Weight , ummm and stuff

dkwilliams1
on 6/5/11 2:45 pm - AK

I don't know how far I willl get with this post...lately Ive been feeling like **** at the end of this week my husband and I will be in Kauai, celebrating our honeymoon (we got married in Kauai on 10/10/10) since we couldn't have one when we got married because all our family was there... I feel like I live in a prison. He critisizes everything I do, If I don't do it his way- it's wrong. He's in my bank account checking to see what I buy, spend, etc. 2-3x a day, even asks me what I spent bla bla bla on. He has all my accounts and passwords, and claims he's "helping me". He tells me what bills (of my own) to pay, and has all his accounts and passwords encrypted, etc. I don't think it's fair that he goes into my accounts like that. I don't ask to see his, and could care less. He just came in here, tried to look on my computer and see what i'm doing. He gets mad when I ask him why he has to know everything. I changed all my passwords once before, and 2-3x a day he would hound me about it so much, I switched them back. He goes over my e-mails, etc. When he drives my car, he changes the radio stations to "his" liking, moves my stuff around where I can't find it. This is just the tip of the iceberg. He has anger issues. He gets mad over trivial stuff, yells and slams stuff. Then 20 min. later comes to me trying to kiss me and say he's sorry. He has never hit me, but he's been "joking" about it, saying things like "don't make me hit you"... if he ever hits me, I'm outta' here. I don't know how much more of this I can take, especially thinking about going on a honeymoon with him !!! He is like Dr. Jeckyl- Mr. Hyde since we got married. He gets mad because I don't like kissing him- he picks his nose and puts the boogers in his mouth-no **** !!!! I've only seen Nun's do that in a Catholic Church... UGH!!!!
Yeah- I know, this has nothing to do with my surgery, and I apologize... I'm just at my wits end and dont know what to do. Any Ideas ???? just realized- whatever I title this, it will show up on my email when someone replies, so I have to think of something else...

poet_kelly
on 6/5/11 2:52 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I'm going to be real honest with you. You are in an abusive relationship. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to you and excessively controlling. And, the truth is, abusive relationships often get worse over time. They rarely get better without intensive therapy, and sometimes don't get better even with therapy.

Any chance he wants to go to therapy?

You're being abused. You need help. Is there a domestic violence hotline in your town? Check your yellow pages. If not, look for a rape crisis hotline or a domestic violence shelter. Call them, they'll direct you further.

Kelly

Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.

dkwilliams1
on 6/5/11 2:59 pm - AK

thanks for responding... I will see if he will go to a counselor with me. When we were dating, he told me he saw a counselor for over 4 years, I dont know why though, guess I should have found out.

poet_kelly
on 6/5/11 3:02 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

I hope things work out for you, whatever that means. It would be great if he would go with you to therapy. It's definitely not a problem you can solve yourself.

But get help. Don't put up with being abused. You don't deserve it.

Kelly

Lizzie S.
on 6/5/11 3:29 pm

I agree with Kelly, this absolutely is abuse, and I do hope he will consider counseling, you should not be having to live with this. There is help out there and Kelly had some good suggestions. Wishing only the best for you.
Lizzy

dkwilliams1
on 6/5/11 4:36 pm - AK

thank you for replying too... I never thought of it as "abuse"... I just figured he was a spoiled brat or had to have everything "his way"... funny, when we were dating, he was always asking me what I thought about things, what I liked... now I live in "His world"... I feel like he treats me like he owns me- like he bought and paid for me. The ironic thing is, he is white and I am not.... hmmmmm.

poet_kelly
on 6/5/11 4:53 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08

It is abuse. Abuse is about power and control, it's not just about hitting. Altlhough threatening to hit you is abuse too.

I used to work at an agency that provided services to abused women as well as treatment for abusive men (most were court ordered) and it was not that uncommon for women to not realize they were being abused until one day their boyfriend or husband finally hit them. But when they started talking, it was apparent they'd been abused for a long time. They didn't like the way they were being treated but thought it might be their fault or that maybe they were making a big deal about nothing if they complained about it.

It is abuse. And you do NOT deserve it.

Kelly

xoxoxo1990
on 6/5/11 4:32 pm

I agree this is abuse.. But i also feel that he is only doing this because he doesnt want to loose his beautiful constantly thinning wife. Why dont you talk to him about exactly what your feeling, get hinm to see it from your perspective AND MAYBE JUST MAYBE he'll open up his eyes and see what hes doing wrong and what he could change, but still somehow getting the reassurance he's getting now.

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
--Dr. Seuss

dkwilliams1
on 6/5/11 4:38 pm - AK

thank you for your reply, but this started right after the wedding... before I even thought about surgery. Once we moved in together after the wedding, it's everything HIS way.

deborahgalek31
on 6/5/11 7:22 pm

RNY on 03/02/11

I would never put up with this! Leave his ass...change your passwords...hell, change your bank all together! Get out and get a divorce...you can do better!