I'm new ... as you might have guessed, and I have not felt I can be honest, because I worry that someone is going to take my surgery away.  I also know that if I am not honest with myself and others that this just won't work long tern.  

So here goes ... My surgery is the 11th and I am doing last supper stuff, and I've also been going through a enourmous amount of stress with my 15 year old rebellious (to say it lightly) son. ....

I only have to be on liquids the day before my surgery, and the surgeon has already told me that  my liver is not a concern, because of my low BMI.  I've been making decisions daily that are not good for my overall plan.  It hasn't been all out binge eating like I am fully capable of, but for instance today I had a frosted sugar cookie and two chicken burritos from taco bell.  Yesterday I made 5 corn tortillas with cheese, and the day before it was soemthing else.  It's been adding up, and I do believe I am up 4 - 5 lbs over the last 3 weeks.  I was at my pre-op on Tuesday and  the nurse said don't worry about it.  What if day of the surgery I get there and they say nope ... you're out?

Sigh ....  I do hope this doesn't mean I am not ready, and I do hope I don't end up getting my surgery taken away .... Food is my last addiction.  I gave up drugs and alcohol 12 years ago, cigarettes 2 years ago, and now it's time for food.  Will I make it?  This is such a big step for me .... but man alive I am scared.  

Oh my .....

Did they say you could be refused .... and if so did they say how/why that would happen? 

the biggest issue is that if your liver is too large they sometimes try the surgery and close you up, or some surgeons try, see the liver is too big, and crack you right open.

it is a big step. And it sounds like you could benefit from therapy!

Thank you Lady Lithia ~ 

No, they said my liver was not going to be an issue.  My BMI is too low for the liver to be an issue.  We had an indepth discussion.  

I am in therapy.  :-)  He knows I am scared as well ....

Whoever says this is the "easy way out" doesn't get it.

you'll get a lot of support here.


I know it's tough..... but hang in there.

Hmmm, to be honest, no one knows what your liver will look like until you're on the operating table. It's not medically sound to tell you that your BMI is too low for there to be liver issues -- especially for someone with a history of drugs and alcohol (I say that with no judgment; been there, sister - bravo for kicking).

I think we all do the "last supper" thing. I did it the weekend before starting my two-week liquid diet. And I'm sure I gained a few pounds doing it. However, thanks to the liquid diet (on which I was absolutely perfect), my doctor reported that his nurse actually commented on what a pretty little liver I had during surgery...lol. What you don't want to do is sabotage your surgery.

Everyone is scared -- that's normal, and doesn't mean you're not ready. But if you're concerned, keep talking with your therapist. I know that if you're not 100% mentally prepared for life afterward, the surgery won't work for you. So be sure. Be VERY sure.

Good luck!

Thank you too Heather ....

My comments about my liver are only what my surgeon has discussed with me.  I don't have any other information to go on, and I am really believing I can trust my surgeon.  I discovered early on that there is a lot of information out there, and as to not drive me crazy, I would trust the professionals I am working with to the best of my ability.  For better or worse .... The information I read on the board is why I went back to talk to her about my liver and why I wasn't doing the liquid diet and what would happen if she got in there and couldn't do the surgery etc .....

I'm not sure if I am just having cold feet as three weeks ago I was all in and doing well.  I had to lose my 5% to even get to the pre-surgical program.  I've maintained the 5% by losing more than and then gaining a little.  

I have to thank you both though ... I was hoping for some encouragement and some people who could really relate, not really getting that encouragement has helped my resolve.  Who would have thought. 

I've come too far in all of my life ....  I'm in and I CAN do this ...  :-)  Not really how I expected to come by it ... but it worked. 

Honestly, I ate all kinds of stuff that I shouldn't have eaten because I knew I was giving up those bad eating habits for good after surgery. I didn't go super crazy but I ate the fast food and pizza that I wanted, and some cake. I felt the same way you did...i was worried that I would get there the morning of surgery and they would say "sorry, you gained too much". In my opinion, of you have already received insurance approval, and the nurse told you not to worry, I would enjoy your time of being able to eat as you wish because it's going to be a long time before you will be able to eat normal foods again (depending on your plan) - looking back, I am mad at myself for feeling as guilty as I did. Make these meals your farewell to the old you and know after the surgery it's a whole new ballgame!

Umm..will you have some frosted flakes for me?..I sure do miss them.
It's okay to be scared. It's okay to eat taco bell.
Deb T.

Congrats, first, on getting your surgery date! It's exciting!!

I am having the last supper issue too. I'm just trying not to overdo it. I had one soda, to say goodbye, though I've never been a huge soda drinker. I had a handful of Cheetos to say goodbye.

If you kicked alcohol and smoking, you can do this! You know it will take hard work, just as those other addictions did. Look at it like that. Don't see it as you are depriving yourself. You are kicking the habit with this wonderful tool your surgeon is giving you.

Good luck!

they won't take away your surgery. trust me. haha. unless you have some major underlying problem, i think you're good to go. i was the same way. [but what if the obesity police catch me!?]  you know what? now is the time to start thinking about what you're getting from food? is it love? is it warmth and friendship? do you eat because it tastes yummy? well - DUH. we're addicts. all of the above, but for you, -YOU- have to isolate the reasons behind this. don't let a few screw ups make you think you're going to be the one who fails. if i could go back and eat a giant plate of spaghetti, i would- and i DARE someone who can't eat now after an RNy to say otherwise.

you'll do fine. it's hard at first and trust me, savor these days before surgery. you're going to get an eye opener soon enough, where you'll be like "BUT I WANT THAT TACO!" and you just. can't. eat. it. in fact, you know what? you won't even want it!! try wrapping your head around that. because it's gonna happen. and you'll have to find other ways to deal with your stress and emotional pain and sadness and fear and HAPPiNESS and omg... we're addicts and food is our life! you don't see it now. but wait. the biggest and i mean BIGGEST strength i have is meditation. breathing through those "but i wanna eattttttt" moments. i'm 16 days out, and i cannot believe how much i've grown already. not having the crutch of food is so major. you cannot even get your mind around this stuff until it happens. it just can't be taught.

this surgery is a powerful gift. enjoy your taco bellies and your sugar cookies. don't hurt yourself- but if it's yummy, go on, i say. after your RNY you're going to see what i mean about not wanting to eat, but WANTING to eat--- and when you do, pm me and we'll talk. when you wanna cry, i'll be here- because i'm a single mom and i literally have no family... and i needed that support and OH was there for me.

i'll be here for you. i am sending healing thoughts and light your way.
you're going to be unbelievable.

PS: my opinion? work on your guilt. you're worth this surgery and the changes you need to make.