part of this process.  Have you thought about talking to someone about your feelings?  I began speaking to someone 2 months pre op and am on some meds and at this very early stages I am ok but I am thinking it will definately come in handy and help when I am much further along closer to your time period.  Think about some therapy it may help your feelings.

When you've spent so many years as "the fat girl", it's hard to wrap your head aorind not being fat any more.  I don't realize my true size when I look in the mirror. It's only when I take pictures that I see the changes. My advice, take new pics at least once a month. Keep them in a small phjoto album that you carry with you at all times. That way when you're feeling fat, you can look and see how far you've come.

First, stop referring to yourself or your actions as stupid.  Neither are.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Everyone does things they shouldn't.  We have to face that, forgive ourselves and move on. 

I am only 6 months out and have lost just over 100lbs but I still see a fat person in the mirror.  But slowly, I am seeing someone who is not as fat as I once was.   It helped when I put photos of myself before (very few of those, trust me) and after an kept studying the differences that I saw, no matter how minor. 

The self loathing is a problem that so many of us have had to deal with or currently deal with.  If you are not in therapy or a support group I so encourage you to go.  This hatred of self involves more than just your weight most likely.  Therapy can be very helpful in getting to the bottom of these things. 

Take care of yourself.  You are worthy of all that you have acheived.  You do deserve this and a whole lot more. 

Because your "fat girl brain" is still in charge;  it's time to kick her to the curb and take charge of your life.

It does seem to be harder to focus, the further out we get post-op.  Just keep in mind that you are the only one that can do this for yourself.

Find something to do that is fun, and just learn to live your new life.

Good luck