Does anyone feel like a gratitude post?
This morning I was 220#. This is at the lowest end of the weight range I stayed in when I lived in Ukraine, 2002-2004. Over 8 months, prior to going overseas, I lost 60+ pounds and maintained the weight I am now (well, in a range from 220ish to 245ish) for two years. The food variety there is very different from America. For instance, no lettuce. At all. Seriously. Then I came back and ballooned to 325 over the next several years. I'm pretty pleased with myself now, even though I'm still many pounds from goal.
Even though I have not been a perfect patient these last 10 months, I have made some real changes in my eating and diet. The hardest thing for me is to see myself at this size and not 100# heavier. When I as in Ukraine, I remember I felt "normal-sized." I don't know why -- Ukrainian girls are "outta sight," as you may have heard, but I still felt only slightly bigger. For the last several years I've gotten used to feeling like a cow, and it is hard to let that go.
What I want to do now is to:
1) see myself as smaller, healthier, more attractive
2) add more movement to my days and more variety to my diet. This week I finally began to eat lettuce again. I was scared of it, because it caused my sister such pain after her surgery, but it works for me fine now. I want to add more veggies and fruits back to my diet. I can do that, and still get in protein.
3) change the way I think about food, and realize when I am eating compulsively, to change my mood.
I'm not going to settle for this weight for long. I'll be under 220 this month, I think. I'll be under 200# this year, I certainly hope, and will shoot for being under 180# this year. But, this is not a race. This is my life, from now on. This is something I am working on maintaining from June 9, 2010 to the day I die (of old age).
My knee still bothers me. I may still have a little sleep apnea (I'm still tired a lot), the vitamins are expensive and the loose skin is already not pretty. But, I know I am healthier and will continue to grow healthier. This surgery had given me an opportunity to change my size and other related factors, forever. I am pretty grateful, to the insurance company, the doctors, everyone else who had a hand in it, and you all. It helps me to read y'all's posts and throw my own stuff out there every so often. All the best to you, Rosanette 
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we will walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over again the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. -- Thoreau 
